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Howdy! I had started an entry when I came in the apartment, but it didn't make any sense. Wait... if I were to start over each, and every entry that makes no sense, I'd have no journal. So yeah, I couldn't help it. Although it was suggested that my next layout change be something anime or Hello Kitty, I couldn't resist the power of Pippin. That's Nice! I'll work on meshing the colors later, I'm too tired for figruing that shit out. So, yeah... how am I doing? Um... Life kinda sucks, but you know what? I'm in a good mood. It's true. I guess that's why my readership has dropped signfigantly again. All I have left are my regular readers. They're welcome, and apreciated, however it makes me feel some type of way that less people come back to read when I'm in a good mood. I guess misery truly does love company. Well fuck that. I haven't been in a good mood during my period in months. The world should get on its knees and fucking rejoice that a woman is ovulating and simotaniously smiling. A lot of women play up their periods, and that makes me angry. Some girls, like a certian Gabi that I used to live with, really had problems when that time came around. Then there's these other bitches who try their best to use their period as an excuse. That's bullshit. When I don't feel good, I really don't feel good. Some girls will use their period as a "Test" of their boyfriends, or parents. Get the fuck outta here. I would never ask any male to buy me midol. I don't even take midol!! Well, I guess that's why I wouldn't ever do that. I wouldn't ask a guy to buy me Maxi pads or tampons either. That's just wrong. I wouldn't want to go buy whatever it is that guys get that would be embarrasing. Why put someone else through that?? Bitches make me angry. Oooooh, yeah, I've been meaning to write about this one. It's been stewing for a week or four. Oh, and yeah, I said bitches. See, a lot of girls like to take advantage of the fact that their women. That gives chicks like me a bad name. This pisses me off. Just because you're female doesn't give you the right to treat your signifiagant other like shit. Nor does that mean that you should expect anything of your partner. See, I've always been under the impression that you should never expect anything out of a relationship except friendship and caring. Phrases like, "And he'd better," really piss me off. Why? Because girls like to take advantage, and expect material results from these expectations. Get the fuck outta here. Too many women get into casual relationships and have these financial goals. Plus, I see a lot of girls treat their boyfriends all mean. That's abuse, and I don't condone it. That goes right up on my list with biting during oral sex. *burr burr* <--- that's the international noise for "No way." Anyway... that didn't make much sense, and was totally random. I got a new ringtone on my phone today. The animaniacs. Yay!How totally kick ass is that?? Now every time someone calls, It'll be like 4:00 on weekdays, back in the late 90's. Channel 29, dawg, WFTX. I even downloaded the Animaniacs' theme song as well as the Geography song. The one where Yakko sings ever country. Hell yeah. Goddamn, I am such a geek. Okay enough writing for one evening, I have a job interview in the AM. Love and adoration Pam
Here-- this is what I wrote last night when diaryland was going through some downtime. Written at perhaps�. 1:00 am? Hi, I really am not feeling well right now. I have a terrible, horrible headache, and my poor lungs don�t seem to want to breathe right. Perhaps it�s because both of my windows are open. One would imagine that fresh air would help the aforementioned conditions. Well, not exactly, seeing as how this individual resides in South Philadelphia, near an oil refinery. So my period-induced (yeah, I�m on the rag) headache refuses to get any better. That doesn�t assist my period-induced mood in improving, so for the majority of the day was spent sleeping. Generally, I would say that I had better things to do, which I�m sure I did. However, I severely doubt that any of the things that I could have been doing would be better accomplished by the me that existed today. I was even slightly moody when Frank came over earlier. I was basically miserable today. I�m honestly in a very good mood, but being fairly lethargic doesn�t do much to exude a good fa�ade. Trust me. I spent about 45 minutes outside in the sunshine this afternoon. That was good. Some quality time was spent between a paper journal and myself. It was so lovely outside today that I was inclined to wear shorts. So my eccentric ass was outside, in