I am Pam's tale of FFF

The music of a hero began to play, and the crowd jumped up to a loud cheer. A poor downtrodden girl was laying in the middle of the ring, her wounds still fresh from what seemed like an eternity of beatings. Just as she had begun to imagine that all hope for her survival was lost, just as she had just about given up on even exiting the ring, she looked up. "Oh, thank the gods," she said, "It's Triple F!!" As she smiled, and rose to her feet, the crowd began to chant the name of her victor:

"Finally Fucking Friday!"

Heh.

Wow, what a couple of days it's been, man. If you think that sitting around on-ass is what occurs throughout the days when I'm not updating, you're sorely mistaken. Amusingly, the days when I have the time to update are the ones that are fairly boring. I guess that's why certain review sites-- I won't name names,-- think my

life is pretty hum-drum. Isn't the basis of having a diary all about keeping your thoughts about day to day life in a hard copy? Ah well, perhaps I'm just stupid.

Yesterday was strange, in that uh, strange sort of way. I went to work, and I was late. No big deal, really. My bosses aren't so much concerned with me being on time, as they are with me actually doing my job whenever the hell I get here. Go figure. So, work was fairly uneventful yesterday, I didn't fuck with the minds of any of my co-workers, nor did anyone quit, get fired, or otherwise make a big scene. No one even made a remark about me wearing the same pair of pants 3 times in one week.... Damn, I need to do some laundry.

After work, I went to my singing lesson. Now, that's not usually noteworthy, nor is it ever really worth an entire paragraph. The same thing usually happens at a Cristina Guzman singing lesson: She's running late, and apologizes profusely, she tells me about her day, I giggle a lot, then the actual lesson begins. None of that really happened today. Cristina came back into the room as I was warming up, and she started talking.

So I mentioned to her that I had done some work on her homepage. This was said in the hopes that she'd start giving' up some free lessons in exchange for web design. If you like, go take a look at the sample page I made for her -none of the links really work, as Cristina still hasn't sent me any images (all the images are ones I made): CEG) then she goes, "OhmigodIgottatellyouthis!" and she began telling me about this master plan that she had. I'll be a good girl, and not really go into what her master plan is, but it ended up with me not getting a lesson. That's actually really good, because I don't have any money. Well, not "any" but there's a big empty spot in my pockets.

Anyway, once I wiped the sweat off of my brow for not having to pay for class, I settled into what she was saying. She was basically saying that she needed help in writing a presentation/proposal. Phew, I must have left a hell of an impression on her, because this is some serious stuff. I guess those days of tutoring people at CCP is going to be a huge ass help. Sometimes there are investments in life, such as this one, that will assist me later in life. I could end up being a teacher, or a school executive. That'd kick ass.

Well, anyhow, I need to start working on this project, as well as prepare for tomorrow. Tomorrow is Darell's birthday party is tomorrow. It's the first birthday party that I've been invited to in quite a while. I mean, nobody I know gets their party on, really. I'm friends with a bunch of geeks, poor folks, and them kinda folks. It's rather depressing. Well, I will write about that in the morning. Talk to ya soon.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Wednesday, Oct. 09, 2002 at around: 3:12 PM

I am pam's funny morning

Wow, things sure have changed around these here parts.

I'm actually doing my job. Well, that's mostly because they forced me into it. That motivation that I've been looking for has come along and swiftly kicked me directly in the ass. That's cool, though, because I've been in need.

There was, again, talk of me moving up, and receiving training. Even getting an assistant. We'll see how this goes. Perhaps I'll stay here, and tough it out-- and see what happens in a year. Supposedly, according to mark Landon, who never really lies to me (but does have a tendency to sugar coat things, which I'm very fond of) we are a growing business.

I don't know how true that really is, but coming out of Mark's mouth, it has to be true. So, I'm putting a little more faith into EDU for the time being, and I'll stop actively seeking other employment ('cept of course, acting, singing, and modeling.)

