I am visually bleeding!!

Uh, hey...

OH MY GOD. I thought I�d never say these words (well, in reality I�m not saying them... I�m typing them) but I could really use the relief of some fucking Midol right now. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of the month. I�m ejecting the lining of my uterus to end another successful monthly cycle.

Please hold your applause until the end of the program.

This afternoon, it became common knowledge that the payroll lady from accounting, Sheryl, (I think that�s her name... I forget details-- �Pam does not generally see, retain, and/or recall verbatim detail and, instead, shows an awareness of concepts, patterns� which is why I�m probably so good at remembering how to get places, but I always end up forgetting someone�s name, and exact addresses. I�m a visual girl. *sings* I�m a visual... a visual girl! We are liv - ing in a visual world [visual!] living in a visual world... like madonna? Oh fuck it.) Anyway... Everyone at napco got a present! Paychecks were dispersed a day early. Those with direct deposit won�t have any chachingage, but I�m to understand that those of us who receive live checks get actual money today. Yay us.

Tonight, I think I would like to get drunk. Not like, �WOOO! It�s New Year�s eve, and I love eveeeeeeeryone... Dude, I am SOOO fucked up!� drunk, more like, �In a weird way, I wish I had studied existentialism more as a youth,� drunk. This is going to be an interesting evening if all goes as planned. First, I�m going to cash my check.

I�ve been feeling very superficial lately, but I�m not that superficial. I mean, we all go for looks first, as we are quite the visual society, however it is what�s inside that counts, yes? In my short 22 years of life, I�ve turned down quite a few very attractive men who were basically just jerks. But that�s okay, because my boyfriend is hot and intelligent, aaaand, he�s smart. Top that one, Michael Cruz!

Okay, that was a reference that no one but I will get. Michael Cruz was the first guy I ever had a crush on. I don�t think I�ve ever told anyone, either, lol. He was one of the higher ranking belts in my karate class, and I was like, a yellow belt at the time... I was also about 12. He was the sexiest latin man that I had ever seen, and he was an older, sophisticated man of 17 years. mmmm. It�s funny because the things I remember most about him are his ability to speak spanish fluently, that he was the only person in class (other than my stepfather and myself) who could kick above his head, the fact that he got severe acne when he was 19, and his haircut. He had the sexiest fucking haircut that I�ve seen on a man since then. Remember when the Maccaully Culkin look was in? The almost bowl cut, that was angled a bit, and parted either on the middle or the side, and the sides of the hair were trimmed down a bit? Niiice. He had that, and this naturally shiny jet black hair. Oooh. He�d let me play with his hair, just �cause.

Well, anyway... Mikey Cruz was a hottie, and he did really well in school, but he was a jerk. Like, I didn�t get him, and stuff. Once I said to him, �Do you have a girlfriend, Michael?� and he goes, �No, I don�t have time to date.� So I told him, �You should date me, because you wouldn�t have to take me anywhere, or spend any money on me. We could just be friends, and maaaaybe I�ll let you kiss me.� He laughed. Then after that he would be all like, �Hi,� and I�d be all like, �Um... uh...�

lol, not much has changed in my approach with men over the years, except my persistence. Oh! He was into cars at the time (he was Putero Rican and from northeast philly, that was totally the lay back in 1993, you totally worked on cars if you lived up there), and I think around then I had just had too much car knowledge pushed into my brain from helping my mom fix our 1978 dodge aspen. (most temperamental car, ever. I named it Carie- pronounced, car-ee.. I�m not good at naming things, lol) Plus he would have nothing to do with my young, barely ripe, slowly developing and awkwardly tall-for-a-12-year-old body. Feh to him! He missed out on my first kiss and Leonard Herb got it instead. Ha ha! Besides, he ended up being a traitor to my stepfather-- opening a martial arts school without informing him first, and breaking an unwritten code. I think Mike ended up going into the military.

Now for your moment of zen:

I love to read about the stories of personalities in books [in books]
But all the personality in the world won�t make up for ugly loooks
Some boys love me some girls hate me, I guess they�re okay [okay]
But it�s the ones with pretty faces who always make my daa-ay!

cause we are liiiving in a visual world and I am a visual girl
you know that we are living in a visual world, and I am a visual girl

It�s not how much money you�ve got or how good you are in bed
If you�ve got a sexy grin then be assured you�ll get some head!
I may sound so superficial but I don�t really give a shit [a shit]
But how many guys out there want an ugly girl on their dick!!

cause we are liiiving in a visual world and I am a visual girl
you know that we are living in a visual world, and I am a visual girl
VISUAL! VISUAL AL!

love and adoration,

pam

Written, Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 at around: 11:23 AM

Stewie for governator!!

Do you live in california? Well, I don't so if you do, cast a vote for Stewie!

You heard me, damnit! Vote!