early march, writing, reading, and talking on the phone. Well, not simultaneously� Anyway-- I wore no shoes, or socks. Stupid socks. Stuff like that tickles me so. See, like I said, I�m not in a bad mood, I just seem that way. I�m not upset, not depressed either. I�m female. Sorry. Yes, I apologized. It�s amusing how many people are fascinated by my loathing of socks. Some people are even irked by it. Like, okay�I don�t like wearing socks, because they make my toes stick together. I like my toes to be free inside my shoes. I can never wear socks to bed, because I honestly feel constricted. I didn�t really speak to too many people today. Darrell called me, and proved, yet again that even my sappy-overly-optimistic attitude can�t cheer him up. Just for everyone�s information, this entry is not the product of me learning to spell better. (I�m sure someone noticed that there are no misspelled words in this entry.) Writing this in word allowed me to actualy use some of my normal vocabulary, without fear of misspelling. I typed this in Microsoft word first, because the omnipotent being, known as Andrew has been making network changes for diaryland. Hopefully this means no more downtime, but one can only hope. Love and adoration, Pam
Howdy there humans, I've made four failed attempts today (well, monday) to update. I really do try, guys-- I just end up restarting my computer or something. More on that a little later. Being upset will ruin what I want to write about. So before I get started, there will be some mild Frank gushing, random updates of the day past, and some serious ISP bashing in this entry. You've been warned. So, I'm unemployed. Yeah, there's the update on that front. Okay. Not much happened this morning. I got a visit from my ISP this afternoon (Please note the more on that a little later statment above), and didn't really go anywhere until Frank excaped from pri-- I mean, Game Stop. He called with an invite to go get a collective grub on with John, Darrell, and... Dante. I don't know if I've mentioned Dante in a while. Well, he was one of the -many- people who I didn't invite to Frank's birthday party. That kinda hurt his feelings, and although I felt bad that I had hurt his feelings-- I didn't really care for a while. Yeah, I said it, and I meant it. So, to continue-- we drove (well, they drove... I don't own a car at the moment... all unemployed and whatnot) to Pizza Hut. Entertainment ensued! In a group, Darrell, John, Dante, and Frank are some funny motherfuckers. They even make me slightly more humorus, and that's quite a bold statment. It's always weird seeing John face to face, because most of my interaction with him is either over the phone or via the internet. He's like a long distance friend who lives ten or fifteen blocks away. It was normal seeing Dante, because as much as he talks to me, I still don't feel but so close to him. It's almost like I'm his psychologist. *laughing* I'm everyone's psychologist these days. I don't hate it, though, it makes me happy that people trust me like that. Poor sods. Darrell was... well... Darrell. I don't get him sometimes. Hell, I just don't get him. He's just as much of a drama queen as all the other boys I hang out with, and he's supposed to be the astrological "man" out of all of them. Frank, John, and Darrell are all already 24 or will turn 24 this year. They're born in the year of the Goat. Very sensitive people. But here... think about this one-- There's John-- Full blown scorpio/goat, born in the middle of scorpio. He was born to be a dramatic ball of emotion, and that he is. Darrell is a libra. Libras are generally very strong willed, argumentitive people. Darrell is argumentitive, and very opinonated. That goat year took hold of both of those aspects, and shook the bullshit out of them. He craves attention like a Leo stuck on a desert island with a blind, deaf counterpart. He craves it, but he doesn't -need- it. Unlike a nameless Aquarius I know. Yeah, I said it. Frank is an Pisces/Aquarius cusp baby in goat year. If you talk to him, you'll hear the logical aquarius in him, but essentially he's an emotional water sign, like most other pisces people. That makes him one of those people who'll be driving, have a calm and fairly normal conversation with his passenger, get cut off, and roll his window down to shout obscene phrases at the dumbass that cut him off in an attempt to cross over 3 lanes at once. Yeah, I said it. Speaking of the boyfriend... he kicks ass. He stopped by the apartment today, and we watched Monster Garage. They turned a suburban into a mobile wedding chappel today. Uh, so yeah, he came over, and we watched