Named for thor, the crazy war god guy

*yawn*

I�m a little tired. This is one of those things that I had all but forgotten about. Being out a little on the late side the evening before work, and then finding a way to be uber-functional at my place of employment was such a part of my past. Now I�m back in the swing of things. Everyone I know is always saying things like, �I can�t go out... I have to work in the morning.� Dude, I�ve been going out the night before I had to work since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Well, not that long... but I�ve been doing this for a long time!

I honestly think I work better on less sleep. It sounds crazy, but some days I really think being sleepy encourages me to work more, so as I don�t go falling asleep at my desk. I wasn�t really out that late last night. I got in the house around 12:45 or so.

Last night, around ten, I was on the phone with Frank, and Darrell called my cell phone. Now, being the type of person I am, I didn�t answer the phone. In my mind, I didn�t believe there was anything really important that Darrell would want of me, and if it was truly important, then he�d leave a message. Plus, I didn�t really wanna talk to the guy. So, I tell frank who called, and he didn�t really say too much about it, but for whatever reason I felt really guilty that I didn�t take darrell�s call.

I don�t care much for Darrell, but you know, he is a person. So I called him back. Oh, don�t go thinking that I hung up on frank to call him back. He may be human, but he�s not that important. Anyway, the phone rings and Darrell picks up. Lo and behold-- darrell didn�t really want anything important. He was feeling lonely and bored, so he wanted to hang out.

I�m always up for going anywhere, unless I�m really tired or not feeling well. If I�m in good company, I�ll go places that I don�t normally like to go just to have fun... Like Pathmark or Wallgreens. Plus, man, I don�t want Darrell getting all �I�ma jump off a bridge,� so occasionally I feel like it�s my duty to be there for him as a friend.

Sometimes I really wish I could shoot my good naturedness in the leg.

Being the good people we are, Frank and I joined him in a visit to the diner. It wasn�t horrible or anything, it was actually kinda fun... but every time I spend time with Darrell, I find myself re-assessing why I haven�t cut him off completely. Without Darrell in my life, things wouldn�t really change too drastically, and I doubt I�d feel too bad about it. I�m not 100% sure that he�s improving my life, or that I enjoy his company.

He�s like a bad combination of two guys I knew when I was 16-- Kevin and Brian. He has the self-loathing of Kevin and the scheming/frustrating/people-using nature of Brian. I cut off my friendship (if you could call it that) with Brian after years of giving him second chances, and Kevin is still stuck at the same point in his life as he was six years ago. None of you people who read this know who either of those guys are, and be glad that you don�t. I think gabi may have met brian once, many moons ago on temple�s campus, but she probabally wouldn�t remember him, as it wasn�t an eventful meeting-- and brian�s a dick.

Ugh, I really don�t want to talk about Darrell any more... he�s starting to remind me of Brian Carter, and I don�t like that one bit.

Ah, yes, I can be direct and kind of a bitch sometimes. I like all this inter-journal mentioning stuff, it makes us seem like we�re a little community. Ali mentioned --yesterday?-- that I can be very matter-of-fact. Well, that�s true, and very false. I do have a tendancy to be kind of direct, and I like to say what I feel, but as Gabi said in her journal (and made an excelent point) I try to bring out the hardest points with a laugh. I also don�t want to hurt anyone�s feelings, unless they�re egging me on to that point. I would never want to make anyone cry, but I do want people to realize what they�re doing. When someone is blind to how they make other people feel, or if they�re doing something foolish, I want them to know. I hate to see people suffer, or be taken advantage of. Ooooh, seeing people close to me being taken advantage of burns me up. I get very protective of my friends, and that�s my biggest push to being a complete, uncaring, cold bitch. I haven�t had to be like that in years, and for the fate of all humainty, let�s hope that doesn�t happen any time soon. *laughs*

Although I�ll gladly tell someone to stop bothering someone else, or not to speak disrespectfully to me, I have a difficult time telling people how I might feel about something. I�ll often put my feelings on the back burner, and turn the fire off and focus on cooking a nice pot of other people�s problems. Another problem that I�m really starting to get over is not being able to tell sensitive people how much of a prick they�re being without hurting their feelings... badly.

I�ve always had a lot of sensitive friends, and oddly most of them are male. Bruising a male ego is easy to do, and I�m a little more blunt with guys than I am with most girls. Oh yeah, I�ve kicked out some zingers, and man-- in a lot of cases I paid a lofty price for doing so. I actually once had a straight male friend threaten not to be my friend anymore over some shit I said. And here I was thinking that I didn�t have female friends. Ha!

Anyway, total honesty is foolish, and anyone who says they don�t lie is the biggest liar in the world. Can you imagine a world where no one ever lied? There�d be fighting in the street every day and everyone would be moody all the time.

That, and no guy on this planet would ever get laid.

Speaking of getting laid, I went to chinatown and bought frank some pocky during my lunch hour. (No, that had nothing directly to do with getting laid, but in my mind I found the lack of segway amusing) Dude, he is such an addict. I swear, he needs like a 12 step program or something. He said something about going to PA Meetings. Ha! PA Meetings... that spells Pam. The other day, I bought 3 packages of pocky, and he ate almost all of them. Today I got the box of Giant Pocky. The box cost 10 dollars! Yesterday, he was like, �You should buy the big box,� and I told him that I couldn�t be wasting money. Then later on I bought us dinner, and he�s all like, �I thought you didn�t want to waste money,� and I told him that I was so not about to spend ten bucks on a box of fucking pocky. I like pocky and all, but... no. So, since he wanted the big pocky so badly, he offered to pay me back for the big pocky box.

Addict.

I feel weird having this big box of pocky sitting here, and I�m not eating any. It�s really a huge box too, man...I can�t wait to see what they look like in there. It says there�s 24 peices inside... that�s not a lot, they�d better be really honkin� big for ten dollars.

Well, it�s time to go. I�ll talk to you fine folks another time. Have a great remainder to your day, and have an even better day tomorrow!

Love and adoraiton,

Pam