Under some heavy construction

Shit.

I fucked up playing around with another journal... The layout is kinda screwy for the time being, but shortly things should be as usual.

Please bear with me as I go through some virtual construction. :-D

Love and Adoration

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2003 at around: 9:10 PM

80's throwback cd! Tattoos! Ah woo-ooh!

Hey folks!

Today was an interesting day. First of all, it's mid-april, and it's totally 85 degrees outside. No shit. That, and with sunshiny weather, usualy I keep my ass in the house. I like sunshine, but I don't like it on me.

Anyway, Crazian John, who is now an affiliate member of the IQC, drug my ass outside. He doesn't have a job, but he wanted to get a tatto. Well, stuff like that happens when you quit/get fired/your job is destroyed in a burning flame. Everyone who loses their job has a tendancy to want to spend a lot of money once they no longer have a job. Some of us by video game systems, others get tattoos, some even want convertibles.

Trust me, after a while everyone wants something to cover up the wound of being unemployed. I can't cover my wounds anymore, so that's why I complain. Sorry.

Anyway, I went with the Crazian, and another friend, Jason, to south street. South street is this trendy-ish spot here in philly. South street is one of those places that I only go to because someone else asked me to go with them. It's like the mens bathroom or something.

Yeah, I said it.

Wait, I usualy invite myself in to the mens room. No, seriously, when I was a teenager in college (wow, that's an odd sentance) if my friends would piss me off, they'd run into the mens room. These friends of mine must have not figured that many social/psycholgical barriers didn't effect me. I, being the same person I am today, didn't give a fuck. I would walk right in, and continue my conversation with them in a room filled with some very confused peeing men.

...

Anyway, we went to south street, and John used most of the money that's gotta last him until the end of time on a tattoo. His tattoo says rabbit in Japanese Kanji. It's a pretty cool tattoo, but it's kinda funny. See, john's last name sounds like Bunny, so... ah, I'm not explaining it. I think the fact that the tattoo is Kanji is terribly funny, because john is asian, but I had to explain to him why his tatto is Japanese. It's even funnier, because he honestly doesn't know what his tattoo says. Crazian.

I really would like to get a tattoo, but I didn't have any money, so no tattoo for me. That, and I'm a huge wuss. Maybe I'll get one after I get my first paycheck to celebrate. Oddly, I found myself planning my second tattoo. The first one I've mentioned on here before-- my astrological sign's (aquarius) symbol on my arm or somewhere simple (read: not terribly paniful). Now I've decided that I'd like to get a small (less than 7 inch wide) tattoo on my lower back involving a snowflake, and perhaps small leaves steming from the snowflake. I'd draw a sample and post it here, but that's pointless, because I don't own a scanner.

Snowflakes have a lot of signifagance, and it's not just for the reason I'm sure 90% of you think. Yeah, snow is white, ha ha. If that was what I was going for, I'd get a tattoo of an Oreo cookie and a glass of milk. Hmmm... The snowflake idea a smidge bit deeper than that. Each snowflake is different, and I'm pretty fucking different. That, and I was born in the wintertime, but it was very warm the day I was born. Also, I can be a very cold person, but I feel warm and fuzzy in my heart. Ah the irony. That's why I'd like to have leaves stem from it. There's warmth in all that is cold, white in the black, evil in the good... as they say.

Okay, I'm strange. I have time to think that one over for a while. I'm set on the snowflake, but I need to think of what surrounds it... or maybe I won't get anyting else. What am I talking about!?! I haven't even gotten the first one yet. I'm wearing myself out over something that hasn't happened yet!

I'm a little worn out, physically too. Not like, sleepy- I got plenty of sleep yesterday. I'm beat from all the walking we did today. We walked from down here in south philly up to south street. That's not really all that far, but it felt like it to me. I haven't walked much of anywhere lately. I felt somewhat out of shape. Good exersise, they say... Man, Exersise sucks, sometimes. I'm not doing so well, man.