Heh, today, I made a wonderful thing happen. I made Mike D look like a complete ass. See, I had to move my desk, because of that whole lack of motivation deal. So, after Mike D left, I was busy packing up all of my stuff. I told Drew, Mike K, and some other passers- by that I was moving to the other side of our office. Cool. Later on in the day I was talking to Mike K, and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if I sent mike d an email saying that I had been fired?" Mike loved the idea and egged me on. So the next thing I know, I'm planning a horrible prank.

So, last night, around 10 or so, I sent this email to Mike D saying something along the lines of: "Hey mike, I'm outta here. Management decided that it'd be a good idea, and I'm on my way out. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'll see you tomorrow. My desk is already packed up, so I'm ready to go."

I did not lie.

Soooo, this morning I came into work, spoke to Mike D briefly, and he seemed all sad, and slightly pissed off that I was leaving. It was funny as hell! He moped around all day, and even called my cell phone, which I luckily had left home by accident. By about noon, I had half the office in on it, including his manager. It turned out that I had to tell him the truth, because he answers the phones, and I might miss some important calls. He was Sooooo mad when he found out. He couldn�t stop calling me an asshole for about five minutes. I just recently stopped laughing. Now all of those people that I let in on the joke are making fun of him. It's great.

HA HA HA.

So I don't know where I stand on this whole relationship front. Well, obviously I am not single, as the title of this entry is not, "I am Pam's it's about fucking time!" Well, I'm sure it'd be a cooler title than that, but it's the best I got. I spoke to frank last night, and he's his same old self. This is a good thing. At the same time, who know what that means. Damn water signs and their difficult to understand selves. Well, it's more like I'm the difficult to understand sign. Air being all flippant and whatnot.

Who knows? I sure don't. I guess I'll go to game stop today, and see what the hell is up with him. We both desperately need to get some laundry done, so that will prove to be high quality time to mention some seriousness. I bet he'll be all pissed, but then again, when isn't he? Maybe I need to count my damn options.

Well, I'm going back to work.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 at around: 3:28 PM

I am Pam's How Well Do You Know Me test

This layout isn't quite as functional as I had orignally imagined. I need to change the size of the giant Momo. She seeps into the text, and that makes for difficult reading. Hey, if you have any suggestions for my layout, let me know, because I aim to please you guys. Oh yeah, and me too.

Well, anyhow, What is up folks? Have you taken my friend test yet? Oh ho ho, but you should! Even if you only know me from my journal, I think It'd kick ass if you were to take my test. If you look at the high scores, you'll see names of people who I've made famous through this site. *insert my snickering* Frank, Mike K, Mike D, Drew, Shereen, Amanda, and Weeno have taken my test. Not to mention daath, monica, and Eric.

People are doing a lot better on this quiz then I thought they'd do. Some questions are getting almost everyone, because certain questions have been geared toward specific audiences. Ironically, people who don't know me very well in real life are doing better than people I see every day. Hell, I've never met Cartman (yes, Eric), but he outscored both Michael K and Frank. Oddly, outscoring people doesn't matter to me as much as which questions you're getting right, and what you thought the wrong answers were/were not. Frank only scored a 60, however his wrong answers were more pleasing to me than the wrong answers of Weeno, who scored an 80.

I'm getting way too much pleasure out of this test. Then again, don't we all desire to hear more about ourselves? Well, most of America is fairly selfish. That's why we're doing as well as we are.

Yo, so I was checking the comments of the people who say I'm one of their favorites right? (that reminds me that I seriously need to spend some time updating my favorites, because there's a lot more diaryland journals that I read that aren't on my list.) This one person listed me as her favorite Diarylander ever. WOW. That's such an honor. She's going on my favorites now even if she just writes dribble every day. I feel all special and stuff.

So now, I'd like to sit here now and make some sort of intelligent argument regarding the state of world affairs, but frankly, this brain has just farted all over the keyboard. This leaves me in a state of typing shit. Literal shit. No, not literal- literary shit. Ha ha ha.

Okay, I'm going to end this entry before I am shot for being a COMPLETE ass.

Love and Adoration,

Pam

Written, Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 at around: 12:18 AM

Pam's fucked up brain

I love this layout.

