Confilct makes the world go round?

Is it just me or does everything always seem to decide to take a shit at the same time?

I mean, things for me at work are quite craptacularly busy, and I'm starting to stress over this shit (but it's pretty much my fault... I'll complain anyway, though) and I've been feeling a general bout of friction from everyone I know.

What the fuck?

Well, I suppose it's that time of year. Every once and a while everyone gets all moody, because their shit is hitting the fan, and I'm everyone's goddamn ear, so I get to listen. I don't mind being everyone's ear, but it'd be really nice if I wasn't stressing out simotaneously along with the rest of these motherfuckers.

Everyone's wigging out, and expects me to listen to their crap. I wish everybody'd just calm the fuck down. Like I said, I like being the support system for people, especially if I like them back. Hell if I like you back, you're my support system too.

Wait a second... there aren't too many people that I consistantally like back. Sorry Frank, lol. You get to hear my crap, lol. :-D

As for the rest of the people who are willing to be my friends, I feel kind of bad for them, since I've been a disgustingly selfish friend for the past few months. Since my birthday it's been an all-Pam all-the-time kinda ride, and sadly I've had to be a real bitch to a few people, and you know what? It felt good. Especially after last year being such an emotional rollercoaster for me, it was good to give my shit back to the community that'd been shitting on me for far too long.

Sorry if you got shit on too harshly, but if I shit on you, I probabally still think you deserved it.

Wow, why am I such a bitch lately? I don't know, I don't want to analize it. I just kind of want to go with the flow. I'm so accustomed to being quiet while other people dish out the dirt at me, and being the rock of icy cold heartedness, but it's about time for me to start dishing back for a while, and giving as little a fuck about other peoples emotions as most other people have for mine. Fuck it.

I'm sure in a month or so, I'll feel bad, but I'm going to ride this uber-bitch thing out for a while, because it feels good not to care too much. Especially since I've really gotten my feelings hurt a lot in the past two weeks. Sorry. No details. Let's just say that I've been offended.

Then there's work. Dude, this is just a complete mess. But I guess it's up to me to fix it. Along with the other two gigs that I have for the time being, I'm just a clusterfuck of dates, times, and "I have to be here, and then I have to be there, and when will I fit in time to work out?" I kind of like that. Being busy occupies my mind, and it's great for times like this, when everything is just so stressful. It's better for me to deal with surface shit like when I have to be to my third job, rather than thinking about how I feel about shit.

Sharee is going to have a baby soon, so I'll have to put away my mean face, and be all nice-nice again soon. She's going to be all emotional after her kid pops out, and I don't want to be the one to bring her fucking mean streak back with a, "What the fuck you'd get knocked up for in the first place," comment after she tells me for the fiftieth time that she doesn't have anywhere for her kid to sleep.

She's capible of saying some really raw shit to me, but guess what? Since she's so goddamn sensitive, I just had to kinda take it, because I din't want to rile her up. I guess that's what good friends do... at least most of the time anyway.

I have a lot of other shit to say but I've really got to get to my second gig at the museum.

But before I go, let me just say that I'm not an emotional person from the paint but there are feelings underneath it on the canvas, goddamnit! Jesus. I am truly of the day of poetic song.

A beautiful melody that everyone loves, but the words are about sadness and death. Chew on that. :-) 31 is just 13 with a smile.

Love and adoration to all my homies,

Pam