So I guess I must like it or something... or I'm just like it. Whatever.

Love and adoration (Park the Car in Harvard Yard)

Pam

Written, Friday, Jan. 24, 2003 at around: 1:56 AM

No shit

I had a conversation with a guy today.

Usualy that's nothing special. Most of my friends are male, and I am a talkitive soul. They all have to put up with me "yak yak yakin." This means that a conversation with a guy shouldn't be anything special in my life.

But for whatever reason, it was.

As the Aquarius search began, it abruptly smacked me in the face, much like a bag of nickles.I made friends with a kindred kind of folk. He's not all into the astrology kick, but I am, so you poor sods will have to deal with my ranting. I believe he even has an air moon, so he's all kinds of easy to talk to. I didn't think that if I met an aquarius boy that I'd really hit it off. But, oh, how supprised I was.

I had a conversation with a guy who shares most of my interests, speaks my language (he knows what a hit die is, and can pronounce Pokemon without making it plural), and overall is a pretty cool guy. Yes, he reads this thingy, and I'm pretty sure he's reading this and blushing.

Speaking of blushing, I haven't blushed in a positive way in a while. I did that this evening as I was offered a camping trip, flowers, and other things that I thought boys never thought about. Most men I know only resort to flattery when they're in the deepest trenches of shit. He however, is genuine. Genuine, I say!

Yeah, I recover from heartache quickly these days.

I'm really excited, because he's gonna come visit, and spend the day with me next week. Yay! He only lives up the turnpike, and I'm sure there's some R train that goes out his way.

Oh, up there I mentioned flowers. Only once in my life did I ever recieve flowers. It was also because the guy was drownding in a emmense flood of his own bullshit, and he was hoping that the light of a single rose would float him out. Eventually it did, but I'm pretty sure that he only bought it because I cried. When I cry, it's usually a release of all the emotions that I so happily avoid. It's pretty intense when I'm not holding back tears.

Speaking of holding back tears, I missed american idol. Damnit.

Well, boys and girls, it's very late at night, and I'm supposedly attending the 2003 wing bowl with Darrell, Glenn, Jay, and perhaps Peng. We'll see.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Thursday, Jan. 23, 2003 at around: 12:05 AM

I'm gonna be a STAR ( * )

So, things are really good!

It's stupid, but since the few pissy events in my life that occured over the past couple of weeks, or months for that matter... life is good.

I'm still optmistic about my sex life. I'm never going without sex for extended periods of time again. I'm not happy when I'm not getting any. This isn't even talking about all that "I want a relationship stuff," I'm talking about getting laid.

Yes, I like sex. More women need to admit to this, and more people need to adhere to my masturbating theory, my boyfriend/husband going to strip club theory and my bisexuality theroy.

Speaking of my bisexuality, I'm not just concentrating on girls. I really do like boys, which is something that one of my friends refuses to believe. I like boys better than girls, because, like I said yesterday, women are assholes. So are men, but I can tolerate their assholocity.

Well, so long as they're cute. Yes, I do care about personalities, and frankly (no pun intended. NO really.) that's what's most important to me. A cute aquarius boy asked me out today. I was all supprised! It's rather strange to be offered a date by a fellow water barer. Why, you ask? Because I'm used to dealing with "whatever you wanna do," kind of water signs.

Air signs tend to be different. He's cool, reads my journal, and has one of his own. He's cute too. Did I mention this? Well, we'll see.

Today was a good day. I laughed a lot. I saw my mom, and she wasn't all emotional. I photoshopped my face onto some naked pictures of women, and I even had a chance to lick my wounds, and make a fresh start. It's strange because I don't want to start looking for a job. I want to just outright quit gamestop and focus on my acting and singing. I can't quit right away though, because I'd feel bad about it.

There's already too much termoil at game stop. Hopefully once I have my pictures done, and start auditioning on a regular basis again, things will be different. I'll work for frank until I have a defined position in where I'm going with this entertainment stuff.

The best I can do now is work on me, and think positive.

Love and adoration,

The future "*" Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2003 at around: 12:03 AM

A quick reality check.

Okay,

Yes, I'm back in the internet world. It's really comforting to be back online, and no, I'm not ashamed of saying that either. I'm full throttle on the highway to geek hell, and I'm taking most of my friends with me.

In all honesty, I am the biggest 'out' nerd amongst my current group of friends. Yes, there are many closet nerds living in the world around us, and I'm friends with a few of them. They shall remain nameless to protect their 'cool' facades.

I, however, embrase the geek that I am. I don't hide it too much, and I openly admit to what I am. I'm a nerdy girl who likes being online, enjoys solving problems, is good at installing software and hardware, and likes lesbian porn.

Oh wait... the lesbian porn has no direct bearing on my nerdyness. I suppose it was just a part of what I was thinking. There's a nude girl living on my pc desktop right now. It'd be great if she was on my real desk's top. I'd have a much more enjoyable evening. This naked girl's belly button is partially visiable the way that my browser window is positioned.

Ah, women. They're such assholes. Trust me, I know. We're not all good people. I'd like to defend my gender, but in a real light, I don't think that I can.

Sometimes I think that I'm too nice, and then other days I truly believe that I'm a complete asshole. There's no nice inbetween for me. I give, and I do everything I can to be a good person, and then.... I just start not caring. When I don't care about things, I can be a real asshole. I don't mean to be. Ever. Stuff just turns out that way.

Speaking of things just turning out that way... I'm still unemployed. Well, I do work for game stop still, but goddamnit, it's close enough. Life for me hasn't been all it's cracked up to be. You know, I was thinking about sitting here in front of this computer and typing out all of the negitives in my life. I focus on those kind of things too often when live isn't going my way.

If I can keep going on in my singing, and my acting the way I do without losing focus, then I'm sure bouncing back from being smushed in other venues is piddley shit.

So, anyway... I'm on the rag, and I could use a shower. Hopefully I'll sleep well tonight. It's already 2 am... there goes that hope.

Love and adoration,

Pam