Yay for vagina doctors!

Hi,

Along with another bill and some magizines, I got my health card in the mail today. How fucking exciting is that? This truly is an exciting event. Why you ask? Because that means there's a trip to the Cunt doctor in the near future.

Not too many chicks of the sane persuasion enjoy going to the puss doctor. Honestly, there's little pleasure gained from having a strange man stick his index finger inside your vagina all the while asking if you check your boobs regularly for lumps. There aren't too many women who get into the vagina touching branch of medicine. It's a shame, because that's where the money is. Some article I read on MSN news said the cunt doctors of the United States are among the highest paid indivduals in the country.

If only they could make visiting these well paid, clamp weilding indviduals more fun, life would be grand. I try to make my own fun, though. Filling out the questionaire is easily turned into tons of fun,

Consumption
1. Do you smoke? no
2. Do you take illegal drugs? no 3. Do you consume alchoholic beverages? Yes
3a. If yes how many times per week? Depends on how drunk I'm tryin' to get.

They don't like that answer.

They also have a ton of questions on there about how many sexual partners you've had. Some of the questions get fairly specfic- they want to know how many of your partners were men, how many were women, and the best question I've read at the cunt doctor was one I saw last time: "Have you participated in oral sex with men?" There's no answer higher than yes, so I always put down "Yes and 1/2"

So, I'm looking forward to the questionaire, because it makes me laugh. Usually I put down reasonable answers, but on occasion I just can't help but be a smart ass. I'm not looking forward to having a clamp open my insides up. Nor am I looking forward to having an Jewish man old enough to be my dad feel me up. What I look foward to is the Birth Control that he'll scrawl out a perscription for on a slice of fresh Rx paper.

I've spent almost eight months with no medical birth control. As a person who's really fucking paranoid of becoming pregnant, and also enjoys sex I can safely say that's due cause for worrying. The nice doctor will write me up for the patch! Then I'll stick it on my ass, and the worring will cease. Yay for modern science.

I had to share that. Now I can go to bed, and have nice dreams of non-infant-worrying. Yay!

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003 at around: 2:48 PM

Too exciting

Oh fuck,

I�m taking a break right now because my computer restarted, and since we don�t use any microsoft products-- or a quality software package with an autosave feature, my work for the past two -mother fucking- hours wasn�t saved. Granted, it�s my fault for not saving regularly, but I�m still a little pissed. I also didn�t bring my reading glasses to work today, so the tiny font on this computer is very difficult for me to read. Oh... and my e-mail isn�t working, and I�m not allowed to fix it myself.

I suppose the title, Special Projects Editor is also a synonym for �Technically inept.�

I actually rolled my little chair away from the computer for awhile and started alphabetizing stuff. Again catering to my inner librarian. Later I�ll shush some kid on the bus, buy a pair of those ugly 1950�s seeing glasses, and start wearing pearls with casual attire. Sexy.

*ahem*

Well, it�s Wednesday, and there�s no karaoke update this morning/afternoon. The ladies of karaoke were not quite up to it last night. We may head out for karaoke and drunkenness on Saturday, the day of the drunken rabbit. There is no myth behind drunken rabbits and saturday, it just sounded good in my head. So- It�s good that we didn�t go out last night, though. Personally, I think we all needed a rest. Ali was just getting home from her folks�, I�m too broke and frankly a little worn out after the past few days, Illy is in Japan-- so uh... she can�t make it, and T-rice is a fully fledged member of the IQC (I Quit Club). According to Frank, the IQC is strikingly similar to the Sith from Star Wars. *I�m laughing as I write this, but he really said this, believe me, okay?*

See, when I said my fuck-yous to my job back in November, I was apparently seeking IQC recruits. I found my recruit... Frank. *dramatic star wars music Buh dah dah ahhh* He quit his job, and became my apprentice. I was the IQC master. Fall before me and tremble! Then, a few months after, Frank recruited Crazian John. No job fo� you! Not too long after Frank found an apprentice, I found me a job. Now Frank is the master, and Crazian John is his apprentice. Watch out, Frank is the rock upon the eternal shore, your fate is his plaything. Be afraid.

Now the time has come for John to become a master, and for Frank to find a gig. Latrice has escaped the chains of underemployment in search of a better life as an IQC member. She is now the apprentice, and Crazian John will be her master.

The circle continues. *more dramatic star wars music*

end frank�s theory

Yeah, so I�m scared.

That isn�t even mentioning Fuckin� Mike�s (Mike L from the glossary) plans to begin the Dark Order. I can�t get too much into detail, as I have been sworn to secrecy and I�m sure they�ll kill me. Oh man, curse the day that Fuckin� Mike and Frank are ever rulers of the planet. There�ll be swearing, death, and um... death.

They�re so funny-- Fuckin� Mike and Frank. They really are like brothers. I think it�s adorable, even if nothing they say when around each other is particularly adorable. The average words said are �Fuck� and �you.� It�s entertaining, trust me.

My mom.

Yeah, I don�t have a good segway for this, so that�s what you get. Mom�s been, well, �buggin�� as they say. In a good way, for a change, though. For the past four weeks or so she�s been bothering me about wanting to have a little �How are you liking dating my daughter for the past few months,� chat with frank, and have me present. It all has to do with how much I�ve been telling her about how nice frank is and such.

So she likes Frank now. Who�da thunk it. That makes me very happy. On the flip side of the situation, Mister Boyfriend Man still doesn�t care much for my Momma. That�s kind of a bummer. It�s understandable, because she doesn�t have the greatest track record with well... people. I love my mom, but honestly on most days I could take her or leave her. Usually I lean more toward the latter. For those of you who aren�t aware, my mom is crazy. She�s fairly well adjusted, but for the most part, she�s pretty whacked the fuck out.

Now there�s a dilemma. I have a mom buggin me about wanting to say Hi to my boyfriend again ... like, ever-- and a boyfriend who�s like, �I�m not tryin� to be near that woman.� Okaaaay you guys, damn. That sucks. The next few weeks will be spent convincing Frank that my mom isn�t going to try to kill him, and let my mom know that frank needs a little time. Jesus christ, all this and I haven�t met Frank�s dad yet. My mom is gonna give me that peptic ulcer I thought I had escaped.

I need to not worry about this.

In less wig-me-out news, I�m considering plans to go to New York next month when the money will flow a little bit looser out of my pockets. There�s so much to do in New York, though-- I�ll have to try and make plans, so I don�t end up taking a trip to a huge city to do nothing all day. However, I have gone to New York with twelve bucks in my pockets, no plans, and still somehow managed to have a good time. New York is that kinda town.

This week has been weird at work so far. I�ve been reminded by my behavior that I�m pretty ADD. With a combined lack of the ability to concentrate on things, and ... wait, what was I talking about?

Get it?

It�s been a rough two and a half days. I�m way motivated to do the [sarcasm] ever so exciting work [/sarcasm] that I have remaining to do, and I�m pretty sure I can get it all done in one nice 8 and 1/2 hour day, but I can�t concentrate for more than an hour at a time. At least I�m keeping on top of leaving notes for myself, and returning phone calls. I even remembered to do my bills last night. Oooh, this entry is getting too exciting for my blood. Time to end this. Talk to you cats later.

L&A,

Pam