And demolition will begin....

Now.

Tonight, I'm getting anal....
You have to clean the entire house, no matter how picky I get.

Salespeople are weird.

This is just my week of stating the obvious. First, �Family Guy is funny,� now, �Salespeople are weird.� What�s next? I�ll be writing, �Americans are stupid,� �Paying bills sucks,� or my personal favorite, �All my friends are assholes.� Sorry if you�re my friend (I�m not sorry that you are my friend, but you get me. I�m being very parenthetical this week too.) but if you know and like me, you�re probably an asshole. I�d bet good money that you were that way before I even met you.

I digress.

Yeah, so this position requires interaction with salespeople... just like every office job in a place where things are sold. I can never tell if salespeople are- A. really nice people, or- B- they truly are the bain of society. I�m going with C- they�re cool, so long as they don�t want anything.

This isn�t saying that all people with the ability to sell things are evil. That�s the same thing as saying all black people are gun toting, uneducated people collecting welfare checks for their seven children.

I don�t qualify for welfare.

Yeah, so I was saying that not all people who can sell things are evil. My boyfriend could probably sell a homeless person wall to wall carpeting if he wanted, and he�s a total sweetheart. I�ve told stories about how he sold me a good 500 bucks worth of PS2 stuff before we started dating. My friend Erica is the kindest person I�ve ever met. At my last full time gig, I made nice-nice with her. She�s a super-salesperson. Perhaps she was a great salesperson because she was never slimy or lied to her customers. Always direct and to the point, Erica could tell her customers, �You need to buy this,� and for whatever reason, they�d agree.

So far today, I�ve interacted with five of our salespeople here at Napco. I�m pretty sure that three out of those five have given me either cooties or the heeby-geebies. There�s this one guy here, John, who�s really nice. He bought me candy a couple of weeks ago (mostly because he always eats the candy I keep on my desk for visitors to eat). That�s a total shmooze tactic, but I welcome presents-- especially ones I can eat. Aside from the obvious �let me suck up to you so you�ll take care of my clients� candy, he�s an okay guy, is always on top of his accounts, and otherwise does a great job. He�s not too slimy, as far as I can tell.

Then there�s the rest of �em.

Kathleen is this old lady, who�s a member of what I like to (silently) refer to as the Old Broad�s club. There�s three unattractive, wrinkly, older white women who hang out together, and she�s like their leader. I see them sometimes when I go to get my lunch, and they�re always brooding or bitching. She carries heeby-geebies, and old lady cooties. The other two guys, Paul and Jim... they ooze slime through their skin. They just scream sleaze with their designer tee-shirts, funky haircuts, and salesy lingo. Cooties!

I need a shower.

I need to see a dentist somethin' fierce. My bottom right wisdom tooth (an ongoing vexation since 2001) is kicking my ass. It's not even really growing, or hurting my mouth badly. It's finally cutting the flap of gum covering it, which means it bleeds... constantly.

I don't have sense enough to leave it alone, because I want the skin flap to go away ASAP, so that I can finally just have a tooth, rather than an annoyance. The skin flap causes me pain, and also makes me swallow what I imagine is an unhealthy amount of blood throughout the day. I�ve been getting lightheaded a lot today, which sucks, because I get up quite often to go put stuff away, check the fax machine and other things that are generally done in an office.

That and I�m crazy horny. All that blood coming out of my tooth must be the blood that�s supposed to go to the section of my brain controlling horniness. That, or the female hormones and chemicals in my ortho-evra patch are kicking back in. Today was patch-change day, and at about 2pm I was insanely horny. I had to share.

okay, it�s like five of four, I�m getting the fuck outta this office.

Love and adoration,

Pam

SMOKE