"Pam"

Damnit! I done did it again (Ali, you have to check your nickname too now, lol)

Your first name of Pam has made you a friendly, approachable, and generous person. Generally you are good-natured, though at times you can be blunt and sarcastic. As you are naturally talkative, you find it easy to meet and make friends with many people. This name inclines you to be sympathetic and generous to those in difficult or unfortunate circumstances. You can be firm, positive, and independent in your own ideas and in reaching your own decisions, yet when it comes to taking action or following things through to completion, you often need encouragement. You respond quickly to kind words or any appreciation shown you. There are artistic, creative abilities in this name that you could express through music or singing, or, in a practical way, through sewing or interior decorating. You enjoy freedom from monotony and are stimulated by unexpected opportunities for meeting people, entertaining, or pursuing activities of a carefree nature. In your work, you find it difficult to be neat and orderly. You rarely plan things ahead of time, or follow a routine. Emotion and feeling, the desire to be carefree, friendly, and happy, are the driving forces in your being, rather than shrewdness, ambition, and material success. You could experience headaches, or problems with your teeth, ears, eyes, or sinuses. Health weaknesses relative to the functioning of the liver could appear.

Supprisingly, both Pamela and Pam apply. I checked some other people's names, and it's scary that they apply... and how well. *.* The link is in the "pamela" entry below, if you haven't checked your name yet. Spooky stuff! I reccomend that everyone check their full first name, and their nickname... that shit is spooky.

I wonder if that depressing stuff in "Pamela" is why I don't like being refered to by my full name. It's all psychological, man.

Far-out.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Friday, May. 02, 2003 at around: 1:39 PM

My tummy is empty.... sorry, that's the best I got.

Hi!

I haven't read any books yet, because my eyes still hurt from work. We've all been assigned to proof work, and the assignment I got wasn't done. That meant that I had to read a lot of really tiny fonts, and type them in.

I've gotta get some glasses.

Anyway, yesterday was one of my better days. The best day that I've had on my period so far this year, if my memory serves me correctly. I came to the library -I'm here again!- and hung out with Frank, Darrell, and John. And get this-- it was all at the same time.

John and Darrell have been having this silent "We don't wanna see each other" thing going on for a while, so there has not been much interaction between them. Somehow it happens every now and again, and it's entertaining as hell. Frank, John, and Darrell are some really funny guys.

We went to the mall, and hit up the regulatory best buy trip afterwords. The mall was well... the mall. Best Buy had lots of things for me dream of buying.

After John and Darrell parted ways with Frank and I, Frank came over to visit. His visits have been rather calm lately, and that's not bad at all. For the past couple of days he hasn't been feeling well, and I kinda wish there was something I could do about it, but well... uh, I can't.

Sorry that I'm not all deep and reflective today, but I'm really tired. Being on the rag is quite exausting. If you're not a guy, I'm sure you don't understand, but it's a lot of work to poot out the lining of your uterus, or at least it feels that way. I'm wide awake, but my body is still home in bed, smacking my alarm clock.

The little cut in my mouth is finally starting to heal. It still hurts a little, but that's to be expected. The wisdom tooth, however, is a dick. Well, not really a "Dick," then I wouldn't be able to speak, and probabaly not eat either... anyway, the wisdom tooth is slowly swelling up my gum, and making my jaw sore. Also, for whatever reason, my right ankle has been really hurting lately. My ankles usually get kind of sensitive around the red time of the month, but not like this.

Well, I'm going to go torture my eyes for a while, and read some more of a book I saw yesterday. No more updates until monday, I suppose. Jesus, am I back to this? I hate not controlling my own computer time. :-P Oh, and I'd like to take time to shout out to all of my AIM friends... Yo. ^.^

LOL

Love and adoraiton,

Pam

Written, Thursday, May. 01, 2003 at around: 3:57 PM

"Pamela"

Another entry, which is all amanda's fault.

from: kabalarians.com

Your first name of Pamela has made you happiest when you are expressing in some creative, artistic way, and not conforming to strict routine. In a large group of comparative strangers, you are quiet and rather shy, unable to express yourself, not really wanting to become involved in conversation. On the other hand, among friends with whom you feel at ease, you are expressive, witty, and quite charming. These contrasting natures make it difficult for people to understand you and can lead to friction in your personal life. You are deep, philosophical, and refined, but your extremely sensitive nature causes you to become depressed and self-pitying over any real or imagined slight. If you are not careful, people take advantage of your generous nature. You find the beauties of nature, fine music, art, and literature--all the deeper things of life--inspiring. The reserved, sensitive side of your nature brings aloneness and friction into your life, although you crave affection and understanding. You must guard against emotional excesses, which could result in depletion of energy, creating a desire for quick-energy foods. You could suffer through skin irritations, blood conditions, back trouble, and later, through arthritis. Heart, lung, or bronchial weaknesses could also result.

That's so damn right, it's scary.... I hope that rash clears up... LOL

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Thursday, May. 01, 2003 at around: 3:15 PM

A real entry... for a change

Yo,

Okay, yeah, my connection at home is officially gone. No more high-speed internet for me until comcast gets da monies. Well, here's what I was up to today, and this'll explain why you're reading this update.

I'm at the library, and I really have that not so fresh feeling. Well, aside from the fact that the crimson wave swam gently into my life this morning, right now I feel really dirty that I'm using a computer here.

