Me and Lisa Turtle

Hey,

Quick interjection in your day. Read about Cunt doctors below.

This here fadein entry got me inspired. They say he looks like Steven Soderbergh.

That same group of They must really get around, because They told me that I look a l a helluva lot like (Lark Vorhees) Lisa Turtle, from saved by the bell.

Lookie here and tell me what you think: Pam vs Lisa.

They. Those bastards.

L&A

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Sept. 10, 2003 at around: 12:21 PM

Went to the Cunt Doctor

Hey human beings,

I�m drinking a pepsi vanilla, have on my anti-baby patch, and my period is calming down a little.

Life is good.

So... I went to the cunt doctor yesterday. They didn�t examine me, but not just because of the blood dripping from my vagina. The appointment was scheduled for 9am with my Jewish doctor guy. I got to the office around 8:30. When the receptionists looked up my info, they said, �We don�t have an appointment for you in here,� laughing ensued, and I basically told them, yo, I�m gettin� seen today, beeyatch.

Okay, maybe not all that, but they penciled me in, and I was seen by a female doctor, Dr. Choi.

That was oddly uncomfortable. Having this woman ask me questions about my period while she frowned upon me and the fact that I failed to figure the exact date of my last cycle of menstruation.

I felt embarrassed at the gynecologist! That�s not supposed to happen! Dr. Choi was this 50-something lady who looked very knowledgeable, and wasn�t terribly friendly. Female doctors over the age of 40 scare me a little. I�m all for girl power and shit, but those older doctor chicks seem to be just outright mean from years of having to prove they�re just as kickass as the guys. This is unfair for women, and a sweeping generalization coming out of me, but it�s what I�m going with until I�m proved wrong. Younger female doctors tend to seem nicer, and more approachable, now that their meaner predecessors have battled their way to being a farce in medicine. I�m unfamiliar with the exact psychological makeup of the older female doctor, but every female doctor that I�ve been seen by in my adult life who was obviously over 45 kind of frightened/intimidated me, and made me feel absolutely stupid, ignorant, and otherwise a dumb, average bitch. I dislike that feeling.

I feel for them and their pain which causes them this grumpiness. I�m also happy for them, especially this Dr. Choi woman, because gynecologists make gobs of money. I do wonder what kind of hell they went through during their residency, and what they have to continue to go through in their practice. I�m sure being doubted solely on the basis of your gender is a load of ego smooching crap. You know those ladies clawed their way through the 70s to become doctors, and are all about proving themselves to everyone on a daily basis, even though they�ve , which unfortunately for sods like myself, often includes their patients.

Perhaps the women who actually go on from their BS to head off to med school are just terminally grumpy broads. Medicine attracts some fairly neurotic guys, so I�m sure the women have their share of prerequisite mental disorders. I suppose being a grumpy bitch is just one of them. If you�re a female doctor over 40, or going to school to be a female doctor, sorry if you�re not a bitch, or you�re not a bitch yet. If you are a bitch, no apologies for you.

Be nicer, and prevent more disgruntled online diary entries from chicks like me.

Okay, I�m getting way too analytical about a trip to see the cunt of a cunt doctor.

Dr. Choi asked the usual questions, and I gave straight answers, since I didn�t know if she�d take me seriously or shoot me a mean look if I were to respond, �My mouth,� when she asked if I was using any contraceptives during sexual intercourse. Dr. Choi looked almost pissed off when I said I was menstruating. My period is always regular, but my cycle is really only about 24 to 26 days long, so it comes on different days every month. I honestly thought it�d be starting later this week, or maybe next week. She did a really good job of making me feel rotten about my sexual history and results thereof. �No, I�m not heterosexual. No, I�m not homosexual either.� If she had just let me answer I�da told her I�m bi, but nooooo. I wanted to see my 40-something Jewish guy with the lame sense of humor, Dr. Goldberg.

I now understand why guys are like, �I don�t another guy holding my balls and asking me to turn my head and cough.� Aside from the fact that she had a lousy attitude, I felt uncomfortable being seen by a female gynecologist, just because she�s female. I have a female general internal medicine doctor, and I like her. She�s very friendly and quite awesome. General internist physician lady is also kind of attractive, perhaps she is an insatiable sex kitten. (Yes, she is under 40 from what I can tell.) I don�t really want some other woman asking me about my period, and having to ask her about the fibroids in my uterus. I did not ask Dr. Choi about my fibroids, thank you very much. Ick. I�m glad I was on my period, because I didn�t want her poking around in there with her wicked witch of the west fingers, asking me if I had a normal pap last year. It would have been more of a turn on to have Doctor Goldberg scrape that little pipe cleaner around in my cervix.

Needless to say, Dr. Choi was far from an insatiable sex kitten.

So she prescribed me two months worth of the anti-baby patch, and made me make another appointment to see Dr. Goldberg next month, when he shall scrape the pipe cleaner around in my cervix. I will ask him about my fibroids. I will ask him about the size of my ovaries. I will tell him about my crazy-mad PMSing as of late, and that I break out due to hormones every month. I will not be ashamed. I will get my anti-baby medication refilled. The trip to the gynecologist will not be in vain. It will no longer be known as an american holiday. That day will be our independence day! Hurrah!

Okay, way too much caffeine.

I have such an exciting life sometimes, especially when I�m on the rag- Last night I came home, read my e-mail, slept, played with Koi, laid in bed for a while, Frank called me & we talked, and I slept more. Then I woke up, laid in bed for a while, and Frank called me back. Don�t you wish you were me?

When you were a kid, or maybe a teenager, did you ever call your friends and watch tv over the phone? I used to do that shit all the time. Looking at it objectively that�s the dumbest thing... perhaps, ever. �You�re on the telephone- why are you watching tv, and not saying much?? That�s not a �Conversation,� in any sense of the word. That�s just you being too dumb to hang up,� Says common Sense Man. (Oooh, new fictional character for this journal!) But in reality, actually doing the whole, watchin� tv on the phone thing, is embarrassingly fun. I had this discussion with Latrice a couple of days ago. We were reminiscing of being on the phone with whoever was our best friend at the time (because that�s the only person that you can ever really watch tv and be on the phone with at the same time without them going, �Okay, I�m gonna go now.�) and watching the same program as the other person.

Frank and I did that whole tv-on-the-phone thing last night. It was very, very, silly, but disturbingly fun. We watched Joe Schmoe (third best show on tv?), Playmakers, and Family Guy. It reminded me of the days when I was younger and didn�t do much but watch tv. I didn�t have like, uh... friends to play with when I was a kid, so I watched tv instead. I mean, I had friends, but none of them lived near me. Those who did live near me hardly ever visited. I knew the kids on my block, but my mom was afraid they�d kick my ass, so in the house I stayed. My sorry little excuse for a childhood was spent in front of the tv for hours at the time, so much in fact that for a few years, here and there, my schedule revolved around television programming.

I did do other stuff, though. I was a Girl Scout, which was a huge part of my life. I went to the library all the time and was really involved there, took martial arts, took ballet, played the recorder with the John Coltraine society, went to the Franklin Institute for computer lessons, the zoo, and the Philadelphia Academy of Natural Sciences all the time.

In layfolk speak, that means I was a cultured geek. Okay, just a geek, but close enough.

Allright, this entry is so over. Later, guys.

Love and adoration,

Pam