tv. Frank is really good at making me smile. That doesn't take much effort, but he's one funny motherfucker. Thank goodness he cheers me up, because there was some serious ISP drama today. I started getting upset... like angry... when I looked down at the fucking cable modem, and all the lights weren't lit. Ooooh, was I pissed. Anyway, he made me smile, and I felt better. Yay! Frank kicks ass. So, yeah the fucking ISP drama continues. For the second time, a technical representitive of my cable internet provider visited my home. For a second time, I was given a false sense of closure on the frustration of the internet service provider saga. For perhaps the seventh time, I spent 15 minutes attempting to remain jovial and polite with a help desk specialist from my ISP. Now, for the fifth or sixth time after action being taken by my provider, I am weary of wheather my internet connectivity is going to last until I'm finished writing this entry. This sucks so much. It wouldn't be so horrible, perhaps, if every time that interaction between me and this ISP interact they didn't find something fucked up with my account, cable line, or service contract and claime that it was repaired, fixed, altered or WORKING. They've even tried convincing me that I know nothing about computers and IP settings. Get the fuck outta here. Okay, I'm going to stop writing about my ISP before I punch my monitor or something. Well, I wouldn't do that, but I'd be mad or something. Yeah! I really do get mad, I swear! Love and adoration, Pam
Good day, sirs and lasses- The Diaryland members area "Add an entry," webpage has been staring back at me for seven minutes or so. I've been awake since early this morning (like 6am, not like, the usual thought of 1:00 in the afternoon being early). This has left me tired, unusually absent minded, and in an overall weird mood. How does weird differ from normal moods of mine? Well, I'm giving a little less of a fuck right now. I'm unemployed, and although I'm trying really hard to find a job, nobody wants to hire for jobs that don't deal with handling money, video games, or food. You'd think that such positions would be rather posh-- Playing video games all day-- eating yummy food all day... handling money! No. The Video Games are not to be played while at work, the food tastes nasty after one week of seeing what the Chef washes his hands in, and it's never fun handling money that isn't yours. Yes, I am slightly bummed that I don't have a source of income that I work for. Yes, it sucks worrying about where I'm going to get money for rent in May. You could even safely bet both of your ass cheeks that I don't like the fact that I have no intelectual challenge scheduled every day. I've been so desprate for jobs, and attention that I changed my cover letter on monster.com out of utter frustration: Greetings! Yes, that's really what it says now. And yeah, I have managed system migration projects, damnit. It doesn't matter, though, because you know what? Employers don't give a fuck. If you're not a baby-boomer with years of professional experince, then you're just not working. Everyone born inbetween 1940 and 1954 needs to either move out of america, or be shot in the spine, rendering them usless to the workforce. Yeah, I said it. Yes that does include my mom. You know why they need to die? Because I, and many other people around my age, need a goddamn JOB! The truth of the matter is that these older people are getting jobs that people like myself are qualified for. Why? Because there's shit for work out there, and people are willing to settle. These older guys and dolls who are worth 50 and 60k are willing to settle for the 35 and 40k jobs that people with my level of experince are qualified for. Why? Because we have a republican president. Yeah, I said that, and I mean it! Clinton got head in the oval office, and that didn't make him a bad president. Hell, if I was president I'd wanna have sex in the oval office. Often! Bush probabally hasn't gotten any pussy from any woman, even his own fucking wife, in eight years, and now we're about to hit a 95 billion dollar war- With the wrong people!! Yeah, I know, weather the president is getting laid doesn't have much to do with the economy, but it makes me feel better to think that bush isn't getting any. I'm near settling for a 9 to 11 dollar an hour job, just so I can pay my fucking bills without worrying about where my next check is gonna come from. How horrible!! I miss 1997. I miss it a lot. Anyway, I've made myself somewhat pissed off by writing that. Let me talk about my day a little. I went to "work" today. LMAO, I'm getting paid 10 bucks an hour in