Stupid 12 point font

I am going blind.

I was just reading some old stuff on here. As I continued reading, my face moved closer and closer to the screen. So I had to enlarge the font. I'm sorry if it's been difficult for you guys to read as well.

I need reading glasses again. My eyes actually kind of hurt. So now, I have to go to the vagina doctor and the eye doctor. LOL, the vagina doctor.

Anyway, that's all I really had to say. Enjoy the larger font.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Friday, Feb. 21, 2003 at around: 11:02 AM

Birfdays galore!

Howdy do!

Well, it's offically the birthday of the former Not-boyfriend. There's so much to say, and so much not to say. This should pose to be an interesting day, to say the least. Frank has some stuff to do today, so there will be no Lord of the Rings: Two Towers watchage this afternoon. It's cool though, because this afternoon will be busy for me as well. Maybe I'll take him to see the movie on saturday or sunday.

I have bills and stuff to pay. That kinda sucks. Every single bill that comes on a regular basis came in the mail last week. It's like they know my pay schedule or something. It would be fantabulous if I had just a little more money, because I could pay someone else to pay my bills for me. It's all psychological.

Guess what? For the first time in a couple of weeks, Crazian John woke me up with a phone call! I actually kinda missed that. He's a good person in there, and he knows it. We'll see how things re-develop.

I'm not mad at Sharee anymore. Well, actually I haven't been mad at her for about a week, but everything is okay between us. Everybody's friends, or at least it seems that way, which is an acceptable facsimlie for the time being.

Anyway, I'm going to go get my job search on until it's bill-paying time. Wish me luck, and 41K a year.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003 at around: 11:05 PM

Frank = Asshole.

Yeah,

Well, first of all... everything is okay relationship wise. Let me tell you what happened today.

Well, I wrote my work schedule down on Tuesday. Everything was fine and okay. I wrote that I had to go to work on thursday, friday, and saturday. That's okay. "I have to close on Frank's birthday," I say. No big deal, I'm thinking.

Then this morning, I wake up to a bright sunny day, and I'm even inspired to clean my fucked up ass apartment. So, I'm sweeping up, and looking around for some Love My Carpet. I don't have any, so I drag my ass up to the dollar store. After grabbing the $1 goods, I headed over to game stop to get my hello on.

I see Bill, and he's all mad at me. Lo and behold, my dumb ass was supposed to be at work this morning... Not tomorrow. "Oh shit," I says. And I says it again. So I made a complete fuck up. That's what I was bitching about in the entry below.

So anyway, I'm feeling like shit, because I completly fucked up. I made the mistake of calling Frank. Before I get started, hear me out... I like Frank... He's my friend and more, however even though he's a nice guy and everything, you've gotta understand..... why is he such an asshole??

He's like, "It's okay, it's not a big deal. You just forgot, you simply failed." Failed Yes, he said the f word. I don't get along with failure, or quitting, or not living up to potential. He would have been better off just calling me an dumb bitch and hanging up with me. At least that, I would have forgotten. I never, ever, forget the F word.

See, okay-- Frank has this crazy tendancy to rub things in when given any opportuity. He's busted my ass about many things over the the time I've known him-- so don't you go thinking this any special treatment because I'm his girlfriend. Oh no. He went from getting my ass waxed at james bond to the new found obsession of breaking my stones for not showing the fuck up for work.

Yo, why'd he go all old school and say, "I'm thinking of two things. The state of Pennsylvania, and Game Stop." I was like, oh shit... Then he says, "They're two places that are paying Pam for doing nothing! Heyyy Ooooh!" Asshole.

It's okay though. Luckliy for him I'm not they type of girlfriend who holds out sex. No, seriously though--- I'm laughing as I write this, because dammint, even though he really breaks my stones about some of the stupid things I do, he's fucking hilarious. That, and I find him rather sweet, and I'll be damned if he isn't erotic... Oh wait, this isn't that type of entry.

