You know what day it is!!

Happy motherfucking halloween!

I still haven't quite figured out what I'm doing with myself today. There'll be some happy-houring with the boyfriend, but other than that I'm not sure what the evening will bring. All I know is that it's very early in my day, and I'm totally ready to go home.

I'm feeling bunches better today. [quick recap] I've been miserable lately.[/quick recap]

Last night, I had a delightful conversation with my best female friend, Leighann. We have been friends since we were like, 13, and best friends since 16 or so. Every time we speak it's feels like we're recapping a conversation from a week ago or something. A true mark of a kickass friend.

She recently graduated with a degree in psychology, and is currently interning at Byberry-- the local nut house.

Anyway, she let me in on her life, and I gave her the not-so-quick recap. I told her about my irrational wigging out as of late, and she agreed that I need to just chill the fuck out and calm down. So that's what I did. We talked about life, psychology and astrology. We laughed about our friends, and got a little deep about life. It was really great to catch up with her, we totally don't speak enough. It's not like we live in different states, either. She lives in west philly, and I live in south philly. That's just 45 minutes on public transit, but that's 45 minutes on SEPTA-- Philadelphia's public transit system, which makes a difference.

Anyway, I'm starting to see life through pam-colored glasses, and I'm putting things into perspective. After being so upset, and wigging out about nothing, I had to anylize what had made me feel that way. You know what it was?

I'm happy.

Yeah. That's my problem. Feel free to kick my ass.

After a year of struggling to find out if I'd have a love life, 7 months of unemployment, two months of having no spending money, and at least a month and a half of hating my job, and coping with being subtlely misreable... guess what? I'm in a wonderful relationship with an amazing man who I love, I do hate my current job, but I have a fun and excelent job coming up in december (it could pay me more, but hell, if I was making 200 grand, I'd still want more money), in a little while after repaying some serious debt I should be even with the majority of my bills and will have even more avalible spending money, and life in general is smooth and fairly happy.

So that kinda scared me. Now, that's a retarded statment coming from a chick who refers to herself as, "lucky," but the facts that lie beneath the surface is that I worry-- a lot. I always wonder if there's a total black hole on the flipside of all happiness. For once, I flipped the happiness over, and it was actually happy on both sides, and that kind of worried me... "like, come on. This can't be for real." But it is.

Frank is absoultely awesome, and I love him sooooo much. Our relationship is all cool and stuff like that. :-D Thinking about it makes me smile.... This job (Special Projects Editor) is shitty, but my employer recognizes that I'm not made for data entry or contacting clients-- I'm made for web managment and technical writing. Woo! Yeah, so the only thing I'm missing is travel. I love to travel and I really need that. Like, most people like to travel, but as I get older I realize that I'm one of those people who truly needs to get away and be free.

Within the next month or so, I'm going to do some of that.

I just read some of my archives from the past few days, and I'm embarrased that I wrote that crap. So unlike myself-- and so whiny. Ew. I sound like a girl. Anyway, I'm making a prommise to myself that I'm going to stay positive, and keep my wits about me. My behavior has been totally unfair, and I regret a whole lot of shit that I said, because well-- I didn't mean it. If I said anything out of character, well, come on, it was out of character, and I was being influenced by drugs!

Anyway, I feel 100% better, excluding the cramping of my uterus and the blood inbetween my legs. Plus, it's motherfucking halloween! I'm not allowed to be depressed today. Anyway-- whoever bet me that I wouldn't feel better by the 4th of november owes me 5 (american) dollars.

Pay up.

love and adoration,

Pam