Read it, Love it, Like it

So I haven't really updated in a minute. I had intentions of doing so last night, but since I didn't go to bed until like, 5am, everything I wrote was complete dribble. This is opposed to the random dribble I usually write.

And hey, I know I can't spell, form complete sentances, or keep in present tense! That's why this is a personal journal, and not a newsletter. Damnit.

Today is my last day as a game advisor. I'm still not sure if this is one of my brighter ideas, but hopefully the paranioa of not being employed by anyone will encourage me to seriously search out a job. I'm not even conserned with making more, or equal to what I made at EDU, although I'm fully aware that I'm worth more than that. When I was working at edu, I was making well below what I should have been, but much like rightnow--- I just wanted a job.

Tonight, I said I'd go to karaoke, and drag a bunch of people with me to celebrate my unemployment. Meh... I'm not really feeling it, but I need some karaoke in my life. I haven't been to karaoke since before my birthday. That's an entire month, dude! My mind is going into withdrawl. I have a karaoke machine at home, however, I don't have an audiance at home. I haven't really performed at all this year. Well, unless you count the miss philadelphia tryout, that I killed, destroyed and maimed.

On sunday, Sharee has an audition, and I'll be joining her on the trek to the studio. There's supposedly this guy there who produces music, and maybe I'll be able to talk my way into a demo, or a performance, or something. I have to fill my professional life with something, man.

I feel so intelectually unfufilled. I don't have a challenging job. I'm not in school. The best intlectual challenge I have right now is my boyfriend, lol. He's smarter than I am, and that's so refreshing in a world full of stupid people. *insert my smile here*

Anyway-- last night, I tried writing an entry about relationships in general, because sharee was telling Frank and I about what's going down in her relationship. I failed several times, as you can see. I'll try to write about some of my opinions later when my mind isn't quite so cloudy.

I think I've run out of stuff to write about for the time being. Well, I'm going to post this before I don't. I'll try to write something more interesting later today.

And I repeat-- "Give it to me raw, and wrrrrrrrrriglin'," was my phrase first.
Pam

Written, Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003 at around: 11:02 AM

And it was all Yellow

Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited,
energetic, and childlike personalities in the
aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful,
sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life
purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun,
and to help heal the planet.

Written, Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003 at around: 10:59 AM

Fresh air!

Goddess of green. You probably prefer to be outside
where you can get some fresh air!

Written, Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003 at around: 11:10 PM

Need I say more?

Your Hottest Body Part is Your Lips!

You put Julia Roberts to shame.

You control men by smiling, laughing, and your other "oral gifts".

Kissing is your forte.

You've got wrapping your lips around a guy down to a science and an art form.

You can even pout to your advantage.

You just don't pay lip service. You are THE lip service.

Celebs who work their lips as hard as you do include: Angelina Jolie, Denise Richards, Naomi Campbell, and of course, Julia Roberts.

Want to play up your lips even more?

Play down everything else around them.

Use subtle colors on your eyes and cheeks, going very red or pink on your lips.

And keep your teeth nice and white... makes your bright smile even brighter!

What's Your Hottest Body Part??

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Written, Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003 at around: 5:36 AM

Crazy game stop dream

I just woke up from having a bad dream, and honestly I don't remember what the dream was about. I just woke up all freaked out and distrubed. All I know is that when I got up to go into the living room for comfort, all the lights on my cable modem were on.

I was without internet service for the past two days or so. Aperently the signal strength going out to my apartment was too low or something. It isn't time to celebrate, because this problem has occured several times. So my ISP is sending out a technincian who should resolve this issue once and for all.

I was all inspired to update yesterday, and the day before, but I just flat out forget what I was going to write about. I'd like to write about that wacky dream, but the details excape me. Maybe I'm having weird dreams because I'm not feeling well. I need to go see a doctor soon, but I won't. Gone away are the days of health insurance being issued to pamela, and with them are the days of my visiting doctors.

Well, that's a lie. It just helps to be mad at somebody. Maybe it's all due to the weird dream. Although the dream that woke me up totally excapes me, I remember one of the dreams I had during the 3 or 4 hours I was sleeping.

I had a dream that I was working at game stop. A darker, larger, game stop, but it had a look similar to Frank's store. The store wasn't terribly bigger, but the lighting was much different. The lighting was blue, and dark, like when you look at something under the ocean on those silly diving shows. The light fluxuated like the store was under water, and it was signifigantly darker inside than outside. The dream began with me coming back from a trip, and going straight into the store upon my return. I don't think that I was actually working for the company, but since Frank and John were busy, I volunteered to help. Maybe I was supposed to work, I'm not too sure. (Yes, they were working together, and the twisted version of the 24th street store.)