defered pay to work on this independant film. I really enjoy it, and it's a weird kind of situation. I mentioned this breifly last week... I was orignally going to be the female lead for the movie, because the whor-- I mean, girl, who was supposed to play her was late to work. So whatever, I went... she showed up. Okay. Then I was the Directors assistant. That's a fun job. Then, today-- I get 3 phone calls at about 6am. One from sharee, another from the director, saying that he'd like me to actually act in the film, and another grumbly call from My Racist Momma. (No, I'm not quite over that yet...) I go to work, and I basically do two jobs. I act as one of the other female leads, keep track of what everyone else is doing, where everybody's script is, and still ended up assisting the director. I also had the privliage of hearing my mom nag in my ear all day. What a joy. Through all of this, I didn't lose my cool once. I'm proud of myself. Anyway-- the part I'm playing is this girl who's very, very emotional. She's always angry, or sad, or crying or something. It was kind of stressful going out of my way to be emotional. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every bit of acting today. I really love acting, even though I'm not so good at it, lol. I cried for the camera, fussed a lot, and even got to yell at people. In a way, it was quite a bit of stress releif. I'm excited to see how the movie comes out, especially now that I've both starred in, and assisted in directing it. I may even be helping in the post-production, which will be uber cool. Okay, too many words in a row make me sleepy. Love and adoration, Pam
Another lovely day! Tomorrow, expect some sort of travisty to life, for I've had two good days in a row. I did not make eye contact with any one of my friends today. Yay! I ate lunch alone at the nice center city mall. Lunch today was Shrimp Tempoura, and brown rice. Japanese people are prudish for a reason. Their food is yummy, but it's hardly what one could refer to as "Filling." Everyone in Japan walks on glass because they've all got half empty bellies. Tempoura does not a thanksgiving dinner make, if you know what I'm sayin'. See, the Japanese eat their marginally healthy food in pretty packaging, and us americans eat grease. We aim to satisfy the greed in our bellies, and the Japanese seek beauty. Or I could just be rambling. So, it was a nice day, that I've spent all by myself. I've spoken to Frank, John, and my mom on the phone, but I didn't see anyone. Even though I saw people online, it was still a nice, all by myself kinda day. I bought a bottle of Clinique's "Happy Heart." today. I used to wear just plain old happy, and then last year, I bought the Designer Imposter's brand. Today, the sales lady was like, "Have you tried Happy Heart?" I felt like laughing at her, because that's an odd sentance. It smells good. It's somewhat ironic that even my perfume is called Happy. That's a Yellow for ya, always trying to smile and whatnot. Oh, by the way-- yellow and aquarius are not synonomious or however that word really should be spelled. I've learned from Sharee that not all aquarians are as alike as I had previously imagined. Aquarians give off this weird first impression. That's because we're really fucking weird. We talk alot, have strong world views, want to be everyone's friend, and more often than not have a desprate loathing for stupid people. Beyond that is where the similarities end. Anyway... I am going to end this, before I end up not posting it. Love and adoraiton, Pam
Funny things-- Crazian John is still crazian John. He's thinking about getting a job on a cruise ship. That'd mean that he wouldn't be in philly much anymore. As much as this is probabally a good thing for him, I'd miss him. It's very nice to have an impartial person for -me- to go to when I have a problem. Mostly, everyone comes to their tall, brown, guidance angel (that'd be me) when they have issues. That's all fine and dandy, but outside of my boyfriend, I try not to discuss my problems with clients... I mean, my friends. So I don't want him to move-- but it'd be a good thing for him to get away from philadelphia. Maybe a vacation would help him. Hell, a vacation would really help almost everyone I know right now. It's time for a little excapisim. Oh-- and that friend of mine who has a journal, but I'm not linking just yet mentioned me in her journal today--- :-D "As a side note, I have this sudden urge to read up on the Aries personality. Just an aftereffect of hanging out with Pam every once in a while, I'm sure, but almost every time I meet someone new, I ask for their birthdays, in order to figure out their zodiac signs. As a result, I met an Aries, and I'm intrigued." ha ha. Love and adoraiton, Pam