Momo looks almost like me. Well, you know, I'd look more like her if I wasn't actually black, but if I were just pale with a bronze tan. Okay, I look nothing like her, but I'm just happy I could photoshop her into a darker color.

Hey, my friend test is up, and I encourage all humans to take the test. I'm really enjoing having this test, and I'll be keeping it for a while. The plan, as it stands, will be for me to change the questions every month.

Okay, on to more depressing topics, I am so fucking lonely. This is just stupid. Surrounded by people who are just dying to love me, and I push each of them away. Even the dude who I've been looking forward to turning from friend to boyfriend has been pushed away from my icy nature.

I come home every evening to my cat, my playstation 2, my gamecube and my computer. Between these things and my vibrator, that's pretty much my life. My relationships are with my technology, and I can't excape the fact that I am not receptive to affection. I come home to my cat and my techology, and my face faults, because I know that at no point will I get a hug, a kiss, or any sort of physical attention. I don't think people realize that I need that stuff like every other human on earth.

Am I a fucking robot or something? It's funny, because a lot of people are under the impression that Pam is this person who can handle anything, and I'm so far from that. My feelings get hurt, but these days I don't really say anything. It's not that important. Other people are more important.

Being anymore selfish would probabally make me this terrible person anyway. I give up. I give up. I fucking give up, man. Sorry that this entry is all depressing, but it's how I feel, so ya kinda got to deal with it.

IN the words of Portishead, "Nobody loves me." Unfortounatly there's no one to say the second line about, so I'm all sorts of pathetic. It's funny, because these are the same complaints that I'm terribly tired of hearing from my friends. Ah, the unwise one always gives the advice, but never takes it. Oh, I take it. Oh hell yeah I do.

Well, anyhow, I'm going to do my best to try and finally cry tonight. LOL, listen to me, I do sound like a goddamn robot. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow, when I ought to be happier, because I get fucking p-a-i-d.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 at around: 12:14 AM

I am pam's monday morning

Good afternoon, humans

(I meant to post this earlier)

It's Monday. Uh... Yea? I think I'm going to change up my layout a bit. It's very functional, but not very colorful. The Oreo Barbie is kinda funny, however, something more colorful would be nice. I think a nice picture of Momo from Peach Girl would be great.

Peach Girl is this really cool manga that (like most anime, manga, etc) is about these kids in high school. Mainly, though, the story focuses on Momo Adaichi, this girl who is on the swim team, is pretty self-assured (sometimes), has a friend who is completely nuts, and is in love with this guy that she has a problem expressing her feelings to. It's like a story about me almost.

She's really gullible, and she keeps talking to this girl, Sae, who's a complete bitch, and is out to ruin her life. I had some friends like that, who I just couldn't ditch. She's in love with this guy, who she's been digging since middle school, and is trying to build up the nerve to tell him. Hmm, that sounds similar to something I've read recently on miabogard.diaryland.com! Wow.

Well anyway, the artwork is really pretty, and I'd like to create a new layout for it.

Anyway-- I'm hungry. I have no money. I know there's no food waiting for me at home. I'm a little bummed out about that. Oh... Man, Darrell's birthday party is this Saturday. I think I'm going to get him a gift certificate to tower records or something. I really don't know what to get him at all. He's one of those guys who are difficult to shop for. I actually considered buying him a gift card to game stop. That would have been really funny. (Uh, Darrell works at game stop) So I need to get on the ball, starting tomorrow, and find him a present. And a card... I haven't even gotten a card yet.

I just got off of the phone with the EB dude. He said that he didn't have any information as of yet, so I guess I'm still in the running. Oh, please wish me luck, because I really would like to get this job.

Okay, I'm done.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Monday, Oct. 07, 2002 at around: 1:13 AM

I am Pam's Brain Fart

Ugh, it's late.

I am so tired. I did a bunch of nothing today. I feel very good about this.

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing an entry right now. There's nothing cool coming to mind, and I'm not all goofy-emotional at the moment. This is pretty much the product of a brain fart.

