Fucking movies make me cry

So fuck,

I freaked out the other night over Kill Bill volume two. I cried during the movie, I almost cried on the way home, and I had what some people refer to as an "Emotional moment," when I got home.

It was pretty fucking nerve-wracking.

I say this because I am not a highly emotional person-- at least not outwardly anyway. I don't ever let anyone see me cry unless the situation just doesn't allow for anything else, and up until I became what some people refer to as "A Grown Up," I didn't even really tell anyone that I did, in fact, have any emotions. Much less did I admit to crying.

I can honestly say, that aside from a funeral, I cannot remember the last time another human being saw me cry.

So it's difficult for me to deal with my feelings, because I'm pretty much an emotional Man, (See, I'm a girl, so since I don't like dealing with emotions much, I'm an emotional man. Get it? Good.) and when shit really gets to me, it's embarrasing. In fact, I rarely deal with embarrassment at all, becuase I don't embarrass very easily.

So yeah, Kill Bill volume 2 in all of it's angstyness was a really good flick. (There are spoilers ahead, okay? If you haven't seen the movie, then you really shouldn't read it. I'm not purposely writing about the movie in order to spoil it for you, okay? So stop bitching about it. Oh, you weren't bitching? Well fuck you too.)

Anyway...

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The bride finds her daughter, right? And she thought her daughter was dead. There's this happy reunion and all that shit, and her baby who'd been cared for by bill for 4 years was expecting that her mom would come back for her.

That fucking scene broke my cold, black heart. The look on that little girl's face when she hugged her mom, and the whole shebang just made me feel like a terrible, horrible witch child. I still stand by my decisions (which I don't really feel like talking about right now) but goddamn. This shit was harsh. I was really feeling something close to regret, and I'd never felt that before in regards to my deliberate decisions.

Ironically, Leighann (my best chick-friend for the uninformed) once told me that I'd regret said tear-inducing decisions, and I'll be damned if she wasn't right. I'm not in a regretful mood now, but still- I felt it, and I stubbornly assumed that I would never feel that for a decision I was so firm upon. But guess what? My life is better for it.

While I was in the midst of freaking the fuck out and crying my eyes out, I text messaged Frank (my boyfriend and best dude-friend), telling him that I didn't want to be Sharee's baby's godmomma. It was tied to my whole, regret thing. He was really nice and talked to me about my freaking out, which really calmed me down. Like, you don't understand, I was CRYING like someone died.

Well.

Yeah, I know.

Anyway, Frank listened to me snivel. Actually speaking to someone was what I really needed to calm down, because I tend to stop myself from crying when people wanna talk to me. Anyway, we talked, and he gave me that little interjection of common sense that I had misplaced. Yay for kickass boyfriends.

love and adoration,

Pam