fucked-up-ass-mood

I'm in a fucked up-ass mood.

I've alienated myself without even trying. I don't know when it happened, or maybe this is just a really busy week for me, but I haven't seen any humans that I didn't HAVE to see, this week. That makes me sad. :-(

Nobody visits me these days, and I've been to broke to go out. :-P I shouldn't complain about being broke... 'Cause well....

I went to Boston and everything, that was fun, but a little stressful. I have to bitch about that trip one day. Well, I did some bitching last night. I enjoyed myself, but there's so much that I'd rather not post. Yes those things do exist, occasionally even I need to keep parts of my life private. What a big fat ball of irony I am.

I'm having that 24 hour party this weekend, and I've invited all my friends. Well, most of them anyway. There are some people who just won't get an invite. Sucks to be them, man. Something just dawned on me too, because I realized that I do not have much furniture. I'm inviting over a lot of people, who will all come at various times, and at certain points of the day, I just KNOW I won't have enough chairs.

I don't want this to be a party. Like, you know, dancing, and drunkenness and the such. I just want people to come by and have a good time. I don't have an apartment that can accommodate a "party." Well, not a party by Pam standards, anyway.

I'm in this melancholy mood, it's so strange. I think it's because no one really called me yesterday, and I'm used to spending at least 1/2 an hour on the phone with one of my friends. Usually I'm pissed off because I'm listening to random bleeding heart sob story of the day from one of several individuals, all of whom have been mentioned in my diary at least twice. I'm tired of being the shoulder to lean on, but at the same time, I realize that If I'm not the shoulder to lean on, I wouldn't have many friends. That is sad.

Are my friends using me?? I don't think they are... I mean, they all seem to like me, and I'm always really me in front of most of the people I call my friends. Oh whatever. I'm over thinking, and I'm not in a good mood. I have to consider what I'm buying -foodwise- for this party thing. Ugh...

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Friday, Jul. 26, 2002 at around: 7:05 AM

*yawn* G'mornin'

This is my groggiest entry ever.

It's a little more than 24 hours until the blogathon, and I'm really effing tired. I haven't been getting full nights of rest, because I come home and work on my sites, and work on my sites, oh yeah, I work on my sites.

I want everything to be just right for the blogathon. I haven't finished cleaning my apartment yet. It's still all kinds of messy. I threw some stuff away, and hid other stuff in my closets. I'm just glad that the blogathon isn't a marathon or anything, because I would have had to kill someone.

Not enough energy. . . . resources drained. . . . gotta poopy. . . I'll get to the bathroom after this entry. Oh yeah, that and, I'm so tired right now that I spent 2 whole minutes staring at one of the many things randomly dropped on my computer table. I think it's one of those little holey-things that you have on your watch to keep the strap from falling away. *.* Yeah, I'm going to go to the bathroom, and otherwise get ready for work.

I'm very sleepy. Wish me luck for staying awake at work today...

Love and *yawn* adoration,

Pam

Written, Thursday, Jul. 25, 2002 at around: 11:35 PM

Shiznet

Today was a do-nothing-interact with no one kind of day.

I got a little depressed for a little while, and thought about how I've been living my life for other people. I have a feeling that I'm just going to stop giving a fuck soon, and start saying what I want to.

People aren't going to like that at first, but hey, I don't have but so much sanity remaining, so the fuckers are just going to have to deal with it. That and I really, really need to get back into a relationship. Even anita said I need to get laid. That's kinda bad.

Well, it's only a couple of days until the blogathon, and I'm kind of excited. A lot of people said they're going to come, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Well, although I would really love to embellish on how shitty I felt today, I'm tired, and want to get to work early tommorow so as I can get my leave on early tomorrow afternoon.

Written, Thursday, Jul. 25, 2002 at around: 12:58 AM

First blog-style entry

Well, so it begins.

Yup, so I made another layout change. The airy one was pretty and everything, but I really think the friends one looks better. Plus it's making way for the blogathon, where I'll be doing the weblog diary thing. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I'm totally new to this style of updating, so it may be a while until I get a grip on it. This is what I really want for the blogathon, because it would only make sense that I update in such a way that folks can see that I really am updating every half an hour.

That, and I changed over to the friends layout, because I really want my friends to be involved in this event. I am surely not staying up for 24 hours straight without a little support from the people who owe me favors. *insert devilsh grin* So, I'll be telling people that they'll have to say something for me to post. I'll try to give you tons of embarrasing dialogue from the likes of tiffany, frank, and crazian john. All of whom I'm expecting to show up at my house, at some point during the blogathon.

I'm really excitied about this, and everything. It's going to be a real event. I'm giddy. Oh, hey, do you people like this layout? It's my first grown-up layout ever. No comic-sans ms, no overabundance of anime faces-- and it's silver and brown. I think this is the sharpest one yet. Feedback is requested of the masses.

Okay, I'm finished here for the evening.

I send out my love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 24, 2002 at around: 10:19 PM

Some stuff that I had to say

Okay, this is just too damn funny not to post.

While taking a look at my stats on sitemeter I found out that I got a kickass search link to my diary. Some fucknut typed in: "Trina no panties video" and came up with my newday.html entry. That's just funny

Anyhow, I've been working on firsts a lot. Mmm hmm, so everyone should go look at it. Well, honestly, I haven't done much but update it a couple of times. Yeah, I'm a lazy bastard.

Hey, anita is leaving the office!! Nooooooooo! Times are really going to be tough, because my new goof-off partner is leaving. She did say she would go out of her way to help hire a hot white guy though. Yeah dawg, that's just what the doctor ordered. I will follow gracefully in anita's footsteps and sexually hurass the new employee.

I need a new hot sexy guy in my life. See, I have offically decided that frank is my friend. We would not make for good relationship material (? Or at least that's how it seems) so I'm going to leave the ball entierly in his hands. I'm making that attraction/friend seperation, and I'm starting to feel it.

"I like you and all, but you're pretty damn weird sometimes." Yeah, I am. Frank is too grown up sometimes. He does tend to loosen up when around me, though. I still want to get inside his head, but I think it'd take some work. He's still worth it, even if he does think I'm a weirdo. :-)

On a different note, since anita is leaving, she gave Tiffany, Mike K, and I each a present. She gave tiffany a wedding dress for a barbie doll, she made iron-on undies for mike, and she gave me an "Artists Diary," because she knows I love to draw. She also knows that I enjoy keeping diaries. It's the coolest damn thing ever. It has different colored pages. It's pretty damn cool. I'll take a picture of it, and post it online sometime.

Oh, speaking of posting online, the blogathon is this saturday!! I'm borrowing Mike d's webcam, and I'm going to be a total net geek this weekend. If you know me in real life, please feel free to stop by my house between the hours of 9am saturday to 9am sunday. I will have food and whatnot, and plenty of games to play.

Well, I'm on the phone, and have been for a while. I'm ending this entry.

Love and adoration *burp*

Pam