Speaking through silence (I think my period is going to start in a couple of days)

This layout blows.

The black background makes me sick.

You know what... I've been called a lot of names in my life... mostly because of things I've said, or the way I look... (Nerd, bitch, nigger, backstaber, cold, heartless, cunt, tomboy, geek, weird) but I've never been called a slut.

I like that.

I would be offended if someone took me as a slut. All the above things, while compeltly unacceptable apply to who I am on some level. Well, I don't believe I'm what I define a Nigger as... I'm a black person, and that's that. Niggers come in every color. I've met a few white niggers in my day.

Anyway, except for nigger (and the way I define it) I'm a bit of everything that's been listed.

I'm not, however, a slut.

I'm super-far from it. Yay me!

I have no idea why I'm writing about this. I just wanted to write a second entry.

I want some nachos and some ice cream, and some jalepeno poppers, and sex.

Not nessicairly in that order.

I want my cat back. I want to move to new jersey on a block with no bar! I want to be a little more content. I want my mom to not be so crazy and be happier. I want my cat to come home.

I'm really sad about Koi. I miss her so much, and although I was under the impression that the longer she was gone, the more I'd forget she was gone.... I was really wrong.

I'm totally bummed out about this.

Leighann asked me if I cried about my cat. I told her I did. She's a psychology student, so I don't know what she was getting at with that, but I'm sure she was putting together some sort of puzzle.

Speaking of Leighann, there's a real reason why she's my best friend, and proabally always will be. We share this weird bond of understanding. I have no idea where this came from, or what it means, but I get a vibe of true friendship from her that I've never gotten from any other human being.

To be honest, I've never wanted to have sex with leighann, nor do I find her attractive, but she's such a wonderful person. I have a friend - love for her that is just so beautiful.

I'm sickining.

She and i had a long conversation about our current relationships. It's weird, because this is the first time in the history of our friendships that we've both been in happy relationships at the same time. I think that means something, and so does she. It's kind of weird, and I have a feeling about why Chaka and Frank are in our lives right now. I've gotta chew on that though, because that's pretty heavy stuff, and I'm a fairly light girl, and I'm not savvy to such things.

The fact that I'm getting good feelings speaks fathoms, though. So right on.

I want a cup of starbucks hot chocolate. Mmm.

I have to go to an ATM soon. I'm out of cash money.

I get paid soon. Thank god. I'm getting broke.

love and adoration,

pam