Tonight kicked ass--- I danced with mike kim

I went to Rock Lobster tonight.

I had such a good time. I invited Frank, but he was busy tonight. I went to the club with Anita and Mike came, he brought his friend Kahn, Erica brought her sister, Kimmi, and Crissy-- and Tiffany came too!

Mike can dance. I so totally freaked that boy tonight. It was great. I haven't danced with a guy like that in ages. I did have a lot of fun, though. At first anita didn't even wanna come, but I told her that Mike was coming, and she decided to go. We laughed a lot.

Right now, my body is very tired, and my libs are numb. This isn't even mentioning that I can't hear a thing. Oh!! Guess who I saw while I was there?? WIL! I jumped up on him and gave him a big ass hug. Yeah, Gabi, if you weren't with him, I'd be all kinds of trying to boink your boyfriend. *laughs* Seriously, though I had forgotten exactally why I wanted Wil in the first place. Because he's a really great guy, and Hot as Hell.

Mentinoning those traits, I am not giving up on Frank the way I gave up on Wil. I basically handed the reins over to the next chick (namly gabi) who already had him anyway. This time, I'm going to do my best to keep my intrest in my direction.

Yes I did write that entry about how I am comfortable being Frank's friend. That does not, in any way, mean that I don't want to date him anymore. That also doesn't mean that I don't totally wanna bang his brains out, and give him perhaps the best head he'll ever have in life.

I hope I won't be too tired to do laundry with Frank tommorow. I really need ot do my clothes, and it'll be good to spend some time with him again. Plus, I almost feel like I stood him up for it today, but not quite, because he did mention that he may have not been able to do it, which was kind of true.

Well, it's like almost 1:30, and I have to wake up soon. I'll write some more tomorrow when I wake up. I gotta get up really early, so it should be a funny entry.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Thursday, Aug. 01, 2002 at around: 11:34 AM

Here's the deal about my privacy...

I haven't written a good entry in a while.

I'm sorry. The blogathon really spread my ass thin. That, and I have a more personal diary now that I can really write what I damn well please in. I was paranoid for a couple of days after the blogathon, mostly because I was afraid that everyone who attended my party was reading it. I think that was the point of inviting them over-- letting them get to know me a little better.

Most of my friends know me very well. I'm pretty much an open book, personality-wise. What may surprise them, and surprise a lot of my readers, is that I don't talk about my real issues very much. When I'm in conversation with friends, I tend to avoid what my real issue is with them. I'm so worried about keeping the peace, that I'll often completely ignore what is bugging me about them.

My diary gives me an outlet for that. Plus it gives me a chance to whine and complain. Not only do I get to whine and complain, but I get to have people compliment me on my whining. How cool is that?!?!

Realistically, I am worried that some people will read this, and be offended. That is a true concern to me, because I have some really sensitive friends. REALLY sensitive friends. Could I possibly stress that my friends are sensitive? Oh, I did. Well, anyway, these sensitive friends could easily be hurt by the level of bluntness in my diary.

Gabi is sensitive, but she has thick skin for my brand of bitchyness. Anita is sensitive, and she's one of those go-getter Leos. I fear her. Frank is sensitive, but he's good at keeping a front, and John.... John is fucking sensitive. You could blow a hair dryer by him, and burn him. Leighann is sensitive too, but I never say anything in this diary that she doesn't already know. My mom is sensitive -oh god is she ever- and she has a tendency to interpret what I say incorrectly.

I'm not going to start censoring things, I'm just worried that I started doing that this week, and I want to get out of that habit. I like saying fuck, and I like talking about how much I'd like to be getting busy with Frank. These are things I really don't talk about with anyone but leighann (and gabi, because she reads my diary religiously) and it's probably going to stay that way. I have too many lives to protect, *giggle* and I can't go dropping my emotions on people every day.

There will always be things that I'm not going to post on here, but to keep me from sounding like a hypocrite, I'm just going to keep saying what I have to say, no matter who reads this.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2002 at around: 11:46 PM

I love me some water signs--- sometimes

What is it with me and water signs???

It just dawned on me that nearly every guy who has EVER had any remote kind of interest in me has been a water sign. Dathne (pics), Frank(pics), John(scorp), Keyman(cancer), Lenoard(cancer), the list goes on and on.

Half of the guys I've dated were water signs, and the other half were libras. Goddamn libras. I love them, but I hate them so much. But the water signs. Oh, I love them so. Their passion, their senuality, their drive, their amazing aura of sex. Yum.

Love me some water signs. They're the best guys to flirt with on earth, because they'll flirt right the fuck back. Female water signs scare me, though, because they're SO feminine. I can't handle that all the time. You gotta ration those girls out to me.

Yes, Frank is a water sign. A pisces, no less. They don't get anymore watery than that.