Frank is doing well. He's doing well, even if he disagrees with me about that one. It amazes me sometimes that he actually likes me, because I can be quite an asshole. Then, whenever I think about that, I remember that he's an asshole too. Seriously though, it bewilders me whenever someone likes me like that, or at the least tolerates me. I don't talk about that much-- my 'being liked' insecurities-- because I don't like admitting to the fact that I have insceurities. I can be such a boy! Anyway, Frank rocks. He's a nice guy in there, honest.

Honestly I really haven't been doing much since I've gotten home, except download 80's tv theme songs. Hey, man, you know you sang along to that shit. This download spree was inspired by hearing the ducktales song in frank's car yesterday. Crazian John had burnt a cd with a bunch of different stuff on it, but the one song that stuck in my mind was Ducktales. It stuck like Krazy Glue, because I woke up singing the damn song. "Duck Tales! Ah-wooo hoo!" Yeah, I'm sad-- but the boyfriend and the crazian were singing right along with me in the car. Ah, my friends.

I didn't think I would be able to think of so many tv shows that I really loved, and enjoy hearing the themes of. Shows like, Out of this World, Small Wonder, Rainbow Brite, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are now in my collection. Oh god, I'm 22 years old. This is kind of pathetic. It's funny-- as a child, I thought I'd be all grown up by now. Recently, I realized that I'm never really going to grow up. I love being a kid, and although I'm slowly becoming more responsible, and mature, I don't want to lose my childish nature. It's what keeps me... well, me.

Well, speaking of me, I've finished downloading the last couple of songs, so I'm gonna burn a cd of nothing but tv songs and remixes. It will be very exciting. Ooooh!

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Tuesday, Apr. 15, 2003 at around: 4:21 PM

Old people and stuff

Hello there,

It's tuesday, so that means a new weblog page. How exciting! Please, try to hold back with all of the shouting, and applause.

It's seriously hot outside today. The scary thing is that last week it snowed. Maybe that's because today is tax day. Everyone in philadelphia who files late gets a nice pleasant day out in exchange for their procrastination.

If only all procrastination was rewarded in such a way, my life would kick major ass.

Yet again, I find myself quite tired at 4 something in the afternoon. Today started around 7am, and yesterday ended around 1am. That's never really a good combination. I drove my grandparents around in their old-folks-mobile. Today it dawned on me why I don't go to visit them. It isn't so much that I don't like them. My grandfather is a really fun guy, and even my bitchy grandma is okay. I don't like visiting them because they're old.

That must sound really horrible, but it's true. Today's ephiany was that I'm not afraid of death- I'm afriad of being old. Watching people get old is really kind of painful. Seeing people who once held jobs, and did normal stuff easily struggle to get out of a chair, hurts me to my heart. My grandfather is a strong minded guy, but he's getting really old, and is hittin' up the years mentally and physically.

I felt really bad when I had to ask him for the keys to his old-folks-mobile. His vision is not what it once was, and like most old people, he doesn't drive so well anymore.

It frightens me that this will happen to me one day. I don't want to be old, and I don't want other people to have to take care of me. I'm not afraid to die, because it happens to everyone eventually. Good people die every day, trust me, I knew a few.

The thing is, that I'd rather die at 60 than have to go through what my poor grandparents go through. The doctors at the hospitals really want to use every bit of technology availbie to keep people alive, but sometimes I wonder if it's better for elderly people to live or die. Who knows what would make them happy, I mean, I'm not old. My grandfather is in his mid 90's somewhere, and my grandma is almost 80, they have to have a completly different mentailty.

Anyway, on to less depressing topics... I didn't go to see Cristina today, because I was way too tired, and I was sure that she'd want me to stay at the school for a long time while she taught her students. Noooo thank you. So I called her and said that I'll come up later in the week. Plus, I haven't really gotten to discuss the matter with my board members yet.

*laughs* I really am retarded sometimes.

Anyway, I really am tired, so I'm going to go take a nap.

Love and adoration,

Pam