vertigo and dreams

This isn't an update about frank's birthday weekend, but I prommisse that I'll write about that before the week is over, okay?

I'm feeling more lightheaded than I did yesterday, and that's after two really good nights of sleep (although I had a lot of weird dreams last night).

On sunday while I was out at the King of Prussia Mall with Frank, darrell and jason, I got really dizzy and lightheaded... like, I felt as though I was going to pass out. It was crazy, because i had eaten earlier that day. And the only other time that I had been that close to passing the fuck out was when I was 18... and oh yeah, I hadn't eaten anything in like two days... and I was pregnant too.

Yeah.

So needless to say, I was freaking the fuck out, because even if I didn't pass out, there was other shit for me to worry about. So worry I did.

Anyway, I started freaking out, and had to go sit down, and Frank walked with me to get some lemonade and stuff from a nearby auntie annies. I felt a little better after a while, but the light headed, dizzy feeling stayed with me until I woke up the next day. I ran some errands, and decided not to go to work. Frank said he'd stick around with me all day and make sure I was okay, and I went to see the doctor. My doctor wasn't in so I saw a nice little female doctor, by the name of Wang. She hangs out with her wang out, ha ha ha! Anyway, I was diagnosed with vertigo, which isn't that bad.

See, in the inner ear, there's these little hairs that help you keep your ballance and stuff. On the tips of these tiny hairs are these sand-granule type thingies, and they tell your body which way to turn, and keeps you from falling over and shit. Well, vertigo occurs when those sand granules fall off. Well, my sand apperently fell the hell off, because I was dizzy and shit. So the doctor prescribed me this anti-dizzy medication and she had me take a pregnancy blood test, just to be sure. She said that I'd get a call if I was pregnant. I haven't gotten a call, so houston, we're in the clear.

Since I got this non-dizzy medication, I've only taken it once. I'm a little light headed right now, and I think it's because i didn't take any of that medicine yesterday, and I've spent most of the last 48 hours either at work or sleeping.

I've been terribly exausted, but I'm no where near as beat and dizzy, and light headed as I was a couple of days ago.

I had a bunch of crazy dreams last night, like about people I never see, and things I never do. I had this one dream where I was in the woods. I had been kidnapped and was being held captive by these men who said they were going to keep me there forever. I tried to escape a couple of times, but they kept me in their old cabin with a black-and white tv that had cable and this huge side-by side fridge, like what my grandparents have at their house. They had taken a couple of babies from some people in the woods who they killed, and had intentions of doing something horrible to the babies, which i don't remember, rasing it as a concubine or some wacked-out shit. They kept the babies in the fridge, and for whatever reason they were safe in there. I wasn't with their plans for the kids, but if I spoke up, they'd probabally whoop my ass, so I stayed quiet, and plotted on how to get me and the babies out of their camp.

I met this ferral woman with super-dark skin, who only came into the camp when the men were gone... she had this matted never-combed hair, and wore normal clothes. She said that "Winter was coming," (A metephor from the Fire and Ice books which has a double meaning of winter actually coming and that bad times are to soon be upon us all) and she knew how to survive the woods and stuff. So I packed up as much shit as I could, grabbed the babies, and high tailed it outta there.

The woman and I lived in the woods for a while, and the bigger baby survived the winter... The tinier one died. I was sad because I was afraid I'd never see anyone from where I came from ever again. I was all alone out there with this crazy woman who licked herself, and this little helpless kid, and I didn't have a cell-phone. I wanted to call frank or my mom... I tried to speak to them psychiclly (Come on, it's a dream, okay) but they couldn't understand what I was saying... I saw their faces, and I think they thought I was dead.

I was pissed. I wasn't even gone for a year!

The ferral woman died, once winter was over and spring came. Since she wasn't around anymore, I figured it was time to go back to civlization, and stop hiding from the men in the woods. and the baby and I had to walk all the way back to civlization (northern new jersey... go figure) and once we got to princeton, everyone was really nice to the dirty black girl from the woods and her dirty little toddler. The people of princeton took me back home, and nobody was there. It was just me and the kid again. It sucked ass, because mom and frank thought I was dead, and they just went on with their lives, and moved away from the greif... and didn't even send out a search party.

I woke up crying.

Crying. Are you fucking serious?

The dream doesnt even seem the least bit of signifigant now that I think about it, but I was so sad that nobody gave a damn about me being gone.

It's the exact oppisite in real life though, I know my mom would go look for me herself, after alerting every type of law enforcment that would give a shit, and I know frank would look for me too, and they'd both be really upset.

I don't quite understand the sigifigance of the baby in the refridgerator, or the ferral woman. I don't know. Whatever. Come to think of it, the crazy ferral woman didn't speak english, she spoke some wacked out half animal half people language that only I could understand.

Okay, enough of this shit, I'm going to go back to work.

Love and adoration,

Pam