Mia Meiou: what day in march? Are you an aries??
Mia Meiou: I forget
Mia Meiou: I think you're an aires. . . .
Dathane: pisces
Dathane: the artist
Mia Meiou: *nods*
Dathane: the poet
Dathane: the wishywashy
Dathane: lol

Yeah, that's about right. Only Frank isn't so wishywashy. Illy has that wishywashy Pisces trait. Dathane doesn't even have it so much. I guess it's easier to notice in females. *shrug* Frank is more defined. He has a venus in Aquarius. Yes that explains *much* of my attraction to him.

Ah well, I'm tired. More later.

Love and yanwderation,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2002 at around: 2:12 PM

Hit me baby one more time

Okay here's what happened last night,

After traveling all around Philly to find a place to cash my check, I came home and got ready for karaoke. I got some text messages from Frank. That was fun.

Tiffany came past, and we drove off to karaoke. Anita was nowhere to be found, and I just figured she'd get there when she got there.

I have this feeling in the back of my mind that Frank now reads this, but hey, se la vive! A lot of people I know read my diary, and that actually makes me happy. It makes me feel unnecessarily important. It brings a small amount of joy to my heart to know that people that chat with me, see me every day, perhaps know me, perhaps love me, perhaps hate me read my diary.

So this is one of those days where you'll get the pleasure of reading about me and sexual stuff. *read: fun* Yeah, I intend on going home tonight and getting my masturbation on. Ah my exciting sex life. Since Saturday night, I've been in quite the mood. You know what mood, don't even bother asking. The summer is almost over, which means I have to be a horn dog for an extended period of time. I don't believe that I'm considering leaving work a little early just so I can lay in my bed and become one with my vibrator.

I'll write something a little more sensual later on. I am at work after all. I don't want to get too juicy while people could possibly take a peek over my shoulder. Moving on...

Heh, in my drought of things to do at work, I re-discovered astroadvice. I just played around on it for a while, and then found my way to the romance compatibility section. Read this, in regards to Frank:
You will bring out all your partner's latent abilities. Inhibitions will be set aside and true love can unfold. This is a romantic union that can provide you both with the most erotic sex life imaginable. ��(95%)

*blinks* that site occasionally leaves me bewildered. No, I didn't make that shit up. I could use an erotic sex life, man. It's been a while.

Well, I think I've said enough for the workday. Talk to you later after I get home.

Love and -yes, yes, yes! OH GOD YES!- adoration *phew* was it good for you too?

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2002 at around: 8:58 AM

Rika-chan today

Good Morning,

This is going to be a very broke two weeks. I have to pay my rent. I suddenly forget where on earth I put my rent money. Uh oh. That could be really bad. I won't sweat it though, It can't be too far. -ew, did I just say "I won't sweat it?" Ugh.

Yeah, well whatever.

I have to meet Rika-chan at the subway today, so we can plan on going to Anime Expo New York. This is much more of a "Pam you dumbass, don't leave the girl hanging and forget!" kind of deal, than an informational session for you guys. Yes I am that forgetful.

Anyway, I'm going to try to catch up with Frank today too, because he was really trying to get in touch with me yesterday. Oh yeah, and I kinda *cough*misshiscompany*cough* heh, I'm such a child sometimes.

Okay, Off to work.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2002 at around: 2:12 AM

Karaoke kicked ass

You know what I realized just now?

Other than the fact that I smell of cigerettes and beer. And other than the fact that it's eons past my bedtime. I realized that I missed frank today.

Like, not in the sense that I missed his call-- which I did, but I really missed him. It was an odd feeling, and it dawned on me as I looked down at my telephone, which I just used to leave a voicemail on his cellular phone.

Ugh, I'm in that icky - not - girlfriend spot. I thought I had excaped this by the comfy "We're friends, and we like that" conversation. I guess not. I dig Frank, but that's all I can really say. My opinion will change nothing, and that, my darlings, is life.

I don't think I've given up on him as a potential "more than friend" yet.
More to follow.

Other than that stuff, I had a great time at karaoke, and Anita didn't show up. She may have, because she instant messaged me earlier. I don't think she came. Maybe it was payback for when I forgot to come to south street. We'll find out tommorow when she yells at me.

A lot of stuff happened which I am currently too lazy to write about, because it really was a lot of fun.

I'm going to bed now.

Love + adoration =

pam

Written, Tuesday, Jul. 30, 2002 at around: 8:58 PM

it's Karoke time again! (And I'm going to be famous because of it)

I'm on the phone with Tiffany.

I like her, she's a ton of fun. We're going to Karaoke tonight, and guess who else is coming? Anita!! Yes, shock of shocks! I've been trying to drag her ass out to karaoke for months now, but she always had some Leo-ish stuff to do on Tuesday. I mean, she's so involved in everything. She was doing her thesis on Tuesdays, and then she was taking african drum lessons on Tuesdays. Now she's getting ready to leave philly, and she's joining us!

