I want to sleep... and/or masturbate

Hi,

Check out the previous entry for horny-ness and the continuation of the It's A Mikey Fucky Christmas Story.

Read on for more of me bitching.

I really don't want to be in this office right now. I want to go home and curl up in my bed, and sleep this headache away. Or perhaps go home, stretch out in bed and fuck this headache away. I think it's more likely that I'll get the former.

Nothing here is anything that I can't handle, but the honest to god truth is that I need to relax and take a vacation. Being out of this work enviroment for a week in a location far away will make me feel better. I'd love to up and do that, and I would have a thousand times since I started working full time, but I can't.

I don't have any money.

I got my lights shut off a month ago, and not only was it very embarrsing (because frank was with me when I came home to a dark apartment) it totally crippled me financially. How's that for a damper to one's spirits. It's been difficult to recoup to the point where I have spending money again. That has happened, but the majority of my spending money is going to buying christmas presents. I like buying christmas presents, but I would like it even more if I could go somewhere with a clean beach for a weekend and explore.. maybe swim.

Most of all I want to sleep somewhere that isn't my bed. That always makes me feel better. I haven't slept anywhere other than my own home, and my boyfriend's passenger seat all year. There are a few gabi's house couch exceptions, but other than that, I've been confined to my house. It's all understandable- I keep asking myself, why Haven't I been anywhere all year!?! And I get this frustrated knot in my stomach which makes me want to cry.

I've only been to new york like, twice, and the first time I went, I could bearly afford it. New York hasn't been a real destination for me because I can't afford the tax, the transportation, and mostly I just can't afford to spend 300 dollars on a day trip. I'm financially bound to being at least marganilly responsible and grounded. Well guess what? That sucks big time ass.

I keep complaining about how I haven't had a vacation all year, and that must sound pretty petty and selfish, but some of us need to get a facial, others need video games, I need to get the fuck out of town.

I'm also fully aware that it's completly selfish, greedy and otherwise rotten that I'm bitching about my desperate need for a vacation, when there are starving people right here in my own town. Well I know it's christmas and everything, but fuck them. I get depressed, and I don't like it. I've been pretty damn happy on the average this year, and I like that, and I know good and well that I'd be 45% happier if I got an opportunity to get the hell out of philadelphia and its filthy atmosphere for a week.

Maybe in march I'll go somewhere. That's the soonest that I'd be able to put aside 400 bucks for a trip. Until then, I'll grin and bear it with this fucking city and the grimy feeling it's left on my skin for the past 18 months.

Is it time to go home yet??

hearts and butterflies,

pam