He's an asshole, and for the time being, he's my asshole. Wait, that didn't sound too good. He's an asshole. For the time being, that asshole is my boyfriend, and that's a good thing, because in a rather strange way, I apreciate his fucked up sense of humor. I mean that in the best way possible.

Love and Adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003 at around: 5:31 PM

Just another day

Yo,

To say that shit happens is fact. To say that shit happens, and I don't make a big deal out of it, is an outright lie. Externally, when I'm in a bad mood, or sad, or feel as though I made a big ol' ass of myself, I seem quiet, emotionless, and reserved. Anyone who has ever known me is aware that I am far from quiet, and enjoy expressing how I feel. This makes for interesting looks when I'm all down.

Anyway, I don't really feel like getting into what happened today, or better yet, what didn't happen today. Let's just say that mentally, I made too much of a terribly huge deal out of a medium sized deal.

Anyway, it's my mom's birthday. After I'm done cleaning my apartment (yeah, I'm doing that today. More on that in a minute.) mom will get a visit from yours truly. She'll cheer me up, and put things into perspective. When the shit hit the fan this afternoon, I called her, and her blunt honesty, and "I don't give a fuck," attitude really made me feel better.

Everything's okay when mom puts it into her bizarre perspective.

Speaking of mom, she told me that I sounded like I was getting sick. I feel kind of sick. My sinuses aren't getting any better. These sinus headaches aren't going away. I get one almost every day, and today I even got dizzy. Ick! Well, I'll take some asprin and get a hot chocolate on my way to mom's house.

So, yeah--- I'm cleaning the ever messy apartment. That's why I left the house this afternoon, I needed to get some love my carpet stuff, and some dish rags. I've had little or no interest in cleaing my apartment at all in the past few months. I only had guests sporadically, and none of them ever ventured into my room. Things are slowly changing.

In the past week, I've had some visitors, and I've felt so terrible about the state of my apartment. It's never been this gross. It really looks like I just stopped caring. I wasn't about to go out of my way to clean up for me. I mean, I like it here, and I like all of my stuff. The problem is, that since I haven't really had anyone in here but Koi and myself, I have no reason to clean up, other than my own desires, and kitty litter. The bedroom of my childhood was VERY messy. Why? Because I was the only fool who dared enter such a place.

Now, when friends are invited over, there's this odd sense of guilt, and whatnot that make me want to clean up this place. To answer your burning questions, yes, having a boyfriend does play a large amount of importance here.

Okay, I have to go clean up so that I can go out and play. I'll probabally update later on, when I'm not so emotional.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Monday, Feb. 17, 2003 at around: 12:19 PM

Lotsa Snow!!

Wow man--

It's a little crazy outside right now. You know how I mentioned last night that it had been snowing? Well, it hasn't stopped yet. Nor does the weather appear to have any intention of releasing us earth-dwellers from its crystlaized liquid's fury.

Not too long ago, maybe twenty minutes or so, I made the mistake of going outside. Hunger was rippling in my belly, and -per usuality- there wasn't any food in my messy apartment. So, I got washed, dressed, and went outside. Getting out of the door was a challenge in itself, because we've gotten a signifagant amount of snow-- more than a foot, and no one in my apartment buidling owns a shovel. I was just walking around the corner, and it took me like, 20 minutes.

Deep down inside, there lives a true love for big-honkin-snow days. When there's more than a foot of snow on the ground, I really like it, because I can stand in the middle of the street, and look at a couple of miles of empty road, while not getting hit by a swiftly moving vehicle.

Snow days, such as this one, are pretty lonely. Nowhere, really to go, not much to do. I'll have fun here in my apartment, because there's lots of fun toys, games, and the computer, but other people aren't so lucky. I hope other people are having an okay day. Not just my friends, but philadelphia in general.

Okay, on that note, I'm gonna go eat some of the grub I got from the store, and I'll check you guys on the flipside.

Love and adoraiton,

Pam

Written, Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003 at around: 11:49 PM

Snowed in, and rather eccentric.