I talked to crazian john today. He and non-boyfriend Frank both had inventory at their stores today. Man, remind my ass to never work in retail. These poor dudes, man. They were both pretty stressed. Frank moreso than John, because this was a re-inventory for him, which I think is pretty stupid on his company's side of things, but you know... coporate people are idiots in general.

This is why I need a corporate job. I'm a huge idiot. That, and I enjoy making an ass of myself, so I'm pretty sure I'd love the job.

Well, I have to go to sleep if I want to be at all refreshed for work in the morning. Fuck, man I don't wanna go to work. Well, blatherin' blatherskite.

Love and ador-more-ation

Pam

Written, Saturday, Oct. 05, 2002 at around: 1:48 AM

I am Pam's fun evening

Kick Ass!!

I just spent an evening with Erin, Tulia, Monica and her man, Aaron. Sorry, he don't got no link. Tonight was quite the interesting evening. It started off, as usual, with me shlepping around online. I chatted with Frank *dreamy girly sigh* and Auriel while I looked through my new Peach Girl manga. Yes, I do still like anime. So, anyway, I get this phone call, and it's a girl. Girls don't call me... I have like 5 female friends. It was Monica inviting me out. Word!

So I didn't really shower or anything. There was no application of even the slightest hint of lipstick. I just threw on some fun clohes and hopped on the bus. When we first met up the group consisted of 3 girls and I think 4 guys. The only consideribly cute guy was Aaron, and before she even introduced him, I could tell that he was monica's abuse toy-- I mean boyfriend. :-D

So, we went to this overpriced coffee spot and Aarron's friends talked about Lots of shit. One dude said he was getting head once and this girl puked on his shit. Dude, that's just fucked. He said that he was understanding though, because he was coming as she was hurling. *laugh* Sick.

The other two chicks, Erin and Tulia, were perhaps the only two sane people there. They were both a lot of fun. It took some doing to get them into the conversation. They seemed a little uncomfortable. It can be weird sometimes in a group of new people, but sometimes it be's like that. So I was my usual loud self, and tried to get everyone talking. This got Monica thinking. See, there were these paddle shaped cooking thingies that Tulia's dinner was served on. Monica goes, "Will you steal that for me?"

Okay, I think you can figure out what happened. And to answer your question, yes I helped Monica steal a paddle. I won't go into detail, as to protect our identity or something. Yeah, that sounds good.

Then we left that place, Paddle in hand, and the guy friends left. They were gonna go play cards somewhere or something. So, then we walked the two sane girls to their car, and we giggled about the paddle on the way. So, after saying goodbye to them, We ditched the paddle in the bushes. That was funny.

So, we're walking to this club that girls in scantily clad outfits were giving out flyers for. Word. Then, as we were walking toward market street, I saw Michael Bailey. (Mike B=Pam Ex Boyfriend) He has his own buisness, employees and all. I was very impressed. I wonder if mike is single... Anyway, he knows all of these club owners and stuff, and he might have me do web design for him. I'm down with that, especially considering that I might not be employed soon. Well, more like I might quit soon.

So Mike walked with us, and he got us into the club we wanted to go to for free. Yay! Then when I got into the club, I saw Stacy, the graphic design girl from work! Wow! Two in one day.

Everyone was really nice, and I danced a lot. Which means I'm all sweaty and stinky now. I like monica, she's a crazy ball of energy who makes me look like a sloth in hyper-chick-comparison language.

Well, I'm going to go, because I stink, and I want to go to bed. I have some game stopping to do tomorrow, and I want to be good and refreshed. Plus there's this kick-ass breeze coming through my window, and that's making me sleepy. Good night, and thanks for reading!

Love and adoration
(A much less depressed)

Pam

Written, Friday, Oct. 04, 2002 at around: 1:21 PM

I am pam's job interview, part 2

Yo, Humans,

So I went to that Job interview at Electronics Boutique yesterday. Woo hoo! The guy at EB, Winston actually looked like a younger version of my current boss, Mark. Everyone seemed really cool, and I hope they call me back.