What a lovely day Yeah-- it's been said that when I'm in a good mood the entries are boring. Well, fuck whoever says that, because I'm in a good mood, and I feel like sharing. Get down, do you? No?? Fuck you too. *evil laughter* Anyway, I spent a lot of time with Frank over the course of the past couple or days. It was lovely. I'm not even all tired of him or anything. He had a good time too, and made a point to say so! We basically just played video games, and watched the Lord of the Rings: Two Towers. Okay, yeah-- we spent the day doing nothing, but it was the nicest nothing that I've had the oppertunity to experince since I was a little girl. Sometimes nothing is so much better than anything else. Frank is one of the only people I know that I don't feel akward being quiet around. Spending 10 minutes in near-silence with frank isn't weird. In fact, its nice. In additon to all this, he's very nice. That's nice!! Needless to say, he makes for a very good boyfriend. Yeah, I said it. I really enjoy spending time with him. And he was going to pass all this up. Feh, silly man he is. Otherwise, I'm still going through ISP drama. After the cable internet guys came yesterday, one would have figured this saga to be over. Hardly, my poor mislead friend. This morning I awoke to a flashing cable-modem light. Fuck comcast digital cable. Fuck them up their stupid asses. So now another technician (A supervisor this time) is scheduled to visit my home next week. Let us all join in some PamPoopology meditation, and hope that the ISP issues in this apartment will end. Oh! Guess what? After a visit to the Cherry Hill mall, yours truly is now in possession of a bit of two Russian Lesbians! Well, technically, anyway. I have Tatu's CD, and I really like it. They're right up there with Avril, Michelle, and even Gwen in my book right now. Here's hoping that their next album doesn't stink. Oh-- I've created a new about me quiz. Just click the link at the top of the screen, and find out how well you know me, in an embarrising group of questions. Yes, frank got a hundred. Can you do that too? Take the quiz, and find out. Well, I've updated. Love and adoraiton, Pam
Ugh, There's nothing tangible for write about at the moment. Everything is a vauge idea, or something that would end up in a non-sensical rant. I have to stay in my apartment after 1 tomorrow, so that the cable person can take a look at this here connection. I would also like to do my laundry. In order to accomplish that, an alarm clock would have to be set. So... today... hmm... A portion of the day was spent in atlantic city. I had an okay time. I didn't lose a lot of money or anything, but let's just say that I'm not playing roulette anymore. That's not a fun game. Blackjack is fun, though. That is now the offical game of choice. Fuck the slot machines too. They prommise me quarters, and don't give up jack. *shakes fist at all non-wheel of fortune machines* After AC, all I really wanted to do was go home. Darrell suggests that we stop by the store, provided that I play marvel capcom with him. Although I didn't feel like it, he sounded all sad, and frank wanted him to come by the store anyway-- so off we went. My mom came by the store. *dramatic Duh duh duhhhhhh!* That was quite a moment. My brain hurt for a little while after that. In unrelated news, I can't stop listening to the TATU song. The two lesbian russian girls. Yeah. Dawg. Fuck what you've heard, and oh boy would I like to. I like the russian version of their song a little better than the american one. Meh, now I sort of want to learn russian. Japaneese is difficult enough. Why don't I wanna learn french or some easy language?!? Okay, enough of this writing stuff, I'm going to go look at porn or something depraived like that. Love and Adoration, Pam
Okay, This time I'm really going to post. I know I've left this page rather dry for the past few days. Sorry. I've been in a bad mood. Between why I'm in said bad mood (which I'll get into in a minute), and the fact that I've seen my friends every day for the past two weeks, I think I need a people vacation. That, and I'm sure everyone needs a vacation from me. Especially poor Frank, man. I feel for anyone who has to deal with me a lot. I've used this line before, but too much Pam is like eating McDonalds every day. It sounds like a good idea at first, but then it turns your fucking stomach. I know the deal. I live with me every day! Anyway, I might take a trip to New York, go to karaoke, or something like that. It's been a while since I've