Some serious reading for you

It�s Friday! Hurrah!

I am officially disturbed. Not for any serious reason, except for the fact that myheadspace and I may very well be dating cloned versions of the same man.

That's acceptable, because from what I'm aware, and have gathered through many email and guestbook-based dialogues, she's a cool chick. One who if she was single, I'd totally wanna call for some threesomeness with her and my version of her boyfriend. She's one of the few chicks I know who probably wouldn't turn me down whenever I were to call. Everyone should know a woman like that, and sadly neither Frank or myself are aquatinted with such a woman.

The fact that she's engaging in multi-partner sex without me is a bit of a downer, but still, she remains cool. ...ha!

Why the fuck am I rambling about this particular area of nothingness, you ask? Well, she posted this here entry. An entry that I would suggest everyone, even those of you who don't tend to follow my links, should read. It's a simple entry which contains an email received from her constant source of affection, sexual pleasure, and friendship- b-dog. Or B-dawg, as I prefer to refer to the guy.

I'm black, remember?

Yeah, so... the email was fucking funny, and some of his comments struck me as something Frank would say. Hilarity abounds.

Anyway, luvabeans, who is the other member of the three-way "You're so awesome," fest that is spacy, luva and myself wrote this pretty in-depth, thought provoking entry regarding gender today. It was one of those entries that make you consider dramatic outcomes from members of our piddley little society making what, in truth, are very small changes. Physically speaking, having a dick removed from a body is a small change.

That was not a little dick joke.

Right. I'm aquatinted with a... person... who's going through some serious gender/sexual changes. Born a dude, this guy I know is becoming a chick. That's some really deep shit. I mean, being uncomfortable in one's body during puberty is understandable... new hormones, hairs, breasts! Holy shit, breasts! However after puberty, having that feeling remain must be terribly uncomfortable.

But, my whole thing is, uh okay... why? I'm definitely not curious enough to ask him(who�s becoming)her, I feel like it's none of my business. Plus, i'm not really close to said individual. Really, it's kind of late in life to decide that being a guy isn't for you. 30 is pretty far into life to make those kind of decisions, isn't it? Changing genders is a long, difficult process. Is it really worth it, at 30, to begin a process that's gotta take at least 10 years? Or is it more of an ongoing thing? I'm really not familiar with the process, or what it takes, but you've gotta be pretty damn adamant about becoming another gender to go through so much shit-- drugs, psychological therapy, electrolysis, and whatever other shit that you've gotta do to become someone else.

Realistically speaking, I could never fully understand (nor sympathize with many, I'm a bitch from time to time, remember?) individuals who decide that they were born the wrong gender. I like being a woman, even though I bitch about my period, dislike paying a lot of money for fashionable clothing, and would much rather spend an hour online than 20 minutes watching a fashion show.

If becoming another gender for the rest of your life is gonna make you happy, more power to you. But I really can't comprehend wanting something so badly to be willing to put yourself through so much more trauma, angst, pain, do so much extra soul-searching (which someone who believes they are the wrong gender has probably experienced throughout their entire life) for anything.

Contrary to what I'm always saying, I like things to be simple. I don't like dealing with extra bullshit, crying over things, or having to take in the worst of life. I'm simple, and shallow as hell. Lucky for me, I like being a girl.

Reading luva's entry made me think. Like, not too long ago, I went through a serious phase where I wondered if I was hedro or homo. It's funny because I realize now the confusion I expereinced was mostly due to how guy I was dating at the time pretty much ignored me for weeks at a time, and most of the attention I got on a regular basis was from very pretty girls. I need attention from the people I care about on a regular basis to be validated as a human being. Yes, I�m shallow and I accept this.

My name is Pam, and I�m an attentionaholic. *hi pam!*

So when I wasn't getting any worthwhile attention from any guys who I wanted to fuck (and I seriously wasn't for the last few umphs of the long drawn out Ex Boyfriend Guy relationship) and all the girls who I potentially would fuck were my bestest friends, I wondered if I was just altogether gay. I wondered if guys still found me attractive at all, and if I wasn�t feminine enough. Then when I was getting attention from said boys that I wanted to fuck, I wondered if I was altogether straight.

I'm so not.

Don't you love ambiguous answers? You know how lesbians on talk shows, or documentaries will say stuff like, "I was never interested in boys as a girl, even when I was dating them" or "I've always looked at women as the beautiful creatures they are." Fuck that, yo. I've been a greedy little bitch since I was a teenager. I�m bisexual, and well, that�s the way it�s gonna be until I get these chicks outta my system. I love men. Dicks aren�t the most beautiful things on earth, but I can love a man. I�ve tried loving women, and it always feels foolish. It�s taken me four years to get this down, but I realize that I see women as sexual objects. Come on, if men can say it and mean it, I sure as hell can too. Anyway... when I was fourteen, I'd tell people straight up that I liked both boys and girls. My goal at 15 or 16 (I hadn�t even lost my virginity yet) was to have a threesome with a guy and a girl before I was 25.

Go me, achieving goals.

My very first boyfriend, when I was 13 going on 14 (Again with the virginish me... no dicks in my holes yet, thank you) asked me this very question, quoted word-for-word: "If we ever had sex, would you consider letting me watch you kiss another girl... but like, after we had been having sex for a while?" I then, being the overly-blunt kid I was (ha, �was�), told him this- "Sure! We could have a three way sex after we've been having sex together for a substantial period of time. That's only if the sex is good, though. *laughing* But the other girl would have to be someone I trust, because I'm not trying to find out she's having sex with you... without me! Then I'd dump your ass."

Sadly, we never had sex, so we never got the three-way together. I did dump his ass, though... well obviously, seeing as how I�m living in Pennsylvania, in an apartment rather than a trailer park, am child free, and wearing shoes outside of a kitchen.

I didn�t do much work yesterday, so today was pretty much catch up day. I kind of enjoy catch up days, because they almost justify my being here for a period grater than 5 hours per day.

I propose that we as a society agree to add an extra day to the week, thereby giving us an eight day week, where we work five days and every weekend is a 3 day weekend. This would make the years seem shorter, as there would be fewer weeks, and make the work week seem like less of a burden. It would give us 45 weeks a year, and also the opportunity to have a leap weekend consisting of three additional days every four years. February would have 31 days every 4 ears, lol-- adding two extra birthdays, and totally ruining Pisces as we know it.

But seriously, eight days a week sounds awesome.

Like, right now, let�s imagine you work a full time gig 40-50 hours a week, 5 days a week. If you don�t work a full time job please don�t be like, �Well, I don�t� this is hypothetical here, can I get even remotely existential without hearing your shit? Yes? Okay, thank you. *feh* Now to continue: If you could work 4 days a week, adding like two hours to each workday, would you do it? I would. If I can earn a whole extra day every week, that would kick so much ass that it�s almost painful to think about.

Painfully ... awesome.

Anyway, if you�d do that, wouldn�t you be down for an extra day off? We�d be working smarter, not longer.

Something for the people who run the standards of time to think about.

Okay, this was way long, and took an entire day to write. I�m done now.

Love and adoration,

Pam