A very random entry

Shit, yo.

I don't know why I felt the need to write that, but it sounded cool in my head.

This entry is probabally going to be extremely disjointed and not flow like these usually do. I have a lot on my mind, but I'm not upset about much. Expect weirdness, okay?

Right now, at this very moment, I feel more me than I have in weeks. I think it's because I'm not in the process of planning... everything is pretty much already planned, and shit is done. I'm all impatient though, because I'm at the part of every one of my stupid little plans where I have to wait.

Gotta wait for the money, gotta wait for vegas, gotta wait for my boyfriend. He doesn't know it, but I've always got a plan for him, and I have an excelent turnover rate. He's so special to me. :-D

Yes, I really do plan -everything, and it's a little sick.

Control freak.

Yeah.

So My cat ran away. I'm so upset about that. Like, really upset. I had a dream about kittens (I think my cat is going to come home pregnant, and I'll have to raise kitties and shit) and woke up really upset, at like 2:30am. I almost called frank in a panic. Speaking to him calms me down and helps me put things into a realistic view... like I know that I'm upset over some dumb shit, but he'll say, "That's some dumb shit, Pam," and I'll be like, "You're right," and calm the fuck down. Calling him would have helped me go back to sleep, and calm down quciker, but I realized that it was 2:30, and it would be mean to wake him up because I had a dream about kittens.

Kittens.

I'd be silently upset if I got a call at 2:30 from someone upset about kittens.

He did text message me at like 3am the other day, though. He was having some sort of bizzare-virus-caused problem with one of the computers in his house. It was a text message, and I could have just replied, but the fact that it was the middle of the night made me say, well I'm just gonna call you.

So there!

I seriously have a smart people fettish or something like that, because hearing frank talk about logical things actually kind of turns me on. I'm strange.

But Frank, he's my knight in shining armor... or at least my hero in kachis and button down shirts. Alli says that, she's like "Chilvarly isn't dead!" Frank is perhaps one of the only truly nice guys I've ever met. A lot of guys who don't get chicks claim to be nice guys, and give real nice guys like frank a bad rap. Most dudes who call themselves "nice guys" really aren't. My frank is a nice guy, though ladies.

He's such a sweetheart! Case in point: He looked for Koi yesterday while I was in bed being all upset and frowny. How can you not love a man who walks around your neighborhood looking for you cat in the cold? I gave him a big hug.

Plus it warms my heart that he's a guy who loves animals. Yay! Animals rule! Well, cats do anyway.

Yeah, I'm all goofy like I usually am. I've been very brooding, serious, and methodical lately, and that's very unlike me. However it's nessicary. I have to get into a pattern, and not spend so much damn money on bulllshit.

Starbucks products, however, do not count as bullshit. (I spend over 60 dollars a month in starbucks shit, can you believe that?)

Leighann called me last night. Yay! I'm going to hang out with her on wednesday, which'll be nice.

OH!

Dooki asked if I'm still cool with Myheadspace. Yup. In fact she called me a couple of days ago. I forget if I wrote about it or not. Anyway, I plan on going to new york with her, and also I'm going to get her to come down to Philly and hang out (although I don't think she knows that yet, but she will the next time i talk to her).

I might be participating in the 48 hour film project this weekend. I'm not sure yet. I sent my resume and some pictures to a couple of people, so perhaps they'll be all like, "Yeah, lets use her." That'd be rad.

Oh, and I have to start taking acting classes (god more fucking planning). Wickline casting and the Triangle Theater have some excelent classes, but they're both like 300 dollars a session. I can not afford that.

It's not like I don't have the extra money, but I'm saving for Vegas, my tattoo, and my eventual move out of philly and my new(ish) car.

I can't afford to buy fucking shoes!

Dude. I need new shoes. I haven't bought new shoes since 2002. That isn't a lie. I bought sneakers in 2003, but the shoes I have on now, I think I bought in 2002. I need new shoes, and new spring clothes, and new jeans. I've needed new jeans since last summer. I just hate paying 30 bucks for jeans, and 40 dollars for shoes.

I'm more comfortable spending 20 bucks on a dvd than I am spending 20 bucks on a shirt. I'll pay 7 bucks for a shirt, 10 dollars for shoes, and 50 dollars on a video game. The boyness isn't gone, but you know what? I'm at a point in my life where I think my femininity and my tomboyisness are equally distributed.

I'm never gonna be a chick who wears skirts just 'cause, but I'm not like "Skirts are for pussies," or anything anymore. I wear makeup because I like to (I liked to wear makeup before, I was just often told it looked horrible on me, which wasn't true, and was said in a mean variety of jest which I took seriously... but that's just a whole other story.)

I do like buying new clothes though. I just don't like spending a lot of money. I like buying new bras and panties the best. Shoes can kiss my ass though. I think I'm okay the height I am. I don't want to be taller or shorter... and I don't want to put on a pair of shoes and be 6'1"!! Fuck the shoemaking industry. Can I get a pair of casual sandals that doesn't add 4 inches to my height? I bitched about in my livejournal already.

I'm hungry, and all I have to eat is ramen. I don't want to eat ramen. I would like to have a honey-ham sandwich from starbucks or perhaps some clam chowder and cornbread from fresh fields. Mmm. I want a 2% Vanilla Latte and an oatmeal cookie.

I want to go get something to eat.

Love and adoration,

Pam

Written, Friday, Mar. 12, 2004 at around: 1:37 PM

Somewhere there's a picture of you geting sober-er

Hung out with Alli last night.

Fun was had!

I'm not in a particularly articulate mood today. Mostly my thoughts have stayed in my head.

I'd like to get all chatty and long-entryish with this, but I'm really not in the mood to put words to it. It isn't even like last night sucked, or I'm too busy (totally not the case), I just don't feel like it.

I don't feel like talking to strangers today. Like, I don't want to answer the phone. I've been relativly quiet... I mean, considering.

Mostly, I would disrcibe my overall mood today as being very silly, and intensly energenic. I want to goof off and laugh and have a good time. This being serious shit isn't my bag, man. Well at least it isn't right now.

I'm just not serious, lol.

Later!

Pam