Fairy Godmother

One of my nicknames is Tinkerbell, given to me by the Crazian because I used to wear a tinkerbell necklace all the time.

Slowly I got the fuck tired of being called tink (sounds too much like stink) stopped wearing the necklace, and all but swore off of tinkerbell merchandice (although I still think the stuff is adorable.

So, to my dismay, the name stuck, and Crazian John isn't the only one who calls me tink. Jason the fat and bearded also calls me tink on occasion to this very day, and he hardly ever even speaks to john. It's annoying, but I apreciate the fact that I have a non derogatory nickname.

Before Tink, many an individual called me Spam. An obvious nickname for any chick named Pam, I mean, just add an S and I'm a meat product with a Monty Python theme song. I guess that's respectable. Monty Python is pretty funny stuff. After a while it got a little annoying though, and I started to want to change my name (more than I previously had... I share my entire name with my mom, which sucks ass... so yeah, if you're stalking Pamela Jean Newman, and you meet a 52 year old woman, don't be suprrised).

One of the last nicknames I had before Tink and Spam was Weavie, because I had very long, natural hair for a black kid.

So to rid myself of the annoying not-my-fucking-name nickname, I cut my hair (which I got an ample spanking and talking to for).

I'm not fond of the names that are attached to me, but I've just learned to accept it, because you don't get to pick your name anymore than you get the opportunity to select your parents.

Anyway, I gave that little bit of Pam's nickname backstory, because I have a cute (and painfully obvious) ancidote.

This weekend, I spoke to Sharee. She had called me on Friday (i think it was friday) while frank was over, and I declined her call. Then I called her back on saturday morning to find out what was wrong, and she's going through that whole pregnancy thing (I wrote about it before, but I'm to lazy to link, you see) and she's emotional.

Somehow, though- I find that pregnant sharee is easier to deal with, and I like her a lot more. She's more easygoing, less angry, and much more aquarian than aries, which I like, because I tend to not care much for aires people. Too much arguing over bullshit, and finger pointing. Fuck you, point your finger back at your own genitalia.

Ahem.

So, she's all pregnant and stuff, and she starts talking to me about who she doesn't want to be the godmother of her soon to be born (april 15th) daughter. Sharee knows some pretty fucked up people, so I was more than understanding in how she didn't want any of those motherfuckers close to her kid.

So basically, she asked me if I wanted to be her daughter's (who she plans to name Arius Elise) godmother. Long story shortened a bit... I accepted.

Now I'm a little confused. I don't know what godparents are supposed to do. Are they supposed to take an "objective parent" sort of role in the life of the child in question, or are they just someone that the parent wants to say, "Hey you- I respect you, and I'd trust you with my child's life... yes, stroke your ego a little more." Even worse-- is a godparent someone who's supposed to spend lots of time, money and effort on a child that isn't even theirs?

What the fuck have I signed up for?

I mean, people live for a really long fucking time, and I'm 22 years old. Considering that this kid is being born in a couple of months, I'm probalbaly expected to devote a portion of my life to this child for the rest of my life (God, can you imagine how I'd be freaking out if I were the chick who was six months pregnant at 22... about to turn 23... on january 31rst... which is a saturday [mark your calendars]??)

So I really don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I'm guessing that I'm supposed to buy stuff for the baby, and I'm more than willing to be a purchacer of baby things. I love babies, and I love buying children presents, because they're so sweet, and innocent... and greedy. Plus, I am absolutely dying for a reason to buy childrens toys, clothing and such.

Then... I don't know what sharee expects of me. I would love to have some serious influence on this child, however I'm not sure if that's something I need to be doing. A child is a very importan thing, you see. Babies grow up into people-- people who are either well adjusted or not, lmao. I don't want to be responsible for mentally destroying a future member of society-- especially someone who may very well care for me when I'm old, and need someone to change my diapers.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to have kids. I might, I might not. That's really not up to me-- that's up to my ovaries and a man attached to a dick who'll be fucking me in the years far far away from 2004. But I'm looking at life as it is. This child is partially my responsiblity-- or is it? If not, that's cool, but I know what kind of person I am.

I like to get overly involved in the lives of adults, god knows how far I'd dip my fingers into the sippy cup of a newborn person, free of pre-exisitng psychological trauma. Someone who I could really protect.

Okay, enough superhero bullshit.

I'm just going to find out what godparents are supposed to do, and do that, maybe a bit more.

here's hoping Tinkerbell makes a good fairy godmother.

love and adoration,

pam