I was signing for Fed Ex packages, and on the line, which seemed to be hand written, there was a space for "Name" a spot for "date," and lastly, a section for "Astrological Sign." I don't know why. I just filled out all the information, and looked at everyone else's sign. The fed ex guy came back, and I had to sign it again, and everyone who had signed after me was either an aquarius or a Pisces. Yeah.

So anyway, I was opening the boxes and entering them into a laptop computer, which sat on the nintendo games while Frank was re designing the store, and john was ringing people up. At some point I ended up talking to this person on the phone, because she had upset frank and he refused to speak with her. I don't remember the details of what I said, but I basically told her not to fuck with him, or the store lol.

I grab a clipboard, and start doing the PS2 title on hand report, -which I secretly enjoy doing, because I get to hold a clipboard, which makes me feel important, and I get to do a project not involving customers for an hour- and, this latin guy comes into the store. He was dressed in some sort of armed forces uniform. In real life, I've never seen this man before, but he came in and spoke to Frank and John like he knew them, and they knew him too. Aperently in the dream I knew the guy too, because I kept asking him questions.

It turned out that Juannito, (I don't remember what his name was in this dream, because much like in real life, I'm not too good with names)was being shipped off to fight George Bush's 100 billion dollar war. I got all worried, and there was nothing I could do, so I got upset.

The guy bought his game -some x box game, it was green box!- at frank's terminal. Frank gave him a discount. The guy thanked him for the discount and left out, waving to us. I followed him to the door, and watched him get into his car, which was some really cool mix of a suv and a sports/racing car. --too much monster garage for me!-- When I opened the door it was like, the middle of the day. I shouted to him, "I'll see you later, right?" and he goes, "Yeah, I'll see you when I get back! All of you!" and after he said that, it was like, night time, and the parking lot looked different, like it wasn't really outdoors anymore. In order to get to the strip mall, you had to drive into this weird driving enclove, through this intersection. Then he went on his way, driving out of the parking lot.

As he drove away in his phat ass car --yeah, I said it-- I got this overwhelming feeling that he was going to go to this war, and die.

At first, I tried finishing the title on hand report, but all I could think about was how that guy was going to die. I tried talking to the guys about other things, but I just kept thinking "This guy is going to die." For whatever reason, I was trying to cheer John up, because he'd had a bad day, but it didn't really work because I was wigging out over this guy's potential death.

I turned around to the inside of the store, which was empty except for the employees. For whatever reason, Darrell and Ralph popped up. Ralph started talking about war, and went into the back room, disapearing for the rest of the dream. I looked at John and Frank, and I was upset, because our friend was going to go to war and die. I put down the clipboard and stood in front of the counter, and in a fit of frustration I said, "He's going to die fighting that stupid war!" Frank, John, and Darrell all looked at me as though something was wrong with me. Much like I'm sure they would if I really ever said anything that fucking crazy.

So everyone is standing in the crazy, slightly larger, underwater lighting having, 24th street store, looking at me like I've lost my mind. I told them something along the lines of me not being able to handle the store, and that I had to leave-- I told frank something like, you'll be able to find another manager, and that everything would be okay because he had darrell and john working for him. I walked out of the store, and suddenly it was daytime again, and the lighting was normal. I sat on the curb outside, crying, because our latin friend was going to go die, and then, someone, I think it was Frank, closed the store. Yes, it's still daytime out.

Everyone, came outside, and Frank came and sat on the curb next to me. He said something really nice to me, and I stopped crying. I just put my head on his sholder and said something like, "Thank you so much," as I buried my face in his sholder. It was kind of inaudible because I was face down, but frank understood what I said. Then Darrell, who was standing behind us, turned to John and told him to go buy some liquor, and that he needed a drink, because he was very upset. John went and got it.

Then, Frank stood up and asked me if I was okay. I said something like, yeah, I'm cool. Then frank gets up, and grabs his keys, hits the button for his alarm, and it came from this cool ass mustang convertible. I can't remember weather the car was blue or green... but it was cool. John came running back to the car and Frank ended up driving us to go to eat at this diner that the guys basically live at. We did drink the liquor that darrell told john to buy, and that's all I remember.

That was a fairly detailed dream, for me. I'm not sure what it means, but there's just so much little stuff in there to anyalize, that I'll just do it later. As for this aquarian, I'm going to go back to sleep. If I have any other cool dreams, be sure they'll appear here shortly.

Written, Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003 at around: 12:13 PM

John is my friend!

See, let me give you a little backstory. A week or so after the Unboyfriend turned into boyfriend, Crazian John-- my bestest male friend at the time-- just stopped talking to me. At first, I thought that he'd just been busy.