The past two or three hours of my life are perhaps the most reflective, eye-burning, and delightful hours that I've experinced without the company of another human being in the past four months.

I left work this afternoon with no desire to go home. So, I took a stroll down broad street, realized that I have began to lothe center city, and headed toward fairmount park. On my way there, I passed underneath a few trees, not because the trees are plentiful on vine street, but because I hate being outside when it's hot. felt the sun hitting my skin, and the burn in my eyes from the light that I constantly avoid.

I swear, if I really was white, I'd be quite pale.

Anyway, I aimlessly wandered down Vine street, passed by the Philadelphia Family Court and saw the Philadelphia Central Library. Upon walking near the library, a smile came across my face. I don't smile much when I'm alone, because who should I smile for, me?

Nope.

So, I walked into the library. I figured I'd check my email or something, and then go home shortly after.

I walked into the front doors of the library, and now there are glass, automatic doors which welcome you by opening toward you as you walk up the first few, "Am I really going into a library" steps. Once I got past the second pair of automatic doors, and stepped foot into the cold, musty air of the library, I smiled again- a full smile.

Inside of the philadelphia central library, the floors are a hard, cold, off-white marble, which honestly seems cold, and reminds me that this is a state-run building. Those marble bricks and steps inside the library don't seem to have the same push-away feeling that every other state building like the Philadelphia Family Court, which looks a lot like the library from the outside, tend to present. Even the white marble steps that have years of wear on them closest to the handrail held by kids who didn't want to be at the library, teachers looking for better subject matter, and college students who had to prepare for finals were so welcoming to me.

As I neared the top of the steps, it dawned on me that I really didn't want to be in front of a computer at all. I wanted to read. So, I headed straight for some non-fiction, and I read for almost 2 hours.

I gladly spent hours remebering how my cheeks get warm while I read. Here I'll gladly spend hours on wooden chairs with seats so flat that they iron my ass cheeks an dnumb my thigh. I really love to read, and learn... that's my passion.

Reading those books that smell of ages and the boredom of people who read not for choice but obligation actually pleased me. I read these books by choice because I read to be taught, and completed. I don't often have the patience to read works of fiction in a library, because I'm always ready to get to the end of a story, and novels always feel so tedious anyway. I love fiction, don't get me wrong, but I want to find out what happens to the characters, and while I'm doing this I get wrapped up... and eventually get kicked out of the library.

I don't take books out, because I forget to take them back. I'm lazy, remember? I'll read them while I'm here, or find them at a bookstore somewhere and buy them, so I can keep them. Borrowing books is like borrowing friends or lovers. Why go after a weekend friendship, or a tease of a lover? Learn them, love them, and keep them for a while. I've gotta be able to keep what I read.

I read so much today, that my eyes hurt. Badly. They still kinda hurt, but I can sit further away from a computer screen than a book. I had to stop, because I don't have reading glasses anymore, and every time I'd look up from what I was reading (about once a half hour) I had trouble focusing on stuff 20 feet away.

The sweetly molding pages that have been ignored and given the boot are all over this place. I'd forgotten the wise and gentle feeling of grasping a book in both hands, and being analog again. Being alone and quiet in a room lit only by candles is something that I had all but forgotten, and put away in the drawer of memories that I like to ignore. I don't want to put memories like the library away there, because being here, and at the West Philly Regional are among some of the few truly happy memories that I can remember clearly.

I don't want to lose my dreams and defy whatever passion there is in me. I want to love life wholely again. I want to read.

Now all I've gotta do is get some damn glasses, and I'm set.

I'll probabally be here again tomorrow.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003 at around: 11:17 PM

I got sports, I got advice, I got a pain in my mouth!

Okay,

Enough angst out of me.

It seems like everyone around me is fluxuating, and my role as a counsoler has popped up again. As much of a responsiblity, and pain in the ass as that is, I really like it.

All of my crazy friends need someone to talk to who isn't going to tell them that they're crazy right away. I'll listen, and do my best to keep my opinions to myself. That is, until I'm asked for it. That always makes for a good time.

It makes me laugh that people who I haven't spoken to in forever will just ask me for help. Not even just the normal group of people, either. Like everyone I know starts asking for advice. And what do I know about life? Nothing. It's kinda flattering, in a non-sensical kind of way.

...

I have this cut in my mouth that I got from eating a bagel this morning, and it's really irritating. The infamous wisdom tooth is kicking up too, and it's relentless. Combined with seasonal allergies, this mouth stuff is enough to kill me.

Keeping me alive, is CN8, and my cable modem. I haven't watched this much sport-oriented programming since Gabi and I were into the NBA playoffs a couple of years ago. I really wish it was football season though, because it's always crazy watching news about the draft, and knowing damn well that it's nowhere near football season.

We've got football analysis for ya, but no actual games. We've got football experts, but no defensive plays... It's like the draft coverage is a cocktease. Like this is.

Thanks to Frank, mister Penguins Fan himself, I'm slowly learning more about hockey. I actually find myself reading up on that shit sometimes, when he isn't even around. Hockey isn't so bad, and it's a fine replacment for football in the offseason. Violence, defensive plays that tie your tummy in a knot, and funny canadian accents.

Entertainment ensues.

Well, uh, I don't got nothin to write about no more.

Love and adoration,

Pam