Kinda lonely

Hi there,

As you can tell from my last couple of enteries, I've been feeling poetic. I really haven't been much in the mood for actually updating, so I've been writing down my emotions and experinces. Well-- here's a real update.

My fingernails have been growing. It's amazing, because they never used to

keep any kind of length. It was mostly because I used to clip them off as a

child, and during most of the last couple of years, I've had jobs involving my hands. Jobs where you lift shit. That's tough on your nails, man.

My hair is also starting to grow. It's well conditioned, and happy. I'm even

pretty happy with the color it is right now. If only I could keep it this

color forever.

Anyway **I really have to pee right now, but I don't feel like going to the

bathroom** I wrote a rather poetic interpretation of an experience I had a couple days ago in my last entry. It was touching and romantic. Well, at

least coming from me. The moment wasn't nearly as cool as I make it seem, but hell, who cares? It read pretty well, I suppose.

I'm starting to become "me" again. I've felt my way out of my past

relationship entirely, and I'm starting to behave the way I do naturally

again. I'm realizing that I'll never have a relationship with my ex again,

seeing as how I'm weirded out by the thought of hugging him.� That really

makes me happy. I also doubt that I'll ever have an actual "relationship"

with Frank. He, like many other objects of my desire in the past, has

floated back into the friend category. If he so chooses to pop out of that

category, that's up to him, and I doubt he will. I think he's happy with

Kay, and I'm honestly happy that he's happy.

I'm such a damn good person, that it occasionally hurts.

'Tis the story of my life. I'm the female version of the good guy. I don't

sleep with everyone I know. I really don't sleep with anyone, and I'm happy with a lot of friends. This often

leaves me rather sexually frustrated, but hell, what's a girl to do? I'll

happily have my heart toyed with in exchange for a few kind words and a pat on the head. One day that will have to change though, because when I turn thirty, I know I'll be dying to be married.

Ugh, marriage. This topic again. I said to Leighann on Saturday- "I don't

think I could ever do that whole marriage thing." She goes, "Why?" I'm like, "Well, I don't like living with people. Compromise is a part of my daily routine anyway, why should I have to do it at home? I'd need to have a large ouse with one room that is solely mine. I need a man room. My computer, my chair, my spot to write and express myself." She agreed with me saying that she needs that now. She doesn't have the peace of mind now to even write poetry. It's painful to see her like that.

She also says it's weird to see me like this too. The co-dependant without a cohort.

Tis best to be without a cohort than to be stuck with the wrong one. I'm offically on a search for a new boyfriend and/or girlfriend. Join me in my adventrues.

Right now my love and adoration are all alone...

Pam