smile

I know I said I'd put these on miabogard.blogdrive.com from now on, but this made me happy, so here it is:

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.

What Kind of Smile are You?
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Written, Wednesday, Oct. 29, 2003 at around: 11:53 PM

what the hell is wrong with me now? Nothing that love hasn't already solved.

Hey,

Long entry title, huh?

okay, I've been damn fucked up lately. Aloof, confused and depressed just ain't the words. I was reading some of my archives, and the past 5 days have been insane in comparison to the past 10 months. I've had a fantastic year (Except the unemployed part) so what's up?

As I usually tell people who are going through internal angst-- it's not that serious.

Oddly, I know it's not that serious. After I've been freaking out for a little bit every month, round 'rag season.' I'm fully aware that I'm freaking out for no reason at all. That worries me... deeply. I've been questioning everything, and pretty much making an ass of myself. I'm an emotional wreck, and for the first time in ages, I'm subjecting other people to my tourment. That's trust, man. Usually I just watch out for everyone else. This level of crapology is totally bizzare for me. I've even had some pretty awesome positive expereinces in the past couple of days, yet I've chosen to write about my personal anguish. Get the fuck outta here, that's not like me.

I don't like writing about being depressed, because guess what? I don't find joy in being depressed. I find joy in love and being silly and being sociable.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm young, in love, and have a bunch of friends that I like. I went to the fucking aquarium for the first time a couple of weeks ago with the man I'm in love with, and I'm depressed? What's wrong with me??

I really think it all has to do with the drugs, man. Well, the birth controll drugs. It makes my PMS intolerable, and makes my thought process just bss akward.

I bet that I'll be happier before Thanksgiving. I'm putting five bucks down right now that on november 4th I'll feel better. On the friday after Thanksgiving, I'll not only feel better, but I'll have most of everything figured out. $5 Bucks, man. Who wants to bet?

I'm sorry this isn't what you're used to reading, and I'm even sorrier if you've had to deal with this shit directly. I hate when other people start getting all fucky on me. I'll be okay.

Hell, I feel kinda better already.

love and adoration

pam