The Michiru attempt goes on

Well, in my ongoing efforts to be more like Sailor Neptune, I haven't really done much. It's been too damn cold to wear skirts, although I showed a good effort at the beginning of the year to wear skirts no matter what the weather. To hell with that idea. I'm not that damn feminine yet. I have, however, started flirting a bit more openly. That seems to be a big Michiru trait.

It's not even my usual subtle flirt either. I'm directly telling males and females how attractive I think they are. That combined with actually coming into contact with human flesh other than my own, I think I've got this direct-flirting method down to a "T."

One thing is, though, that I think I need to accomplish five things before I can actually say that I have archived "Michiruness." This is because I think that in the role-playing version of Michiru that I created with Glenn, Michiru is defined as being much more than just an ex lesbian. She is a way of life.

Aren't I nuts?

I first must be with a woman in a sexual manner. Michiru was a lesbian, (although I'm going for something a bit closer to the role-playing bastardization that I've done to the character, who later became bisexual and eventually married.) and I don't think it would be just for me to claim to be like Michiru if I never got it on with a girl. That's phase one. Something that I hope to accomplish before February is over. (I know, I set obscene goals for myself)

Phase two includes having someone fall in love with me that I'm not very interested in. *sigh* Alas, I've already completed step two. Keyman wants me so bad, and he's like, well, a friend. What a shame that is, ne? Plus there's all the guys who claim that they find me to be the sexiest woman alive. Whatever. I'm hot shit, so let's check that one off.

Phase three consists of me looking more feminine. This is probably what's going to take the longest to do. I'm in the process of really growing my hair out. I'm taking very good care of it, and you'd be surprised how wavy my hair is after I come out of the shower. It's natural, it's sexy, it's all Michiru. I've already mentioned the dressing more feminine portion. That's not too difficult. It requires me to shop which is just so painful for me to experience. I love to shop, man. Buying cute clothes is just what I was born for, so no issues there. Plus I need clothes anyway, so having a few sexy items for the spring won't hurt at all.

Phase four involves me being in more than one relationship at once. This is going to be a difficult one to tackle as well, because I don't think I'm going to be able to get myself to cheat on anyone. My middle name is Monogamy, and I am totally afraid to hurt someone through cheating. Although I know I'm completely capable of doing it. If I wanted to right at this very moment, I could go pick out some cute person and totally start flirting and dating them. It's Glenn's emotions that I fear. Scary.

Phase five is the final summing up. It's putting all of these traits together to get a final girly touch. Sounds simple, ne? Not on your life.

You know what I need in my life? An outlet for creativity. And I need to be paid for it. I really should be a performer. Not only for my own wants and desires, but for my sanity as a whole.

I've been feeling this fun weird mood today, and I think it's due to the fact that I actually got enough sleep last night. This combined with the fact that I haven't had sex in more than 3 days is really a kick in the keister. The point here is that I'm not fulfilling my needs as a human being.

I'm working full time, and I'm so proud of myself for that. I've been such a lazy fucking slacker for so many years, and now I do work all the time. I think about work when I'm not there, and I feel bad if I don't do my fair share (Except on days like today.) I want to have responsibility that matters, and make decisions that other people have to listen to.

The problem with all this is, there's no one position that covers all that stuff. I can't tell people what to do as an actor, I'd just be another cow to move around the herd. I also couldn't fulfill my emotional and psychological goals as a manager. As much as I love finding activities for other humans to occupy themselves with.

Hmm. Yeah.

Love an adoration,

Pammie