Woohoo!

My next goal is to have Mike Kim at karaoke. It'd have to be on a weekend, because he told me today that he doesn't like to go out during the week. He's such a good guy. Oh, and one day I will con Frank into going to karaoke.

Speaking of Frank, he text messaged me today. Kind of outta the blue. He texted me: "Long time no chat." Now I saw him on Saturday and Sunday, but I really haven't spoken to him, or chatted online with him since then. I haven't been avoiding him at all, I've just been really tired. That whole "Blow-ga-thon" thing really tuckers one out. I hope he doesn't think I was mad at him or anything, because that's far from the truth. I'm actually even happier with our friendship, because of the fact that he knows how I feel. Plus, I let a big heap-o-helpin' off of my chest when I chatted with him on the evening of the blogathon.

I still ain't gettin' any, though. *pout*

I wonder what he's up to. When I text messaged him and asked, "What are you up to?" he texed me back, "I'll tell you later." I hope everything is okay.

Anyway, my worries can all be cast aside, because I just got paid, and I'm going to go get my KARAOKE on. I love singing, and I adore performing. It's a part of my being. I am Michael Jackson's daughter, after all. *laugh* But if that is in my blood, it's in there deep, because I really enjoy entertaining.

I'm going to new york on friday... *shh* don't tell my boss, though. I'm going to MTV to try out for Becoming Presents: Wannabes. I'm trying to become Gwen Stefani. Yes, I, am the embodyment of a black Gwen. No Doubt is my favorite band ever, and when I say that I want to be Gwen Stefani when I grow up, I'm only half kidding.

I'm already grown up.

But yeah, I really am a fan (Remember my no doubt layout?) and if I can even get on this show at all, it will do big things for my ego, as well as my potential show buisness career. Hell, if fadein can make it, so can I.

Yeah, I was on the phone with MTV today. I spoke to the casting department. It was a huge ego boost. It felt kind of like I know what I'm doing (which I don't) and that they really know who I am (which they don't) and that I'm remotley famous (which I'm not). Yes, I am cooler than you are.

So I'll be going to New York to try out for that. Feel free to show up and stalk me, if you so desire. I'll have my crazy psycho mom kick your ass.

Oh, and another thing that I'll be doing to prove to the world that I have more than just a smidgen of talent is going to try out for Making The Band. Yes, they're having open call tryouts, and they'll be here in philly!! Hells yeah, dawg. I'm going to try to get tiffany to come with me, because she has a nice voice.

Okay, Tiff is coming over here before we leave for karaoke, so I'm wating on her, and I haven't really finished putting on what I refer to as makeup. See you at Karaoke!!

Love and karaoke... erm, adoration,

Pam

Written, Monday, Jul. 29, 2002 at around: 5:27 AM

Post-blogathon sanity

Realistically...

The Blogathon is over (frank called it the blow-ga-thon, which is even funnier if you know Gabi!) and I finally got some rest. I came home last night and went to sleep around 6pm. Seriously. I just woke up a couple of minutes ago. Yes, the time above does say it's 5:27am.

I look at updating in a whole new light now... it's rather amusing to look at this update-form page and realize that I saw it over 48 times between saturday and sunday. So, just to let anyone who visits this site to review me, I was involved in the blogathon, and there are a ton of extra, really shitty, entries on the 27th and 28th of July. This will pretty much be the only entry that announces that, because I'm not going to dwell on the "I wrote a bazillion gajillion entries seven days ago" thing.

So it's 5:30 in the morning, and I'm thinking about all the fun that I had at the blogathon. I really did enjoy it, no matter how much I complained during the last few hours. I think the bitching started sometime around 3:00am when I realized that I'd be alone for the remaining hours. I was really bummed out that Gabi (see the link above) and Wil couldn't make it.

I really wanted them both to meet Frank and John. I'm kind of afraid that Frank and Wil would have bonded or something. That would be scary. I'm also sorry that Frank and John couldn't have met Anita, because she wanted to meet them so badly. She was like, "When is Frank gonna be here?" she said that twice. She's so funny!

I really should start getting dressed, because now I apreciate how long 1/2 hour is. *smile* I also apreciate some of my friendships more, because I'm sure some of the people who showed up had some better things to do than to be at my apartment and keep me company. So this post will serve as an open thank you to all those kind people who came over, the kind people that chatted with me online until the dawn broke (or a little before ^.~) and everyone who posted in my guestbook. I couldn't have done this alone.

I've also started to rethink how I post in this thing, because I have to keep my somewhat Miazawa-ish front. So now that I own a very cool paper-journal, I may not post quite such personal information. Ah, we'll see. I'll still be me, but I doubt I'm going to be able to sensor my entries but so much. You guys will still have the inside track into my mind, so word up.

Okay, I'm going to get ready for work.

Love and adoration,

Pam