honest tired thoughts... *yawn*

It dawned on me earlier today that I've had this journal since the summer of 2001.

That's a long time in my world.

Longer than I've had this apartment. Longer than my current relationship. Longer than I've had Koi (my cat... I should add her to the glossary, lol). Longer than I've had my current job.

It's good to know that even I, miss flippiant and fly-through on a breeze, can be dedicated to things sometimes... and that I have a few constants in my life.

The little things are important.

I'm making a concious effort to not take things for granted so much, and apreciate all of those little things. Life is actually pretty great. Mine sure isn't perfect, but there are so many things that touch me, or just pass through that make it all worthwhile. A beautiful tree on the side of the road, a kind word from a stranger, or a smile from the person you love-- all those things are normal everyday things. But they're special.

There are so many awesome things that comprise life, just in general. As much as it frightens me, I love love. I also love emotion... no matter what anyone says about me, I think I'm a fairly emotional person. That's why all of these little things are so deep to me. A crying baby can be like thunder, and the gentle touch of a leaf falling from a big tree can push a mountain. They're all really serious things, that so easily go unnoticed.

I want to apreciate them all in my heart-- 'cause life is precious. More than anything, life is grand... even the bad days.

It could always be worse, right? :-D

l + a =

p

Written, Wednesday, Jul. 23, 2003 at around: 11:38 PM

Latenight ness

It's late again

I started looking at family guy stuff on ebay, and somehow I made it onto adam & eve - and started looking for panties and stuff.

I really want to go underwear shopping, it's been quite a while. I've been wearing the same old underwear, and although they're functional, they're not fun anymore. I love the thrill of wearing a new pair of undies for the first time... I'm thinking about buying a corset, because I think they're uber-sexy. I actually have a dress that would warrant wearing one now, so that'd be awesome if I could find a corset for a decent price.

Last year, I bought an awesome corset-like top. It was denim-- and expensive. I thought it was the coolest thing ever... then I lost it. I was very upset. Since then, I've been seeking out something similar, but aperently the only place that you could buy it no longer carries it, and all other corset-ish clothes are all very... well... slutty.

I own clothes that could be considered slutty, but most of them I never wear, or have a way of wearing that doesn't resemble slutness. As to not be mistaken for a slut, I don't wear their uniforms.

The underwear, though-- I like that stuff. I want to buy some nice, new stuff. I want some new panties, and totally need new bras. My boobs are behaving normally, meaning that they're in that akward area between b and c cup again. I have a b-cup bra that hurts, because it's so tight... but I have c cup bras that are totally too big. I hate bra sizing. Why can't they just custom fit the boob?

Custom fit for your tit!

How awesome would that be? I can think of a bunch of people who'd be dying to fit some tits. LOL.

I also totally want a new computer. This one has been giving me (a lot of) shit, and I'm totally running out of hard-disk space... again. Plus, I've really been trying to get a new computer for almost a year. It'd be nice to have a machine with 512k of ram. Frank reminds me (often) that I want a laptop. I really, really do... but if I can't afford new undies, then a laptop is a laugh. It stinks, because I really was planning to have a laptop before the end of the summer, but looking at my debt, that isn't gonna happen.

I'd also like to be prepared to buy Fable when it comes out for the X-box entertainment system. I need a new RPG. I love me some pokemon, but since I play RPGs so slowly, I still haven't beaten it.... plus when I get lost, I get frustrated, and have to take my time. Most of the goddamn landmarks look the same to me in 2-d video games! I'm totally lost in the water on pokemon sapphire right now. The water, which always disorients me, sucks... plus in pokemon, no matter where you go in the watter, you could be attacked, which is a big pain in the ass when you're trying to get some-fucking-where.

I was lost on the ocean in Final Fantasy 7 for almost a year before I figured out where I had to go. LOL. I've had Final Fantasy X and Kingdom Hearts staring at me forever, and the only reason I haven't seriously sat down and gotten into either of them is because the tv I have the playstation hooked up to sucks. I miss playing final fantasy x, maybe I'll hook it up on the tv in here.

Oh, and for the record-- Yeah, I used to play D&D. I've kinda outgrown it though. I don't have paticence for table-top games anymore. Maybe one day I'll sit down and roleplay with some people, but I doubt it'll be in the near future.

In honestness, I'm still kind of stressed. I'm actually handling that much better now that I'm not PMSing all over the place. Yuck. Well, I'm... really... stressed, but apperances are good, and I've been busy/active-- so everything is okay. Maybe I'll write about how I really feel in a few weeks. Maybe I won't. Stay tuned for developments!

I don't know what else to write about, so this entry shall end now. I'm going to try some sleep on for size.

Love and adoration,

Pam