Why I haven't updated... a love story

Yeah yeah, I haven't updated my diary in over four days. So sue me.It's my diary damnit. You people make me feel guilty.

Anyhow.... I'm in a situation. My boyfriend and I broke up. Yup, six years. Over. Done with. Fini. It's a good thing, though. I was getting tired of him, and vice versa. Things have worked out for the better. I really don't feel much in the mood to write about it, though. I mean, I'm not all up in the air about how I feel, however, I'm not in the mood to talk about this just yet.

So, on to lighter news. Now that glenn and I aren't dating, I am free to date other boys. Horray! Well, boo, sorta. I like frank. Frank has a girlfriend. Damnit. Why is life always like a soap opera for me? It always seems as though some odd anime-like thing occurs in my life making me look like I'm even weirder than I really am. I've mentioned frank in my diary before, however, I don't think I really got into why I like him.

I like frank because he's witty, a college graduate (As of january! Congrats frank!), cute, wears glasses, and he isn't black. Horray! I tire of black men. They're starting to annoy me. Just the way they walk. Men with braids are a real turn off for me. Frank is very irish, so I doubt I'll have that "man with braids" issue with him.

Still, the girlfriend problem. Eh, that sucks. Thing is, she sounds like someone I'd want to be friends with. That is horrible, because I've gotten myself into this in the past. When I was going through my "I have a crush on Wil (go look at my glossary, you lazy reader)" Phase, I was worried about the position I'd have between wil, and his then-girlfriend donna. I sorta liked donna, when she wasn't going through her bi-polar "I'm superbitch" mode. Dear god, she was a complete bitch. Now she's pregnant with some other dude's baby. Poor baby.

So, back to my orignal point. The guy I'm crushing on as of this moment has a girl. I can't persue him, because I might meet this girl and like her. Plus, I don't want to ruin things for him. They've been dating for a couple of months now, and I think I would totally be messing up his personal life by pushing myself on him at all. God damn my morals. Damn them to hell. I'm so fucking nice that it hurts me to my soul. I really have this phyiscal problem with being mean. I can't even resort to stealing him away, because I actually know, and like him. I care about his feelings. Damnit.

Yeah, here go my problems with not being in a relationship. I think that's the only reason that glenn and I didn't break up for a long time. Because I have problems with not being in a relationship, I stuck with glenn, because of fear. Damn me.

Anyway, I doubt that I'll ever persue something more than freindship with frank, due to my waivering position on stealing people's boyfriends. I haven't met "Kay" (Frank's girl) yet, but from what I hear, she's a lot like me, and that's going to make me like her. I don't want to like her. I want to hate her, and find out that she's treating him poorly, so that I won't feel horrible about telling frank that "I really think you should be dating me. Let's go out."

This is all aside from the fact that I'm a direct person, and he's rather subtle. He is a pisces by the way... yeah, damn me being attracted to water signs.

Well, I'm a bit hungry and tired, and they're never a good combo. I'll write more often, I prommise.

my love and adoration should stick with you, even if you have a girlfriend...

Pam