My inconvenient Christmas List

Since there are only two shopping days before Christmas, I will now list what I want for christmas. This list will be ammended on Monday, December 29th, the first day after christmas upon which I intend to update.

If you haven't bought any of this shit yet, it's now too late, and that's why I'm listing it now.

Dear Santa,

I'm 22 years old and haven't believed in you (or at least pretended to believe in you) since 1989. I've been a good girl this year. I learned some valuble lessons, and did my best to help others whenever I could.

How's Mrs. Claus doing? I do so hope that the Atkins diet is working out for her. I also heard that the reindeer are no longer flying. It was quite a sad day when we learned that Rudolph was teaching the other tiny reindeer about getting high. It must be safe to assume that the rehab is working out for them now. Send them my best.

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty, buddy.

If you could spare the time and effort, I'd apreciate it if you could send me these presents. (Cash and money orders are also acceptable, but I'm sorry, after what happened in 1997, I can't take any more of your checks, and no means no, buster.)

1. The Arwen & Aragorn Barbie and Ken. Yes, they are indeed so very corporately atrocious but so magically awesome.

2. A matching fleece scarf, glove and hat set.

3. Pulp Fiction on dvd

4. A bootleg (or legal, but they're not out yet, so I'm going to be realistic and ask for a bootleg) copy of Kill Bill Volume I

5. A set of the LOTR trillogy (the books)

6. A Jewlery box

Now for shit that I know I'm not getting, but you should consider giving me anyway.

7. a laptop

8. a late model economy sized vehicle... preferabally cherry red or sky blue (other colors are acceptable, so long as it's not yellow again. It's embarrasing to be mistaken for 1/2 of a taxi cab)

9. livingroom furniture

10. Bedroom furniture

11. a livingroom and bedroom to put those things in... hopefully attached to a large suburban home.

12. a more pleasant outlook for everyone I know.

Thanks, you fat bastard. I know you won't bring me anything, and if you put me on the bad list for having sex and swearing this year, you can just kiss my motherfuckin' ass, black maumba.

With love,

Pamela Jean