Why? Because my PMS is my authority, meatbag!

What is it with girls and their obsession with gay men?

If you're a gay man, you must think i'm homophobic, and perhaps I am. I'm not afraid of homosexual guys, I just don't get turned on, in any way, by seeing two men kiss, nor do I enjoy the company of most gay men. I've tried, but I just don't get down with most steryotypical gay dudes, although we have a lot in common-- we enjoy the company of pretty women, we like to dress up and look FINE, and we like to suck dick. That's about where the similarities end, though, lol. I think I can't stand most flaming gay men because they remind me of everything I hate about women, and it's amplified by the fact that they have penises and don't have (or aren't supposed to have) tits.

I only know one (out) gay guy who I adore the company of, and that's Derick, the information services VP here at my job. He's pretty awesome, good looking, smart and he's pretty damn out of the closet with the pics of him and his man on his desk. Go Derick.

Anyway, I didn't start writing this to bitch about how close minded I can be.

My period is going to start soon, and that doesn't make me jump for joy, but I'm glad it's coming. Regular, monthly PMS is worth the reward of knowing I'm not pregnant.

So I have PMS, which means that I am a little more emotional and have a lower tolerance level for people. Sadly, my mom is like, pushing my buttons today, and unlike usual when she's just checking to see if I'm okay (Because I'm in a irregular mood, like when there was something wrong with me last year) she's just being annoying. No, really, she is.

"What are you doing for lunch, Pam? Do you want to eat at my desk today?"

No. I made plans to eat lunch in town with Frank today. Sorry. Maybe another time?

"Well I'll come with you."

You weren't invited, but maybe I'll buy lunch for you and I next week.

"I'm never invited! You two have plenty of alone time, and it's not like this is dinner or something serious."

I'm not having this argument again. (Anger begins to brew)

"This isn't an argument"

Yes it is! (Stubbornness growing)I said you're not invited, and you are disagreeing with me. That makes this an argument.

"No it isn't."

We're arguing about... (holds back cuss words at work) we're arguing about this not being an argument!

"Well, what about lunch next week?"

(Around here I started rubbing my temples) I'm not having this discussion with you. This conversation is over.

"The week after that?"

Get out of my office.

Are you fucking kidding me? You can't make shit like that up, man. I just don't know what to make of her.

Anyway...

Other signs that I'm PMSing.

Last night Frank, my sweet, giving boyfriend offered to drive me to and pick me up from a party in center city. Later that evening, I selfishly took him up on that offer, and he drove into the city from his comfy warm bed in Jersey, picked me up to take me to a party (which he wasn't attending), picked me up from said party, and drove me home. I said thank you about a bajillion times, and apologized afterwards (The party blew lots of ass, I'll talk about that later, perhaps in a different entry) but the pangs of guilt still haven't seemed to dissapate.

See, I hate to see people take advantage of Frank. He's a really nice guy. L ast night, in my mind, I fell to the depths of take-advatage-of-franks-kindness lowlyness that I only reserve for people like Darrell (Who had frank drive from new jersey to philadelphia to deleware once). So needless to say, when I woke up this morning, I really thought I was a peice of shit. Normally, I'd feel guilty, say my sorries, and just put it behind me as a lesson learned- not to do it again.

Today, it was like an internal punishment to be me. I was pretty much giving myself a really hard time for doing exactally what I hate to see other people doing. I don't know if most of you have ever seen me come to another person's defense in a verbally offensive manner, but I'm pretty fucking mean. I hate to see injustice dished out to the undeserving, and if the undeserving person happens to be someone I care deeply for, I take things personally. Being on the receiving end of such a conversation isn't something I'm used to, but damn, I think I feel bad for those people who caught the wrong side of my tounge.

Can you say hypocrite, chidren? I knew you could.

So I feel really bad that I let myself be so selfish, and take advantage of how nice frank is, but I guess it's better in the long run, because I'll be more concious of it in the future. So yeah. As bad as I feel, I don't want to apologize to him too much, so I wrote about it here, so that he can read it, and know how bad I felt.

Aren't I subtle today, lmao.

No?

Okay.

Love and adoration,

Pam