He and I would regularly speak to each other every day. We would talk about everything and nothing, and it always made for an interesting experince. John's been there for me when not a lot of other people were, and that's something that I really apreciate. I was there for john when he went through all this shit with his ex-fiancee' and so on. John was there for me throughout all of the not-boyfriend episode, and even encouraged me.

Then a couple of weeks ago he stopped talking to me. At first, since I am, in fact, an asshole-- I figured I had done something to piss him off. Generally he doesn't stop talking to people unless they've done something to them. So, I'm all worried that I did something to upset him, or said something to upset him. I'm really good for saying dumb shit, as if that's a big suprrise to my readers.

Anyway-- for two weeks I worry about him not liking me anymore, and he's not doing anything to help the situation. On Frank's birthday, he called me in the morning to tell me that he wasn't going. He made it seem like he really wasn't gonna go, so I tried getting everyone who he'd speak to during the course of his day to convince him to go.

Then the kicker. Last night, John called me again. And it was like nothing ever changed. He told me that he didn't really know why he cut me off. That was an okay answer for me. I'm just glad to have my John back.

In other news, I still haven't got full blown sinitus, however, I'm only breathing out of one nostril at the moment. That gives me hope that my sinus hedache will go away soon. I really want to get sick so that I'll start feeling better. Frank isn't feeling well either.

Speaking of Frank, he said something nice yesterday. Well, kinda nice-- but you'll understand in a second. I'm starting to get paranoid about not actually working, because Saturday is my last day as a game stop employee. The job market sucks, and people with college degrees aren't getting work, let alone my college sebattical (Read: drop-out) ass.

So I had a moment of freak out while in Frank's car. "Oh my god, I'm going to be unemployed..." Then suddenly Frank gets all verbally optmistic. He goes, "Hopefully you'll find something soon," and I'm all scared and doubtful, and --here goes the sorta nice part, lol-- he says, "As long as I'm at game stop, you're welcome to work there," or something of that nature.

That was a very sweet statment. Even if it was an invitation to work at game stop. *insert my laughter here* He said himself that he really wouldn't wish that on anyone, but you know, it's cool.

Yo, why is this show, Monster Garage so cool? Frank turned me on... to this show, he watches it like, every week. You see, dear reader, many moons ago, prior to an intense lack of finances, Pam liked cars. Pam even knew stuff about how cars worked. This was because, Pam's mother, unlike most other human mothers knew stuff about cars. Pam's mom drove a shitty 1978 Dodge Aspen. This Aspen would be the catalyst of the daughter's acute knowledge of cars.

So anyway, my mom drove a 1978 Dogdge *POS, and I learned about cars. Then a couple of weeks ago, at Jason's house (no jason isn't in the glossary yet... a lot of people aren't..) John, Jason, Frank and I watch monster garage. It was so cool! They turned a bus into a boat. WOW. Then yesterday these dudes turned one of those itty bitty cars, Mini's, into a snomobile. It's amazing what people can do.

Written, Monday, Feb. 24, 2003 at around: 1:52 AM

What's the deal with onilne journals anyway?

I've been trying for a while to convince myself that I need to update. Then I remembered that one of my friends, who shall remain namless in this regard-- at least until she says that it's cool to mention her diary-- got an online journal today. I'm like, the Diaryland pimp, man. Everyone from here to middle earth is getting one, and they've all got me to blame.

Anyway, this friend of mine put up an interesting question. Isn't the concept of an online diary a bastardization of what a Diary is meant to be? A diary is something that one should cherrish, and be proud that they can keep to his or herself. When you have a diary, you keep it hidden, and keep it safe. Mostly people write in journals or diaries because they have something to say that no one else should hear.

Sadly, I often don't care about what other people hear. I was never one to keep my opinons to myself, and that's often made me quite unliked, lol. Most of the people who I read about don't let their friends read their journals. If they do they ever write about too much that's personal. It's odd that many people are under the impression that everything written within miabogard is the deepest, most secret stuff about me, because of how frank and indiscreet I sound. That's quite untrue.

Although I like to think that this is a venting outlet, and that everything within these tables and images comes from a tiny secret corner in my heart, it's quite untrue. That's what paper journals are for. I keep them hidden. I keep them safe. Everyone needs secrets. I'm no exception to this rule.

Imagining that in a world where the general public expects that one's image is their true nature, people would search deeper, is quite a futile task. Everyone is deeper than the surface, and an online journal is almost like a joke. People write in these jornals gingerly. If someone keeps pure anonimity, that's usually the only time that people may not be holding back.

It's all psychology. I keep a journal because I enjoy writing, and web design. At the end of the day, it's a good ego boost to know that people who aren't me read it. The attention of anyone who sees some of my surface issues is always welcome. At times, this online journal has been the vehicle for humor, informing friends that I'm still alive, and even the beginnings of relationships. More than anything, it's the attention of friends that draws me to updating 5 or more times a week.

