I oughtta be sleepin'... I ought to do a lot of things....

...Like shut up.

I am totally in love with norah jones. She is the mellow-poetry-insparation-we've-all-been-there goddess.

So mellow, so soft. I'm going to buy her album. I have to atone for buying the Beyonce cd. I should download some Fiona Apple too. God, I love these songs, man.

I'm tired but I don't feel much like sleeping. I'm staying up because I want to listen to these songs over and over. This music is so beautiful, I just want to crawl up inside of it, and lay there in it's velvet touch. It makes me feel all the good feelings that I have inside me right now right on the top of my skin.

That kinda shit makes me want to call frank up on the phone and gush to him about how much I love him and all that kinda stuff.

I'm seriously giving up on this subtle stuff. I don't do subtle too well in regards to my actual passions and feelings. That's why I walk around with my foot in my mouth all the goddamn time. Meh. To horribly paraprhase Monica, if you had a Frank to talk to late at night, then you'd be in love too.

It's 12:34. That's the coolest time of day on a digital clock... at least it is to me. Oh, come on friday, I need some money. I've been eating cheese sandwiches for dinner for 3 days, and I'm already out of bread. It's gonna be ramen for dinner tomorrow. :-P I have a dollar to spend for lunch tomorrow afternoon.

I have a feeling that the week right before next paycheck is going to be terribly similar to this one, which I'm not looking forward to. I'm sick of strugging finacnailly. I'm a professional woman with a decent amonut of education, this is unreasonable. It's all mostly because of my inablity to stick to the excelent budgets I write, but well... okay, there's no room for me to complain.

I'm still in way too much debt, so there's something quality to complain about for the time being.

Ugh... I hate stupid women who start stupid arguments. Sorry, I saw some bitch on tv start an argument over nothing. That made me upset.

Okay, I'm getting in bed now. I'm going to go to work early again today. I'm getting in the habit of that, so if I wanna I can take an hour lunch *wink* and not get in trouble. If I'm consistantly 15 minutes early (I was 20 minutes early today, and stayed 15 minutes late... I hadn't planned on the 15 minutes late, though) then I'm taking a fucking hour lunch, and I dare someone to argue with me about it.

Aren't I argumentitive? Okay, bedtime.

Love and adoration,

Pam :-D

Written, Wednesday, Sept. 03, 2003 at around: 4:36 PM

I really want to go the fuck HOME.

Hey-- lemme ask you a question.

This was posed to me earlier in the day by a newly employed boyfriend of mine: Why do we have to use money as a society? Shouldn�t everything just be free? I mean, really. How nice would it be to get a cheeseburger just for the askin�? I�d seriously apreciate that.

Then again, if there was no money, then nobody�d work, and nothing�d get done, and there�d be fights all the time. No doctors, no police, no shumck to deliver my pizza at 1am. Damn. That would potentially suck monkey balls.

I guess we do need money after all.

Oh hey... big ups for me, guys! I got a review from fuckin� ugly (they�re linked in the reviews dropdown) and got 90 outta a hundred. That�s an A! I�ve never had a good layout before, I�m so proud of myself. *beams* Yay me!

So yeah, this afernoon I left work for lunch. Fuck yeah, that�s exciting. *Sorry been reading Ail�s journal a lot lately* I walked down to Frank�s job this afternoon, which didn�t take me nearly as long as I thought it would. He was kind of bummed, but we took a quick walk around where he works and he felt a little less shitty. I felt so bad, dude. He was way bummed, but that comes with being bored all day. He�s an awesome guy, and I don�t think he was really seeing past his own shitty-feeling-ness to realize that there�s mega cool stuff to do, and places to eat near where he works now. Tons of stuff around his job. Around my job? Highlight this space: ---> Nothing... *tumbleweed* <--- That�s what�s around my job. The fucking inquirer building and ... the state building... and lunch trucks... and parking lots. Nothing fun. Nowhere cool to eat. I�m way jealous.

When I got close to his job I was kind of dispaointed with myself, because I didn�t wear something cute to work today. I rarely go outta my way to look frumpy around frank. Yeah, I said it and I meant it... for the most part. Well, I don�t always do something special to my hair (you wouldn�t either if you had doll-baby hair), but I like to dress nicely (read: No baggy clothes) when around him. I had on an all white, all bagy, all uber-casual outfit on today. I had no intentions of seeing him until at least after 5 but oh well. Obviously I didn�t give enough of a shit about how I looked to be like, �Naw sweetie, can�t go visit you while you�re all bummed out.� Aw hell, the outfit is comfortable, and I match.... for the most part.

It was very awesome to see him at lunch. Definatly nice, but weird to see frank in center city... at lunchtime... on a weekday. Weird.

My job isn�t so bad. I�m reminded of that when I talk to my boss, who certianlly rocks the big one. Bill is a funny man. He�s like a growed up cross between Frank and Jason, only with less swearing. He makes me feel good about what I do all day. I know it�s mindless bullshit work, he knows it�s mindless bullshit work. But he gives me a reason to take pride in it. Yay.

Enough talk about work.

I wanna go on a trip, but I�m not going to have enough spendable money to facilitate a trip to anywhere that isn�t in the immediate area until well... the end of the month, or perhaps October. Bah! I hate bills. I really wanna take a weekend trip to NYC with Frank. That�d be so fun. Everything in the city is so damn expensive-- well in manhattan anyway. Mmmm, that clam chowder we had in queens was soooo good. I want to go back just to have another bowl of the stuff.

Oh fucking christ, it�s 4:30. Come on 5:00.

I want to go home and drink vanilla pepsi and eat cheese sandwiches. Mmm. Hell, I just want to go the fuck home. Sarah and Kirsten wanna go the fuck home too.

HOMEEEEEEEEEE~~~!!!!!Basddfjkdsjkldjklkdkljdkljdfjkldfsdnnowwww!! YHOME HOME OHME ME HOME HOMEEE!!!

love and adoration,
pam

Ps, did I mention I wanna go home???