Oh boy,

I'm glad my period is on right now. It's snowing outside, and I have no desire, whatsoever to leave my apartment. Here in Philly, it's been snowing for the past 15 hours or so, and it's not going to stop any time soon. We're supposed to get like 24 inches of snow or something. Damn.

So, I sit here, watch Lord of the Rings, and bleed. That has made for a wonderful sunday. Well, not wonderful, but nice enough, considering that I don't feel like doing anything. I was supposed to visit erica, but there was no way that I was gonna ride public transit up to her house, and risk not being able to get home.

Home is warm and safe. That is where Koi, the Xbox, and the soft bed are. The comfort from the empty warmth of the telivision, and tender hum of the computer ensnare my soul, and give me peace. However, as the soft cotton surrounds me in bed, I still apreciate human comfort.

There is nothing that can replace the calming sound of another human's hearbeat. Believe what you know, and learn from within yourself.

Sorry, I'm all weird and dramatic. I've been watching LOTR too much. Today, I was on the phone with my mom for an hour and a half. I re-told my mom the entire lord of the rings: fellowship of the rings movie. She now loves the movie.

Okay, enough writing for now.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Saturday, Feb. 15, 2003 at around: 9:59 PM

If you want him, come and claim him

Yo,

Frank and Darrell are visiting. Well, not at this very moment-- they just went to get some grub. So I'm taking this oppertunity to update a little, and look at the Lord of the Rings.

I bought the LOTR: The Fellowship of the Rings today. Oh my god, this is, at this very moment, my favorite movie. Every once and a while, art- be it music, literary, or film, strikes me. Occasionally it strikes so hard that it leaves an impression within me. So much of a hit that I can physically feel it.

Yes, it's the best movie. Ever. The LOTR has inspired me to read the hobbit again. That was a great book. A lot of people have been saying that Toilken writes really long books. You know, after having looked at it as an adult, the hobbit isn't a very long book at all. People are just stupid.

I don't have anything else cool to say, so that's it.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Saturday, Feb. 15, 2003 at around: 2:34 AM

No more VD :-)

Uh, happy post-valentines day.

Well. What an interesting day it was. I'm a little pissed off at sharee, but I refuse to go into why. That'll just make me more pissed the fuck off. Anyhooooo--

Frank and I were under the influence of alchohol today. Insert all of your poor-taste jokes right here. Strawberry Margarita's are where it's at.

Oh, the burning question! Did I, in fact, get anything for Frank for the dreaded v-day??? Yes, yes I did. He told me not to, actually. I've never been one to listen, or care when people tell me not to get them presents. He recieved a bottle of after-shock and a clerks movie poster. Fuckin' real.

I really should be sleeping right now, but I'm wide the fuck awake. There's this big tin of russell stover chocolates staring at me, and its making me weak. I'm not hungry at all, however those chocolates smell yummy. There's also a teddy bear sitting on my lap. Her name is Oreo Barbie. *insert my loud and silly laugh here* She's got a sweater with little hearts on it, and her little magnetic paws simulate her blowing kisses. How fucking cute is that??

In an effort to prove my femininity without making any further refrences to clothing, I'll tell ya'll about what I did after I read the valentines day card that frank gave me. See, okay-- I read the envlope-- and on the envlope, among other things, is the "LOTR" anagram. Pam Laughs. I read what he wrote on the inside of the card, and smile. Then I read the actual text written by the hard working Greeting Card Writers. I make the, "Awwwww!" noise.

That was a ball of laughs in itself.

Anyway, the day is over, and it wasn't too weird. Now, I'm terribly exausted. My foot doesn't hurt too much anymore. Falling and busting my ass hasn't crippled me, so I suppose I won't sue Modells. I'm very happy at the moment, even if I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a minute.

Damnit, I didn't get to see frank's expression when reading his card. Grr. Arg. Well, I'll get a reaction tomorrow, I suppose.

I'll be a little less wired once march comes. In march there's no major birthdays, no major holidays, and I won't be working for gamestop no mo. Yay! Well, Oreo and I are going to bed. I good you bid evening.

Love and adoration,

Pam