Attention. A word I love and lothe. Although I do my best not to scream aloud for attention, I crave it like Gollem craves his precious. This makes me rather shallow, but whatever. Like I said in the entry below, I'm heading back into, "Pam is an assholeisim," and that's an odd place.

Yeahhh, so... I'm tired and mildy cranky. This sinus hedache has been taken up residance in my forhead for the past week. I doubt its vacation is anywhere near over, so I'm going to drink some water and go to sleep.

Written, Sunday, Feb. 23, 2003 at around: 2:02 AM

Um... I don't know what to do for a heading. You can make your own up.

Frank's birfday was good! It was all around an interesting experince for all involved. He had a good time, and it seems as though he actually enjoyed himself. Even more, Frank (even if he was lying) looked sorta supprised when everyone was at the venue of choice. He claims that he had no idea of what was going on, but he's pretty swift. Then again.... Anyway- It was a simple dinner get-to-gether kinda deal. Amazingly, all those invited showed up, and people who weren't invited didn't show up. Yay!

Anyway... Frank got presents. It was pretty difficult shopping for him, because, well, he said it himself. Everything he wants is expensive, and he has this terrible tendancy to buy everything he wants that isn't expensive. So, attempts were made to fill the day with events and people to make him happy. It seemed to work.

Wow, I wrote an two whole paragraphs without using any nouns refering to myself. Anyway-- he thanked me like 3 times for everything. I hope he felt special, 'cause he is. *sorry, had to gush, it's what I do, man* There was sex. It was good. Enough said. Sorry... Uh...

So, like I was saying--- I really shouldn't get into this because Frank reads this, but I'm gonna anyway, because the "Ice Queen" pam is slowly coming back. My assholedness is starting to peak again, and my warm and giving natures are becoming a bit more reserved. Sooo, let me tell you about this party.

See, I've been planning this event since January. Yeah, since a little before my own birthday, I started thinking about how I'd work out Frank's birthday. John was kind enough to hand the torch of planning Francis' bday, and I took the challenge on. And naw man, wasn't no F word involved in Frank's birthday. I was rather selective in who was invited to the party.

You know, I was a little bummed, because the orignal reason I selected the place I did, was because a friend of mine, Latrice, had her birthday party there, and there were these wings. Oh--- the wings. I like hot wings okay, but these make you sting. Frank likes that kinda shit, so I figured he'd dig that. But he didn't get no damn wings, which I think he was kinda bummed about.

Anyway, all my hard work paid off. John actually showed up and Darrell didn't kill him. But, most importantally, Frank had a good time. Yay!

So, otherwise, Pam Land has been filled with an immense (I spent about 10 seconds debating on if it's spelled immense or emmense... I forget.) um... where was I going with this sentance? Oh, Pam land has been fileed with an immense lack of caring for Game Stop as a corporation. My last day with the company will be march first, and I'm actually looking forward to getting two less paychecks a month.

Maybe I'll have a party on saturday night. Karaoke!! That should be interesting, because the last time I tried planning a Karaoke Party, only 3 people showed up. I like to think that I'm tolerated by many more people now, so maybe 4 will come this time. That, and oddly, when given less notice, the group of people I know seem to be more likely to attend a gathering. We shall see.

Why am I listening to the fucking spice girls, and singing along? Wow! I actually kinda miss the spice girls right now. That's funny, because the Karaoke Lady, Linda, calls me a Spice Girl. I wanted to be a spice girl. Seriously... like, I wanted to be Nerdy Spice. I don't think I used the word Nerdy, but I'm sure that's what the general public would refer to me as, even if I found a nicer name for my gimmick. I'd have enough money to get my eyes checked, so I'd wear my glasses, and I'd always wear a school uniform or a college sweater or something like that.

Well, I've been writing on and off for 28 minutes, and I feel like drawing some more before I go to bed. Thus ends this trip through pam land.

Written, Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003 at around: 2:01 PM

The last stop for game stop -catchy, ain't it?

Written, Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003 at around: 11:02 AM

And it was all Yellow

Written, Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003 at around: 10:59 AM

Fresh air!

Written, Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003 at around: 11:10 PM

Need I say more?

Your Hottest Body Part is Your Lips!

Written, Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003 at around: 5:36 AM

Crazy game stop dream

Written, Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003 at around: 12:13 PM

John is my friend!

Written, Monday, Feb. 24, 2003 at around: 1:52 AM

What's the deal with onilne journals anyway?

Written, Sunday, Feb. 23, 2003 at around: 2:02 AM

Um... I don't know what to do for a heading. You can make your own up.