He doesn't like me. He really doesn't like me... that way.

Oh I give up.

I don't think frank likes me. If he does, he's not showing it, and it's probabally due to the fact that he has a girlfriend. I'm such an ass, I tells you.

I hung out with them today, and well, Frank was in a bad mood, because Eric and Noy (noy isn't in my glossary just yet) did a shitty job last night. I believe that eric is getting transfered. I feel really bad for eric, because he's been going through a lot of shit lately. His brother attempted suicide, his girlfriend left him and then had the nerve to come to his workplace and slap him! Shit. I'd be damned if someone would come to my workplace and slap me. But hey, eric is a very nice boy. Kinda cute too. I feel bad for him. He's been going through quite a lot. I wish I could do something to help him. Latrice said I should "comfort him." Or whatever that means. Feh, whatever. I want to "comfort" Frank. But he has a girlfriend.

I had a talk with Leighann today. I love her, that's my best friend! *grin* But I proposed my problem. You know, here's some back info, because if you're like me, you are lazy and don't feel like trying to understand what my past realtionship stuff has been lately. Glenn and I have been dating for over 5 years now. We decided that we wanted to not date anymore, but we're having casual sex. That's fine by me. Frank and all the game stop guys think glenn is my brother, which is also fine by me these days. I have had a crush on frank for a while. Frank doesn't really know that, but after the foot-in-mouth excersizes that I did this afternoon, he probabally knows.

Okay. So, I went to go work out, and afterwords I went to Game Stop. Fun. I hung out with Darrell (the cool black guy) and Bill (The gay guy) for a while. They showed me video footage of eric getting slapped by his girlfriend. (um, damn) Frank came in, and they showed him the video. Frank doesn't care much for eric, because eric is pretty much an idiot when it comes to work. Don't get me wrong, eric's a cool guy, and I really like him, but he's kind of ditzy. Anyhoo, Frank gets into a shitty mood because he's already missing a Pengins game, and he had to come to work to a bunch of bullshit. Woa. So I'm being me, as usual, and I'm being silly. As the evening goes on, I essentially pointed out the following things to the guys at game stop:

• I own a vibrator

• I watch Playboy tv

• I am attracted to women

Oh god. What Have I Done? I think this qualifies as serious self embarrasment. Frank was like, "You watch playboy? Big brownie points!" I don't know if that's a good thing, or if I should just shut down my PC and wedge my head inbetween my mattress and box-spring.

The fact remains, that Frank isn't interested. No matter what his reasoning is, he isn't interested in me. Even if it is only because he is currently involved, he doesn't want me, and that's that. Damn, why am I a nice person?? I simply can't stand this. But I was getting to a point about what Leighann said. I don't like dating my friends because friends are important to me. I like being friends with a lot of people, hence my big ass kareoke thing this tuesday. But I told Leigh about my delemma, and she said, damnit pam, go for it! Thanks for the words of wisdom Leigh. *laughs*

I don't know if I can go for it. Even if I did mention anything to frank, what could I possibly do? Say "You dumbass, why are you dating that girl, when you could be dating me? Hello!?!" No. Not quite my style. If he didn't have a girlfreind, I'd probabally be dating him right now. I'd be able to smoothly ask him out, and we'd do something. But I can't bring myself to do so if he has a girl. Maybe I should just drag my sorry ass to sisters next thursday (Wow, what a full week) and find some nice white lesbain girl to date.

See, that's my problem. I'm black. This means that black people are going to find me attractive. That annoys me. I don't really find most black people attractive in the least. Why? I like Geeky boys. Black men aren't geeky. Nor do they speak the way I do, and communication is the key, dear skywalker. I like white boys, asian boys, and both of the same in female versions.

Damnit, why wont a cute white guy ask me out? That's all I want. I want some nice aquarius or aries white dude who makes more money than I do to ask me out and take me to new york city to see a play. But what do I get? Fucking Braid-boy at game stop wanting to jerk off at the store video of me playing balloon-volleyball with Noy. Get the fuck outta here.

--SHIT. There is a copy of the email that I sent to everyone who I invited to kareoke at game stop. Oh, it's cool, frank opens the store tommorow. *phew* I was scared because I don't want braid boy to call my house. Ick.

Well, I was flipping through my favorite diaries, and I hopped on to fadein's diary. He's cool, and always makes me smile. He mentioned something that is now a small hobby of mine: googlewack.com. Oh shit man, this thing is fun. You pop two words into google.com in search of getting just one result. Things like "pecuiluar gastroenterology" and shit like that. Words that you usually wouldn't think would be on a page togehter. Often (Even after using a spell checker) I got no results. I was tempted to use two odd words toghether on this page, just so that I would get resluts, but I presume that's considered cheating.

Well, it's approaching nap time. Gotta go.

My love and adoration are aperently only for me...

Pam