done anything spontanious and somewhat stupid. Before this week ends, I will have hopefully been out of the Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Deleware tri-state area, and spent at least ONE day without seeing the faces of any of my friends. I'm supposed to hang with anita at some point this weekend, and we're gonna see Daredevil. That sounds good, so long as there's been some excapeisim prior to that. Maybe I'll bundle up, and go swing on the swings in west philly. Swinging on the swings really helps me clear my head. Especially when there's beautiful surroundings, such as a park. I love the park here in south philly, because it's a center of irony. The little bit of nature sectioned off, inside of a dirty metropolis. I'm the director's assistant in a movie! Yay! Sharee's audition was for a part in a movie that Keyman's starring in. Sharee, being sharee, wanted me to go with her to the audition. Me, being a sucker, said "okay," and we planned to head on off to her audition on sunday morning. Sunday rolls around, and my mom calls me. "Hey pam! The lead girl in the movie hasn't shown up, and I told them that you're a good actress! You've got the part!" I'm like, COOL! Yay! So I start packing up some wardrobe, and making preperations. We grab sharee, and head over to the shoot. Turned out that the girl who was playing the lead showed up. I was a little bummed, but I dealt. It wasn't a huge change to my day. So I get comfy with my surroundings, size people up, and realize something. I'm in a room with nothing but black people. Wow. If I was silent, I might have fit in a little bit. LOL. So I hang out, and try to make the best of it. Most of the early morning was spent working the room, getting to know everyone. The producer is a weird old guy, but he is offering lots of opportunity, so I'm with it. Mingling with the actresses was easy, because we all started sharing boyfriend stories, and all that kind of stuff. I mentioned a couple of times that my boyfriend was white. This made my mom grimace. Yeah-- see, there was a point to that whole, "My Racist Momma" title-thing. I started watching them film, and grabbed a copy of the script from the script supervisor (read: dude who reads the lines back to the actors when they fuck up). I basically stole the job from him. I even started helping the director do stuff. As he was telling everyone what to do, I read the script. A lot of the scenes with keyman and the female lead were in the bed--- sex scenes. Okay.... So I ask my mom-- "Um, did you read the script?" She told me that she hadn't really, and intitally I kind of believed her. Then, it dawned on me that she had to highlight keyman's text. Riiight. From that point on, I just put any ideas of her doing anything intentional out of my mind, and just kept helping where I was needed. Keeping myself calm kind of slowed down once I walked out of the room where we were shooting to grab a pen or something, and my mom goes, "Pam, tell them that I'm a racist." I agreed with her, because my mom is a bigot, a racist, a person who makes judgments of other humans prior to getting to know their personalities. Oh, sorry... anyway, yeah-- they were having an argument about racisim. My mother is the most open, and blatent bigot I have had the opportuntiy of knowing. That's funny, because I'm all about "Races don't make people, people make people," stuff. So, it's pretty obvious that she doesn't dig Frank dating her daughter. That's fine. A lot of parents have trouble liking anyone who their child dates. Blind dislike kind of rubs me the wrong way though. In all honesty, I'm one of those peacekeeping people who seels the world in people, and steryotypes. If you're not a blatent negitive steryotype, I more than likely won't pay any mind to your race. Mostly, I see people before I see color. I just don't like ignorant people of any race. It's all about attitude and personality. That would make for a not so bad world. Sadly, my mom doesn't think so. This really pisses me off. Not to mention that it upsets Frank too. That kinda bugs me. I'm kinda okay now, though. Yesterday I was angry. If you're gonna not like somebody, let them give you a reason. Frank is a nice guy, and hasn't given her a reason to hate him-- yet. Complaining isn't going to get me anywhere, seeing as how I'm not going to change her mind. She sure as hell isn't changing mine, so that's that. There are lots of other things that I could write about at this very moment, but I am very tired. I'm sorry for the lack of updatage, and I'll do my best to keep up on it. Love and adoration, Pam
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