It didn't dawn on me how far away West Chester is from my house. If I had known where I was going when I first I probably would have gotten there on time, but I got HELLA lost. See, I was supposed to take this road and turn left, but I didn't see a way to go left, so I went right. Yes, Mapquest fucks me anally again. I was over an hour late, but I said I got stuck in traffic. That was true, because once I asked for directions and turned around, I was stuck in traffic for about 15 minutes.

The actual offices were really cool. Even the damn lobby of EB was cool. It was really clean, and it smelled like an office. Where I work now it usually smells like the feet of the people who work with no shoes on... Oh wait, that's me. Anyway, they had these awards from Nintendo inside of this glass shelf thing. The awards were called the "Mario Awards" I have no idea what they were for, but they looked cool.

Inside of the offices, there was a cafeteria with really low prices, and games for employees to play. They had a few arcade style games, like hooked up inside of the arcade console, but they actually had a game cube and a PS2 sitting in one of the Kiosks that they have in the stores, with some games inside. It'd be cool if they let people take the CD's out and play games from home or something. Inter departmental battles!

The people who worked there were to be expected, a couple of guys who were really nice, but came off as nerds. One nice, quiet girl, and another lady who, although she was really nice, gives off the "I'm second in command," vibe. I liked all of them.

So, hopefully the open position will become mine, and I'll be freed from the chains of EDU Directories.

Otherwise, my personal life stinks. I'm still single. I still haven't gotten laid, and I'm really bummed out. The fact that it's really rainy outside, and I slept a little bit too late this morning are not helping said bummed out feeling. It would be really great if something happened or I started talking to someone and tears just started coming out of me. The more that I think about it, the more that crying until my eyes hurt sounds like a kick ass idea.

I'm not really depressed, frustrated is a much better word. But I suppose I should be getting some work done, as that's why we come here every day. Well, most of the other people probably only come here just to get their paycheck in another two weeks, but we'll see.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Friday, Oct. 04, 2002 at around: 10:12 AM

I am the beginning of a long day

Hey there folkses,

I'm actually kind of bummed out at the moment. I have been all morning. It has to be a combination of the weather, the fact that I didn't go to work yesterday, and the fact that I'm still all alone.

No, I didn't bring it up yesterday. I'm starting to think that I'll never bring it up. You people know what I'm talking about. Go read my last weblog page, you'll know what's up. There is officially no hope left for relationships here. I might as well give up. Frank is comfy in that little friends spot and there's not much I can do about that. John still wants me, but I don't want him, and I'm sure that sucks for him as much as this situation sucks for me.

Everyone thinks that because attractive, outgoing chicks are like that most of the time, that it should be easy for them to get boyfriends. Ha. In your dreams. I've been single for quite a while now. For a little while I thought I had gotten used to it, but it's so sad not to have anyone to hug. I need passion in my life, but the facts lie, that who the hell would really want to date me anyway? I mean, I make for okay company, and am fairly easy on the eyes, but I really suck, in general.

I'm very messy, cocky, lazy, loud and even rude. Nobody wants all that in a girlfriend. I am going to be single for a while. Or until a boy I actually want to date asks me out, which seems like it's never going to happen. Every guy who I don't want to date wants to date me, but it never seems to work the other way around. I have these friends, but they need to stay friends. I don't want to just settle on someone. It'd really be great for someone else to really make me feel special without smothering

That, and this job that I have sucks so much ass, that it really is a shit job. Working here reminds me that I really need money, because if I didn't I'd gladly quit. Frank and I bonded over the I hate my jobness last night.

It seems like the relationship that never was has already been broken up. Oh, and as for why I didn't bring up the relationship conversation again, it felt a little akward last night. It was almost like there was no conversation last night. I'm an "I" Letter personality (I'm not making this up.) and I'm only as good as my last few conversations, so since that last conversation sucked, I'm in an emotional low.

Ah, hell, this is too depressing for me to type right now. I'll give you a better update on my life later on this afternoon. It'll be much more interesting, and perhaps more entertaining.

Love and adoration,

Pam